Things to remember on the journey of (re)discovering sex
By: Matthew Aksamit, contributor
CW: sexual assault, rape culture
This is written from the personal perspective of the writer. Everyone’s experience looks and feels different and can by no means be blanketed by a single perspective. This article has been edited by The Silhouette and Student Health Education Centre for clarity.
Right off the bat, I feel the need to clarify what I mean by sexual assault. After all, we are in a capitalist institution in which the normalization of rape culture is not only perpetuated, but also thrives — the university. I have heard countless “justifications” of assault: they were drinking or otherwise intoxicated; they were wearing provocative clothing; they were alone in a bad neighbourhood; or it does not count because it was their partner. The list goes on. There are also complexities when it comes to legal definitions of assault.
So, when I say this article is primarily for survivors of sexual assault, who am I talking about? Ultimately, I am talking about anyone who believes I am talking about them. If you are vocal about your experience or hesitant to share it, if you have pursued legal measures or if you have not, if you feel that twinge in your stomach every time you hear the word assault, or if you do not even know what to call your experience, if you are someone who has had a non-consensual encounter of a sexual nature, this is for you. These are the things I wish I knew and while I know it will not fix everything, I hope it helps.
Sexual desire after assault manifests differently for every survivor!
While some individuals may experience a reduced sexual drive (hyposexuality) as a result of sexual assault, some may experience the opposite (hypersexuality). It is important to note that both, in addition to falling anywhere on the spectrum of sexual desire, are equally valid reactions to trauma. The way you feel after assault should never be used to diminish or invalidate your experience. My personal experience manifested in hypersexuality and represented an effort to reclaim control over a narrative in which I previously didn’t have it.
Boundaries are your new best friend!
No, really! They are there to help make sure you are doing what makes you feel safe, comfortable and sexy. Boundaries are interlocked with consent and both are necessary to ensure a) this is sex, which requires consent to differentiate it from trauma and/or assault and b) you get to do the things that actively excite and please you!
Boundaries also extend far beyond the realm of sex and practicing establishing boundaries in other areas of your life, such as saying “no” to an event you really do not want to attend, can help make it feel more natural.
Give yourself time and space to mourn and heal!
One of the things I struggled with most after being assaulted was what to do after. I am very much the kind of person to try and shrug things off, get back to work and bury myself in things. Unfortunately, this meant I never really processed the trauma until it started affecting me months later. I had nightmares, panic attacks and, above all, I was confused as to what I should do.
This is where giving myself a space to mourn and heal came in. Creating a safe(r) space for myself meant surrounding myself with close friends who gave me their support and presence when it came to seeking medical care and contacting a mental health professional and a doctor. I was lucky enough to be able to see a therapist for free for a few months. Through these sessions I was able to talk through my experiences while being heard, supported and validated, all of which were necessary in my journey.
I also realize, however, that therapy is not available for everyone due to financial and other barriers, so I would also like to mention some free local and campus-based resources: the Sexual Assault Centre (Hamilton and Area) offers a 24/7 survivor support line, the Student Health Education Centre offers anonymous, confidential pregnancy testing, peer support and referrals to local services, the Women and Gender Equity Network offers support to all victims of sexual and gender-based violence and the Pride Community Centre offers support to 2SLGBTQIA+ and questioning individuals. The Student Wellness Centre also offers valuable resources to students.
You deserve peace and goodness!
When I was assaulted, in some twisted way, I thought I somehow deserved it. I thought it was my fault and I was ultimately responsible for my own unhappiness. I struggled and, to this day, struggle with the notion that I am a bad person. While this has not completely faded from my life, one of the things that has helped has been trying to take note of the inherent dignity I have and deserve because I am a human being. I am not perfect but in no way does this make me at fault for the situations in which I was taken advantage of.
So, what does sex after assault look like? Well, it looks different for everybody. What is important to remember is healing happens at a different pace for everyone and your path is not abnormal because it does not line up with someone else’s. And remember, as long as there is consent, there is no such thing as doing sex wrong! Explore, have fun and know you deserve all the light the sun has to offer.
C/O Dulcey Lima
Being aware of Canada’s historical atrocities helps one understand why Indigenous people can’t just “get over it”
By: Kimia Tahaei, Contributor
cw: suicide, abuse, violence, drug use
Time after time, we hear non-Indigenous individuals criticize the Indigenous community with demands to get over it and move on. Although it is seemingly perspicuous why the community cannot simply move past the decades of cultural erasure, mass genocide and racial discrimination, I will provide an even deeper insight in this article in hopes of educating the few.
