Using community to learn about love, sex and health in a pandemic

The first Silhouette issue I remember picking up was the 2018 Sex and the Steel City issue. It started off so normal, but by the time I flipped to the sex toy guide, I recall being rather alarmed, maybe a tad embarrassed. I put the paper back on the stand.

A year later, I was contributing to Sex and the Steel City as the Arts and Culture Reporter. I started to understand how this issue provides an important space for our community to talk about the taboo, the messy and the private. But I didn’t feel I had anything to add to the conversation.

Now it’s two years after that. When I first took on the job that involves planning this issue, I still didn’t feel like I had much to add to this conversation. I wasn’t sure how to plan an issue on topics I am still exploring and learning about.

So I decided to do what I do whenever I write for the Sil: I listened. I have been a student of the dozens of thoughtful interviewees that have taught me about everything from magic to gentrification. So I turned to this community to teach me about love, sex and health.

So I decided to do what I do whenever I write for the Sil: I listened. I have been a student of the dozens of thoughtful interviewees that have taught me about everything from magic to gentrification. So I turned to this community to teach me about love, sex and health.

Over the past few weeks, the most personal stories and intimate art landed in my inbox. Strangers gave me permission to probe their pasts and tinker with their life texts.

So I want to thank every single person who reached out to me about this issue, to everyone who filmed and created and wrote this anthology on the taboo, the messy and the private. I am honoured that my part of the Sil’s legacy is all of your lessons on love.

I never realized how much of a community-based project Sex and the Steel City is until this year. Writing for a newspaper can be very isolating and doing so in a pandemic even more so, but this issue has reminded me of the community that the Sil has formed.

I think COVID-19 has made this issue all the more urgent. This pandemic has upended relationships, cancelled sex lives and wreaked havoc on our collective health. But it has also highlighted the importance of these things. We crave connection perhaps more than we ever have.

So in this year’s Sex and the Steel City, we have sought to tell stories of connection. Not just stories of romantic relationships, but also stories of the relationships with our family members, our friends and ourselves. I hope you know that you’re part of a community that loves and looks forward to this issue, be it your first Sex and the Steel City or your millionth.

Through this community, I have sought to expand my worldview. I’ll be the first to admit that there are representations lacking in this issue, that there are stories left to tell that I hope I’ll read in future issues of Sex and the Steel City.

But my goal was to make sure that you, dear reader, identified with just one word or just one image in this issue, so that you know that this is a conversation that you are a part of, a conversation that I welcome you to add to. More than anything, I hope you learn something.

Table of Contents:

The impact of COVID-19 on Hamilton sex workers by Rya Buckley

University-level dating during the pandemic by Adrian Salopek

Editorial

Relationship wars: who needs a boyfriend when you have a sister? by Nina Sartor

Humans of McMaster: Morghen Jael by Esther Liu

What does it mean to be a man? by Sarah Lopes Sadafi

Sil Time Capsule: Students on the importance of sex education by Nisha Gill

Coming out as nonbinary by Fran O'Donnell

Self-acceptance takes time by Samantha McBride

The stories close to our hearts by Nisha Gill

Eight queer, sex-positive accounts to follow on Instagram by Subin Park

Art featured from various artists

Food Flavoured Love, a poem by Serena Habib

Eight cozy virtual date ideas by Tracy Huynh

Thoughts from an Indian emigrant on arranged marriages by Sharang Sharma

Lessons from my sister: kaleidoscope of love by Niko Haloulos

Humanity Switch? I wish. by Serena Habib

Sil Sit Down with Dr. Iman Benerji by Urszula Sitarz

Finding Comfort in the Little Things by Nisha Gill

Define your own beauty by Krishihan Sivapragasam

A&C reporter’s reflections on happiness and the holidays

The holidays are, in many ways, a reminder of time passing, a temporal landmark of sorts. They encourage reflection, often without us even realizing it, as they draw our attention to the parallels and incongruencies between the present and the past.

For me, the weeks bracketed between Diwali and the New Year always seem like a transitionary period, a time reserved for reflection and tying up the loose ends of the past year. This year in particular though because of how much the world has changed, it feels as if not only do these weeks hold space for reflection, but they demand it.

Diwali holds a very special place in my heart. For me, it’s about celebrating my family and our history in a way that we don’t often get to during the hustle and bustle of the rest of the year. It’s also about taking time for ourselves, to just be and connect.

Every year, my family gathers at my Nana and Nani’s house and we spend the day together, catching up, playing games and reconnecting. In the evening we exchange gifts, do a small prayer and eat lots of delicious food and sweets.

