I can’t think of a series of words that’s much more ignorant than “global bacon shortage.”

But there it was, all over Tuesday’s news. Britain’s National Pig Association (even our Speculator editors would have a hard time making this stuff up) had announced findings that a decrease in the supply of bacon and other pork products was coming. Prices were going to rise.

Bear with me: I’ve been a vegetarian for about a year and half. I grew up eating meat, and not a week goes by where I don’t yearn for a chicken wing. But I’m invested now, and I’ve put in enough time to work up a little righteous rage over this stuff.

Truth is, we’ve had a global shortage of meat products for years. But producers have made up for it through systemic animal cruelty and serious environmental degradation.

All so we can make bacon weaves when Epic Meal Time comes to campus.

Bacon should be expensive. We should be eating less of it. The fact that supply will no longer be able to meet the demand of our meat-loving culture should not concern us like other problems of the free market do.

Now, who wants to come over for quinoa salad?