Tobi Abdul
Staff Reporter

If you put me in a group of five people I didn’t know, my anxiety would shoot through the roof and I’d be in a panic.

But if you put me on stage in front of fifty people and asked me to bare my soul, I wouldn’t hesitate. Being someone who usually prefers to be alone, having a passion for spoken word doesn’t make much sense.

But here I am, competing a few times a month in poetry slams in Hamilton and Toronto, standing in front of other people and asking them to assign a numerical value to how I share my thoughts, my feelings and my fears. The nerves don’t go away. Before each performance I feel like I’m going to throw up, my hands shake, a million things other than the poem run through my head and I fear terrific failure.

The first time I performed my poetry out loud was at a high school literary coffeehouse complete with black tablecloths, tea lights, and about seventy people. My knees shook so much that I thought I was literally going to fall. My voice wavered and I stared down at my paper the entire time, but as soon as I was done, the auditorium erupted into applause and in that moment, I fell in love with performing.

As soon I get on the stage, for those few minutes, I become someone else, someone more confident, less aware of my surroundings. It’s not so much that I have to overcome my introversion in order to perform spoken word, it’s that my passion for it is so big it feels impossible not to. Even though people are literally judging me, the reception somehow validates me. Lets me know that I’ve just told people the inner workings of my brain and they dig it.

That’s not to say that I only perform poetry for validation. It’s just an added bonus. The main reason why I compete in poetry slams and perform spoken word is to release. Spoken word is a rare format because you get to express yourself without anticipating a response. It’s a one-way conversation that is received with applauses, ovations, cheers and high scores (for the most part).

When I feel anything, whether it be happy or sad or angry, I write a poem. When I get up in front of people and say the poem, it’s as if I’ve just released all the feelings I’ve been holding in. Before I knew what an introvert was, I just thought I was a weird kid who was destined to be alone. I didn’t realize that it was normal to be exhausted by people. Even when you don’t try to, you’re constantly putting on a show for people. From putting on clothes, to brushing your hair, to showering, to looking presentable, it’s all for other people. Of course, I don’t go around dishevelled, dirty and naked when I am alone, but you put in an effort to look presentable for the public.

Beyond that, everything that you say has to be socially appropriate and you have to censor yourself slightly depending on your environment. When I felt like people wouldn’t understand the words I had to say, I would listen to or read other people’s words for reassurance in some semblance of unity.

When I heard a spoken-word poem for the first time, it was as if the feelings I got when I listened to a song and the ones I got when I read a good monologue came together. Since then, I haven’t been able to get enough of it. Having a passion for something outside my comfort zone but discovering that I’m pretty good at it forced me to come out of my shell. There’s one moment during every performance when I look into the audience and they’re looking at me with admiration that I realize I’m doing exactly what I was meant to do.

I still prefer to spend time alone, but every day I step out because I have to in order to keep doing what I love. I keep writing in hopes that one day there will be an awkward teenage kid who thinks they’re weird and my words will help them realize they aren’t. I hate being judged, I usually hate being the centre of attention and I hate putting on shows for people but yet I spend most of my time writing so that I can put on a show for people, be the center of attention and get judged. Ironic.

But I wouldn’t have it any other way. When you discover your passion, you may have to step outside of your comfort zone to pursue it but I can guarantee that it will be worth it.

Tobi Abdul
Staff Reporter

It has happened to all of us at one point: there you are, on time for the bus, only a few metres away when it just flies by, without you on it, causing you to be late for whatever important presentation or appointment you were off to. Or similarly, it’s freezing cold and you’re on time for the bus and just before literally freezing your fingers off, it does come. But unbelievably late, causing you to be late for whatever important presentation or appointment you were off to.

If you’ve ever been on the 5 or the 51, you know that once the bus reaches campus, it basically empties. Yet, despite this, the HSR has done nothing to cater its services on the 5 or 51 towards students.

We may not pay per trip, but regardless of how much we pay in comparison to what it costs, the fact that we do should guarantee us a service that actually works for us, instead of one where it’s a gamble as to if the buses are even going to show up at all.

To quote HBO: winter is coming. And despite all the bundling up that us Canadians have to endure to survive the freezing cold, walking sucks.

The HSR is unreliable at best. I may not know much about the bureaucracy behind the bus system but I can’t imagine that it really takes that much to make sure the buses are relatively on time or viagra alternative at most, make sure the buses actually show up.

We deserve something a little better considering that we pay for this service and until the HSR recognizes the fact that the student demographic are its biggest constituents on the 5 or 51, they will make no steps to give us better service.