There is something insulating about that day, about being there together in my grandparents’ house. Everything else — all my doubts, fears, uncertainties, worries — melts away. It feels as if for one day we’re completely sheltered from the rest of the world, as if we’re cocooned. It’s a chance to breathe, to pause, prepare and to start anew.

It feels as if for one day we’re completely sheltered from the rest of the world, as if we’re cocooned. It’s a chance to breathe, to pause, prepare and to start anew.

As I was living away from home during my first year, I wasn’t able to come back to celebrate Diwali with my family. At the time, celebrating on my own and trying to recapture some piece of the holiday I love so much, I comforted myself with the knowledge that it was only for one year and next year, I would be home.

I don’t think any of us imagined that this is where we would be when the holidays rolled around again.

Although COVID has made me homebound for the foreseeable future, Diwali still didn’t look like the celebrations from my childhood. I was fortunate enough in that I did get to celebrate with my immediate family, but for safety reasons, we weren’t able to celebrate with my grandparents or my cousins as we normally do.

That’s not to say we didn’t celebrate at all. But standing alone in my kitchen, cooking, while the rest of my family delivered our gifts to our loved ones was dramatically different from talking with Nani and helping her where I could in the busy kitchen that was filled with the rest of my family. My cooking certainly doesn’t compare to my Nani’s and gift baskets and Zoom calls don’t compare to spending the day together.

More than last year, more than anything really, I felt I was trying to salvage something, anything at all. Looking ahead to New Year’s Eve, I imagine it’s going to be similar, it’s going to feel like I am trying to salvage some of our typical traditions in this atypical year.

More than last year, more than anything really, I felt I was trying to salvage something, anything at all.

I’ve heard a lot of people talk about creating new traditions for the holidays this year, trying to put a positive spin on these last few weeks, one befitting of the festive season. After the year we’ve had, I think there is certainly a place for that, but I also think it’s worth acknowledging that this season isn’t always a happy one for a lot of people. This year especially, when so many have lost so much, it might not be fair to expect everyone to be in the festive spirit, so to speak.

Especially for those who have lost loved ones, the holidays can be particularly difficult because, as temporal landmarks, holidays remind us of years past and loss can feel so much sharper. Even before this year, the holidays were hard for me because although I am surrounded by family, these final weeks of December coincide with anniversaries of grief.

Two years ago, shortly after Diwali, an incredibly important person in my life passed away suddenly. Growing up, I took so much comfort in her steady presence and she played a huge role in making me the person that I am. It felt like the world had been turned upside down and I’m still currently trying to find my footing.

How do you celebrate when someone who is supposed to be there with you is missing? I know the question a lot of people are asking now is not just how do you celebrate when you’re apart, but how do you celebrate when you don’t know when you might be together again?

How do you celebrate when someone who is supposed to be there with you is missing? I know the question a lot of people are asking now is not just how do you celebrate when you’re apart, but how do you celebrate when you don’t know when you might be together again?

A lot of people are talking about “next year”, “next time”, or “when all this is over”. I wonder if part of that is because a lot of people aren’t feeling festive or happy right now and there’s enormous pressure to be exactly that this time year. I think the pressure is greater this year in particular because of how terrible and trying 2020 has been.

The holidays are a special time, but I don’t think special always has to mean being happy. There is something to be said for mourning what we have lost whether it’s loved ones, opportunities, traditions and everything in between. They were important to us and to not acknowledge that is a disservice to them and to us.

I think salvaging is very much a grieving process. It’s not necessarily about getting back to happy. It’s about trying to carry forward what you can into the new reality you exist in. For me, it’s about trying to carve out a moment where I can be content and at peace. It’s about trying to come as close as possible to replicating that cocooned, sheltered feeling I got from being in Nana and Nani’s home during Diwalis past. It’s about finding a moment where I can just be, where I can pause and reflect. And of course, it’s not the same, but it’s something, and I think sometimes that’s all we can hope for.

Photos by Razan Samara

On Dec. 8, 2018 Jamaican Patty Shack food truck owners, Michael Thompson and Wendy Wright, introduced a piece of the island to the Hamilton Farmers’ Market. Driven by the positive responses to their twists on classic beef patties, the couple decided to set up shop in a permanent location.  

Thompson and Wright started the Jamaican Patty Shack food truck in July 2018 at the Because Beer Craft Beer Festival. The idea had been in their heads for a long time after the Jamaican couple had noticed a lack of availability of patties in the Hamilton area.