Imagine being discriminated against on your land and then being forced to absorb the colonizer's culture. Not only was the land of Indigenous peoples strategically stripped away from them, but so was their culture, language and children. Since land confiscation was seemingly not enough, they are racially profiled and systemically discriminated against up to the present time. Taking into further consideration barbaric acts such as forcefully seizing children into the residential school system and coercing adults into working for plantations, it is naive to assume that long-term trauma doesn't form as a result.
Fred Kelly, a citizen of the Ojibways of Onigaming of the Anishinaabe Nation and an IRS survivor, described his experience as “agonizing”. In his writings in The Confessions of a Born Again Pagan, Kelly describes how the residential school system would brainwash young Indigenous children into shame and guilt because of their language, traditions and cultural practices. Kelly was taken away from his parents at a young and vulnerable age, had his hair cut as a symbol of cultural confiscation and faced physical abuse in numerous encounters. I wonder if colonizers ever saw the irony of committing these merciless acts against defenceless children and yet convincing them that they were the savage ones and in need of civilization.
Experiencing such intense traumatization at an impressionable age can lead to psychological issues such as an inferiority complex, post-traumatic stress disorder, crippling depression and future violent behaviour.
Taking a deeper psychological dive, after centuries of exploitation and experiencing European standards of right and wrong, it’s unsurprising that some Indigenous individuals questioned whether the Europeans were truly superior and how this societal hierarchy has remained constant through time. It is wholly unacceptable how the colonizers set themselves as a standard of success and have judged everything by that standard to this day.
Not only does this haunt Indigenous individuals who directly experienced this trauma in their lifetime, but it can also be passed on to subsequent generations. The transmission of this type of trauma caused by oppressive historical events is defined as intergenerational trauma. Although the mechanisms of transmission of intergenerational trauma are still unclear to scientists, the data is definite. According to the Aboriginal Peoples Survey, children and grandchildren of those who attended the residential schools were more likely to report signs of psychological distress, attempt suicide, experience learning difficulties and participate in drug use. Furthermore, with many Indigenous people living in rural and isolated areas, individuals have minimum access to mental health resources. Therefore, since the Indigenous community cannot approach their grief easily, historical traumatization and cultural dislocation, it becomes increasingly difficult to simply get over it.
I strongly believe that through historical education, the stigmatization of the Indigenous community can be altered if non-Indigenous individuals truly understand the depths of trauma that they have faced in all stages of life.
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By: Jenan Nasser
On Nov. 22, 2014, a devastating incident occurred in the Hamilton-Wentworth Detention Centre on Barton Street. An inmate, Rocky Ganesh, was brutally attacked by his cellmate. Rocky was beaten so viciously he slipped into a coma which lasted for weeks and resulted in severe brain trauma. His doctors are not predicting a full recovery.
Ganesh now lives at the Regional Rehabilitation Centre in the Hamilton General Hospital, unable to cognitively cope with the traumatic experiences he has been through. The mother of the assaulted victim, Sharda Ganesh, is seeking redress for the assault, claiming that there is not enough protection for inmates. Sharda suggests a provincial-wide revamping of cellmate provisions, which would segregate those who are known to be aggressive or have had past aggressive episodes with their cellmates, from those who have no such prior episodes.
The Hamilton-Wentworth Detention centre has had previous incidents in which prison security has proven to be insufficient, and the treatment of inmates has been inhumane. Due to the lack of security personnel, the prisoners have become aggressive towards authority on more than one occasion.
A convicted rapist was transferred from the detention centre for gassing a security guard after being confined in his cell for an extended duration because of the lack of staff on duty that day. A correctional officer at Wentworth explains that if Canadian prisons had more funding and greater attention was paid to the living conditions, they wouldn’t have to worry as much about the safety of their officers or the inmates themselves.
Due to the lack of resources, prisons are becoming more dangerous and less humane. Although prisons exist to confine criminals and law offenders, they should not be subjecting them to cruel conditions similar to those Rocky Ganesh endured. Sharda Ganesh told reporters that she wonders why the jail has enough resources to send two officers to guard Rocky by his bedside, now that he can’t move, but they weren’t there when he actually needed them.
This problem is a common one in Canada. With growing numbers of prisoners and the lack of government funding to accommodate them, a tragic incident like this could occur again. Whether people believe these inmates have a right to security is an old argument, however I believe that these inmates’ rights to life are being infringed upon. Although prisons are in place to restrict convicted felons, they are also in place to protect our rights as free abiders of the law. If living conditions worsen, not only have the constitutional rights of inmates been infringed upon but the safety and privileged freedom that we currently enjoy will also be compromised.
The money being spent on extra staff for hospital security and other fees for assault victims within the jail could be better put to use for greater staffing and larger facilities. There is no question that the prison system is flawed and can be a dangerous place, but fearing for your life or an unexpected ambush attack in the middle of the night should not be the reality of the lives of prisoners.
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