        @toe_bee

Tobi Abdul
Staff Reporter

In the past few months, it has seemed as though the world has been shocked to learn that people grow up.

Miley Cyrus has been under heavy scrutiny for breaking away from her Hannah Montana image in favour of twerking and sticking out her tongue. Evidently, she’s no longer a role model to the young tweens who watched Hannah Montana with complete adoration of Miley’s sweet Southern demeanour. Yes, the young tweens who are now legal adults themselves or nearing adulthood.

Irish singer-songwriter Sinead O’Connor took it upon herself to write an open letter to Miley advising her after she called O’Connor a role model of hers. O’Connor warns Miley against letting the industry prostitute her and berates her actions basically implying that Miley is a puppet of the industry, controlled by thinking men care about her because she swings naked on wrecking balls and tells her exactly what “real empowerment” is.

Sinead O’Connor. The same shaven-head lady who ripped up a photo of the Pope on national television now writing that Miley’s actions are “absolutely NOT in ANY way an empowerment of [her]self or any other young women.” A lot of people praised this letter but I think it’s just another example of the way we shame woman into conforming to an ideal. Personally, I think the entire letter straddles the line of victim blaming and slut shaming. As women, do we have an obligation to other women to act in a way that empowers us all?

What is this “real empowerment” that O’Connor speaks of? I think Miley’s actions are empowering, just as I think O’Connor’s actions on Saturday Night Love were also empowering. “Real empowerment” should be doing what you want to do, despite social pressure to do something else. Isn’t that all what we’re fighting for? The right to not have our actions scrutinized and judged against some measure of morality and empowerment.

I may not agree with Miley’s actions for myself, I would most likely never hump giant teddy bears, but I support her because she does not give a crap about what anyone says. Her actions in no sign show any characteristic of her being prostituted by the industry. Sure, I’m sure that her manager and label are thrilled with her album’s success and would prefer her to keep doing what she’s doing, but make no mistake that Miley’s actions are done because she wants to do them, not because anyone is telling her to.

We do have an obligation to each other as women, but this obligation isn’t to cover our bodies and think that every man is out to pimp us out. The obligation that we have to each other is to let ourselves be individuals outside of this gender identity. If I want to gyrate half naked, I think that I have the right to do so.

I would completely understand if you didn’t want to watch that, which is why I think a world stage isn’t the best platform for it, but I do think that our actions are governed too little by what we actually want to do and governed too much by what others want to do.

Whether you identify as woman or not, you do not owe anything to anybody. Be who you want to be and act in a way that you want to act whether or not you think it “empowers” whatever group you belong to. Your actions do not dictate how anyone else is seen. We are who we are and we should be respected for it.

Tobi Abdul
The Silhouette

Dear homeless people,

I see you. In a world where you are invisible, please know that I see you. I understand that you are another person, trying to survive another day, just as we all are. You may not own much, but you have hope. You have hope that people will give you their spare change out of pure generosity. You still believe in the goodness of humanity, and in people, which is more than I can say for most of us. The rest of us walk with our heads down, rushing from one place to another, trying to block out all the bad in the world, while forgetting that as we do, we also block out the good.

You sit on the sidewalk, head high, cup outstretched, becoming all the more hopeful with each coin that drops into your cup. With each cent, you are reassured that there are good people in the world.  I may walk past you in a hurry, but I think about you as I do. I think about you as I put money into the transit box instead of walking, I think about you as I scramble for change for an overpriced coffee and I think about you as I get into bed at night wishing my bed was more comfortable.

People may scoff and think that they are better than you but they are wrong, because you are among the wisest of people. I do not even know you, and yet, you have taught me life’s most valuable lessons. Because of you, I have learned to appreciate what I have, and give when I can to those who have less. Because of you, I have realized that there is more to life than money and clothes. I may be more educated, but you are more knowledgeable.

You are stronger than me, because you must rely on the rest of the world in order to meet life’s most basic needs. We are overwhelmed by the bad in the world, overloaded with statistics and biases and devastation. You are liberated in your ignorance, and empowered by your hopefulness. I lie, and tell you that I have no change, and you give me a grin and tell me to have a nice day. The grin that breaks my heart. I am no better than you because I have a home, I am no better than you because I possess more. It seems at times that you are better than me, because you are resilient, brave and despite seeming broken, you smile.

I give when I have, and when I am changeless I will still give. I will give you a smile, to let you know that I care, I will give you half of my sandwich so you will not go hungry, I will give you well wishes, that you may survive another day, and most importantly, I will give you my utmost respect, for doing what most of us could not. I think this is what is most forgotten when we look at you, we forget that you are among the bravest of men.

