The cheating conundrum

Katherine George 

Silhouette Staff

How much truth is there to the phrase, “once a cheater, always a cheater”?

There are many reasons available to better explain or understand why an individual in a committed relationship would resort to cheating. It might be because one person, often the person who is straying, is trying to fulfill a need that is not being met in their current relationship. Or, a person might be trying to punish their partner, or to test the limits of their relationship, or to attract attention from their partner, or simply because they are bored. In reality, it’s never quite the same reason for more than one couple.

But one thing that unfaithful relationships have in common is that someone always gets hurt. Both emotional cheating and physical cheating can be equally damaging. Emotional cheating is more subtle, but is arguably more hurtful. It’s the act of allowing oneself to develop and demonstrate feelings for another individual, through flirtation or other similar ways of showing a sexual interest. On the other hand, physical cheating is an obvious act of betrayal, though one night stands can sometimes be easier to forgive.

The hardest part of infidelity is dealing with the aftermath. In certain circumstances, cheating is a way for someone to express that they want out of the relationship.

Alternatively, an individual is faced with the decision of whether or not to try and heal a damaged relationship or to abandon it completely.

Recovering from a cheating partner depends on the individual. Everyone has different limits to their forgiveness; it simply depends on how far they are willing to stretch their limits of tolerance. It is a process that challenges trust.

Some people can easily forgive, while others will hold a grudge and punish their partner until the relationship eventually falls apart. Obvious reactions to infidelity will be anger, distrust, confusion and betrayal. It can force the other person to look for ways to seek revenge, whether that means reciprocating their own hurt in similarly damaging ways or consistently punishing their partner until their own wounds heal. Neither will successfully cure the problem.

Fortunately, cheating does not always end in despair. Some couples find the strength and stability to recover from cheating and, in the end, it eventually makes them stronger.

The secret to moving forward from such a destructive event is to find the root of the problem – why did that person resort to cheating in the first place? Discovering the root to the problem and addressing it through increased communication will pave the way to recovery. But while cheating is easy to do, but it might be the hardest thing to recover from.