Since establishing the food truck, the couple has garnered public recognition that has drawn individuals from far and wide to taste their patties. They recently had a woman from Toronto come to the Hamilton Farmers’ Market simply to have their patties. When they visited Toronto for the Mac & Cheese Festival and Buskerfest last year, they were also invited to Toronto city hall by mayor John Tory.

[spacer height="20px"]The two have been involved in both culinary arts and customer service for a while, having done catering previously. Thompson traces his interest in food service back to his teenage years, working as a manager in Dairy Queen and in a West Indian restaurant called Willie’s Jerk. Wright is a baker and previously worked in a food truck in Toronto. By putting their heads together, the two came up with the idea of a Jamaican patty food truck.

“It's for people on the go. It's fast. It's affordable. Our main aim… was to feed people on the go [for] ten dollars and under [so it’s] easy on the pocket,” said Thompson.

It’s not only the affordability of the patties that has contributed to its wide appeal but the customizability and variety that the Jamaican Patty Shack offers. This is not simply a spot for the traditional beef patty. Customers can top up their patty according to their own taste, adding ingredients such as cheese or jerk chicken or having their patty wrapped, stuffed, or grilled.

[spacer height="20px"]Both out-of-the-box thinkers, the couple is continuously experimenting at home with different flavours. The result is a number of unique twists, such the pattaco — a patty dressed up as a taco — or the reggae patty which is cut open and filled with jerk chicken coleslaw. With their innovations on a traditional recipe, the couple honours the history of the patty.

“Our main slogan is ‘Out of Many, One Patty’ and that's… because of the Jamaican coat of arms which is ‘Out of Many, One People’ and so a lot of different cultures is what comes together to make Jamaica… [T]he patty has evolved from different cultures,” said Thompson.

By setting up shop in the Farmers’ Market, the couple also honours the market tradition in Jamaica. Providing fresh and quality food is important to the duo so they utilize produce from local farmers in their patties.

[spacer height="20px"]Setting up in the market also places Jamaican Patty Shack in the city they love and live in. Since coming to the Farmers’ Market, the Stoney Creek residents have discovered something of a family among the friendly and supportive market crowd. Being able to have personable and meaningful interactions with the members of the community they interact with every day was key to them.

“We want customers to feel happy to come and excited about coming to our spot… We're trying to recreate that little piece of vacation that people have in their mind or in their memories so they come and we have a lit palm tree in the back, some reggae music playing and the service is always positive,” said Wright.

Looking to the future, Thompson and Wright hope to have pop-up shops on the outskirts of Hamilton. They are also looking into donating food to local food banks at the end of the day in order to give back to the community which has supported them as they have established their truck and taken root in the Hamilton Farmers’ Market.

 

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Photo C/O @markandkait

Thanksgiving pulls people back home. Set at the beginning of Reading Week, it will see many students travelling both near and far to spend time with their families and old friends. It causes most of us to pause, even for a moment, and reflect on who, what and where we’re grateful for.

However, Thanksgiving is not always festive and fun. Founder of Every Golden Moment Carina Noyes knows that the holidays can be hard. That is why she created Friendsgiving Dinner, a community Thanksgiving meal.

Friendsgiving Dinner takes place on Oct. 7 at vegan and gluten-free restaurant, Planted in Hamilton. Featuring a plant-based diet, it is the first in a series of holiday gatherings hosted by Every Golden Moment, the business that Noyes launched earlier this year that curates bohemian style picnics.  

“Friendsgiving was created initially because I had my parents separate last year. [I]t just inspired me to think…with our little groups of friends, you have your little celebrations...But what can I create that can bring more people together in the community?” explained Noyes.

The result of this thinking is Friendsgiving. Open to all ages, Noyes wants to bring people from all different backgrounds to experience the magic of new connections. She loves the idea of strangers becoming family by eating together and sharing what they are grateful for.

Gratitude is important to Noyes. In the past year she’s seen drastic shifts in her life, replacing partying and drinking with more depth and thankfulness. It’s this journey that inspired her to create Every Golden Moment.

“I've seen my journey and…I want to create a platform [for] people that have that moment [of] life is more than what this is right now… I wanted to create Every Golden Moment to… connect … people that are on a similar journey…[T]hat's what I come down to: community and connection,” she explained.

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bni3yMCnBHf/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet

[spacer height="20px"]She has seen what gatherings like these can do. They have restored hope after failed relationships and joined strangers together in friendship. Whereas media and many we may know focus on one type of family, events like these remind us that the word also describes bonds that aren’t blood.