You wish people a good day, when they have done nothing to help yours and you stand strong, despite being told that you are less because you have less. I want you to know that I see you. I see the strength in you, and I only wish one day, I too will be able to have the same strength that you do. Thank you for these life lessons and thank you for showing me that the most humbling view is the one from the sidewalk.

Tobi Abdul
The Silhouette

I am the kind of person who can't hang out because I have a date with Netflix. I am also the kind of person who will stare at you in confusion if you answer, "I don't know, I don't really watch TV much, I don't like it" when I ask you what your favourite TV show is. If you've ever answered anything similar, I only have one thing to say to you: your life is a lie. For the rest of you normal people who appreciate the complexities of modern TV, we can all rejoice because fall is finally here. Sure, leaves are pretty and football is awesome, but let's face it, the real reason we're so excited is because we can finally find out what's happening to Callie and Arizona. Here is a day-by-day look at my Monday to Friday recommendations. There are tons more shows out there, but this is what I'll be watching when I should be doing homework.

Monday

Apparently even TV hates Mondays. Maybe it's better that way since there's something unsettling about looking forward to a Monday anyway.

How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8:00 p.m.)

Yes, I know, we've had enough. And yet we tune in, either of out of loyalty or out of some irresistible curiosity. The last season where we can finally find out who decided to put poor Ted Moseby out of his misery by marrying him.

Almost Human (November 4th, FOX, 8:00 p.m.)

Cop show meets sci-fi with eye candy Michael Ealy as an android. It could probably go either way, but to me it seems promising. J.J. Abrams brings us a new drama featuring human cops who are partnered with highly intelligent androids.

Tuesday

Brooklyn Nine-Nine (FOX, 8:30 p.m.)

My first thought was "Really? Another cop drama starring...Andy Samberg? And Andre Braugher? Ew." But once I had heard that it came from two Parks and Rec writers, I decided to give it a shot. It's actually really funny, and Samberg is loveable as Det. Peralta, although it’s not especially different from his other roles.

New Girl (FOX, 9:00 p.m.)

If you're not watching New Girl, you're doing something wrong. Schmidt, Winston, Nick, and Jess are unlike any characters we have on TV, especially now that Happy Endings has been cancelled (still not over that one). New Girl definitely needs some new storylines, but I think its best days are ahead of us. If not, whatever, Schmidt happens.

Luther (BBC, 9:00 p.m.)

If there's one thing the British are great at, it's amazing TV. Detective John Luther is one of the most three-dimensional characters on TV and he stands by the idea that sometimes you have to blur the lines of right and wrong in order to do something good.

The Mindy Project (FOX, 9:30 p.m.)

Mindy Kaling's trying to revive the sexy, single, 30-something that seems to have been overshadowed by all the sexy, single, 20-somethings who are on TV right now. The one liners are superb and Dr. Mindy Lahiri, like most of us out there, is trying to find the balance between finding love and eating a tub of ice cream on the couch in your PJs at 4 p.m  on Saturday.

Wednesday

Whoever did the Wednesday night programming sucks. Its conflicting times for shows that have basically the same viewer base (housewives and morbid people) is frustrating and makes no sense.

Criminal Minds (CBS, 9:00 p.m.)

The BAU shows no signs of slowing down and I really want to see where they're going to go with character develop.m.ent after the tragic ending of the last season. Definitely looking forward to seeing Matthew Gray-Gubler on my screen again.

L&O: SVU (NBC, 9:00 p.m.)

I'm probably one of two loyal followers of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit after 14 seasons but I just can't get enough. I mean did you SEE last season's finale?! Try not to binge-watch this show though, unless you want to lose all faith in humanity.

Thursday

There is too much mind-blowing happening on Thursdays for me to fully comprehend.

Grey's Anatomy (Sept 26, ABC 9:00 p.m.)

I'm trying not to think about the fact that this will be the end for Christina Yang. Like with every new Grey's season, there are a lot of loose ends to be tied up and I really hope Shonda Rhimes is less cruel to us this season. Let's also hope that Arizona is less painful to be around.

Michael J. Fox Show (Sept 26, NBC 9:30 p.m.)

I'm pretty picky with my sitcoms but I'm really excited to see how Michael J Fox plays this one. The show is loosely based on his life, and I think can go either way. If the trailer tells us anything, there are enough Parkinson's jokes to last us the entire season.

Parenthood (Sept 26, NBC 10:00 p.m.)

I actually did a happy dance when this show finally was out of TV purgatory and given a renewal. Despite basically being Brothers & Sisters 2.0, Parenthood is the show that reminds us how important family is, no matter how utterly crazy they all are.

Scandal (October 3, ABC 10:00 p.m.)

It's about lying, and politics, and cover-ups but it's also about trust, and love, and loyalty. Shonda Rhimes is a TV genius that has made it possible to care for a stubborn, tenacious character like Olivia Pope and her band of misfits.

White Collar (October 17, USA 9:00 p.m.)

To me, White Collar is that high school sweetheart whose name I doodle in my notebook while all too aware that it’s never actually going to work out. But enjoy it while you can right? White Collar is only getting stronger as a TV show and this Suits-esque show makes me gush like a schoolgirl.

Friday

Is it sad if I predrink to The Carrie Diaries?

The Carrie Diaries (October 25, CW 8:00 p.m.)

The show is based on a series that was a prequel to another series that inspired a highly successful show and two movies. What's not surprising though is that The Carrie Diaries and Sex and the City have little to nothing in common. It may be about high school kids but it is one of the most relatable shows out there.

I think the TV stations actually want us to be social on the weekend so they programmed virtually nothing interesting to watch. Just remember, if it's 3 a.m. and you find yourself asking "another episode or sleep?", always choose sleep (even though I know you won't).

Tobi Abdul
The Silhouette

There’s something magical about festival time in Toronto. The city is electric. Eleven days of non-stop buzz, red carpet premieres, glamour across the city, thousands of visitors from all over the world, paparazzi, bumping into celebrities and meeting people in ‘rush’ lines.

The best parts of the Toronto International Film Festival, however, are the feelings you get from screenings. The feeling of awe as you step out of a theatre after watching a great movie; the sound of laughter in theatre packed with 1600 people; standing in the cold for two hours waiting for tickets only to end up seeing the best movie you’ve ever seen. During those one-and-a-half festival weeks, there is no other city I’d rather be in (hence playing hooky from school).

Now the buzz has died down, the stars have returned home and Toronto is a little bit quieter, but these feelings persist. The bad news is that TIFF is over, but the good news is that you can still see these amazing movies on the big screen (and for a fraction of the price). Release dates are pending, but when they come out, go and watch them.

The F Word

From Harry Potter fans to anyone who has ever been in love with someone they said was “just a friend,” this is the romantic comedy of the year (and considering my unhealthy love of rom-coms, that’s a big deal). Daniel Radcliffe does a fantastic job as Wallace, a more than slightly awkward, bitter, med school dropout. Wallace happens to befriend, and inevitably falls in love with, Chantry (played by the lovely Zoe Kazan) who is in a long-term relationship. It’s easy to brush off rom-coms without a second thought, but this three-dimensional romantic comedy makes you laugh and cry, and makes you root for the scorned hopeless romantic. Michael Dowse (director of Goon) takes two ordinary characters and makes you love them.

Rating: 4/5

Reasons to watch: Filmed in Toronto, Daniel Radcliffe’s butt and Adam Driver being Adam Driver

Blue is the Warmest Color

This profound French film reminds us how wonderful it is to find that one person who makes you rethink everything you thought you knew about yourself, and how much it can hurt when that relationship ends. This isn’t so much a movie about lesbians, but a story about two people who fall in love. Adèle (Adèle Exarchopoulos) is a 15-year-old girl who, like all of us at one point, is just trying to navigate through high school and figure out who she is. Then she meets Emma (Léa Seydoux), who rocks her world. With time jumps and amazing chemistry, this movie tugged at my heart strings and tested my French skills.

Rating: 4/5

Reasons to watch: Léa Seydoux with blue hair, a 12 minute sex scene and great art

Dallas Buyers Club

Now I’ve personally never heard anyone say “I really love Matthew McConaughey,” but after seeing this movie, you may change your mind. It’s 1986, AIDS is on a rampage, and people know very little about it. Homophobic cowboy Ron Woodruff (McConaughey) is surprised to have contracted HIV after unprotected sex with a slew of different women. AIDS research is scarce and the drugs are inadequate, so Ron, with his new transgendered friend Rayon (Jared Leto), smuggle drugs into the US to help many other suffering victims. This movie shows us just how strong friendship is. It can knock down your highest walls and completely scramble your way of thinking. Just beware, unless you’re a robot, you will cry.

Rating: 4.5/5

Reasons to watch: Jared Leto in drag (do you need any other reason?)

To me, movies are enchanting. They can challenge our way of thinking or allow us to dream about all the possibilities in life. They show us the impossible and, for an hour and a half to two hours, they turn us into complete believers. I think this is why TIFF is so glamorous. Hundreds of thousands of people line up to see this magic happen firsthand and to see the people who made it possible. If you can make it to festival ‘14, I recommend it. Until then, be enchanted.