Thanksgiving is often tied to tradition. The idea of stepping outside of one’s comfort zone on this holiday might not seem appealing. However, Noyes notes that there are so many people in this city that we can learn from and form genuine connections with.

It is a genuine connection that partnered her with Planted in Hamilton. Vegan and gluten-free herself, Noyes always features plant-based food in her gatherings. She chose Planted because the staff always value her as a person and appreciate her business. Their support of her vision and their commitment to creating community made them a perfect fit. [spacer height="20px"]

https://www.instagram.com/p/BoIczn5ha1t/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet

[spacer height="20px"]Noyes aims to partner with new establishments during each upcoming holiday gathering. It is important to her to support Hamilton businesses.

“[T]here's so many vegan restaurants… popping up… I want to cycle the business back to these Hamilton businesses. I don't want to take away their business. I want to put a new spin on it and make it like these cool events and have people come out,” said Noyes.

In getting people to come out to these holiday gatherings, Noyes is starting a new tradition in Hamilton. She hopes that attendees walk away feeling closer to the city and the people in it, giving everyone another reason to be thankful.

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If you pause for a moment in the middle of campus at around half-past the hour mid-day, McMaster is a sight to behold. Thousands of students of every gender, ethnicity, religion, sexuality, nationality and personality possible will flood past you.

It’s a far cry from who composed the student body when McMaster first came into being. Who we were in 1887 versus who we are today is vastly, wonderfully different. Yet unfortunately, our motto, that short little phrase chosen for its efficacy in encapsulating the beliefs and ideals guiding an institution, has not changed since those early days.

The McMaster motto – written in Greek – reads, “Ta panta en Christoi synesteken” which translates to “In Christ all things hold together” or “All things cohere in Christ.” While this may have been appropriate when McMaster was first established as a Christian college, this faith-focused motto does not reflect the non-denominational academic environment of our campus today.

It was back in 1957 that the University became a private, non‐spiritual institution, dissolving formal ties with its Baptist roots. And yet despite McMaster’s religious birth, as University President Patrick Deane identifies in his open letter to the McMaster community, Forward With Integrity, “The purpose of the institution from its inception [was] through education and research to develop and realize the potential both of individuals and of society at large.” This principle, which McMaster has so wonderfully achieved, is secular, academia-centric and entirely unrelated to religious practice.

I mean no offence to McMaster Divinity College, the Religious Studies program, or any Christian students, staff or faculty. Rather, I feel it would be more in line with their religious values to foster a community of inclusively through religious diversity and the creation of a motto that speaks to what truly unites the McMaster community: a passion for learning and the pursuit of knowledge.

Change could easily be made, although stubborn bureaucrats will say otherwise. Perhaps Latin students and professors could create several new potential mottoes upon which students and faculty would vote. The favourite would be instated as the official new motto of the University.

The current crest is printed on Mac paraphernalia, looms large over Council Chambers where countless critical decisions are made, and is even the major image on McMaster’s Wikipedia page. This continued presence of a religious motto on Mac’s symbolic brand is simply unacceptable.

A change to McMaster’s motto would be a statement that the University is a community that welcomes all peoples to join together in pursuit of excellence in research and academics.

Now that would move us forward with integrity.

 

By: Michael Gallea

 

With the holidays just around the corner, we’re all looking forward to heading home and reuniting with friends, family, and most of all, food.

 

I don’t know about you, but I have my favourite coffeehouse that I hit up every holiday season to catch up with friends. There’s something magical about tradition – especially when it’s accompanied by a cup of coffee and a Hello Dolly bar. This December, why not start a new tradition with your friends and family?

 

Instead of going to Starbucks or Tim Horton’s for a coffee, why not venture downtown to explore the booming coffee shop culture in Hamilton? The Mulberry Street Coffeehouse offers a great space to make new memories with old friends, serving one of the best chai tea lattes in town – no joke. A little closer to campus, Johnny’s Coffee on Locke Street also provides a comfortable environment to finally work your way through that summer book that you’ve had to shelf for the semester. Don’t be afraid to try something new!

 

“But where can I go to get that good ol’ holiday buzz,” you ask? Check out the Augusta Street pub scene for quality food and entertainment. One of the gems of Hamilton, Augusta Street is lined with a variety of fantastic bars – The Pheasant Plucker, The Ship, and The Winking Judge, among others. Serving Hamilton’s best selection of micro-beers, these pubs are a great way of introducing your friends and family to an interesting niche of Hamiltonian culture!

 

So this holiday season, find your tradition. You can’t go wrong!