By: Paulina Prazmo
It begins with a smile, a hello and then a “may I have your number?” Fast-forward to the first kiss, first fight, first time meeting the parents. First “I love you.” And then, for some, escalating to that first big trip you take together as a couple. How do you know when it’s the right time for you and your significant other to take a vacation together? Will it put a strain on your relationship? Or will it make it stronger?
McMaster couple Alex Holjevac and Kelsey Murray, both psychology majors, have been together for a year and offered to shed some light on this relationship milestone. The two of them recently took a horse-drive trip to Kananaskis, Alberta, located right outside of Banff National Park. This was no ordinary romantic “let’s fall in love again horseback riding into the sunset” trip. It involved pain from being on the horses for five hours a day, being thrown off the horse into horse waste and the potential of being trampled in a stampede. It included sleeping in tents, being drenched from the recent thunderstorm and completely losing it because the last meal they had was a granola bar six hours ago. It sounds downright frightening - especially when you look over to your travel buddy and it’s your boyfriend or girlfriend. Nevertheless, Alex and Kelsey both said with grins as big as horseshoes that it was the single greatest experience of their life.
They explained how such a trip out of the city to a more rural setting taught them something new about each other. Each of them got to see a different side of one another. Alex said it was a really good time to test their relationship and step outside of their comfort zone to see what they are like when taken away from everything that is familiar to them. It provided an opportunity to learn new things about each other and about their relationship. Alex learned that Kelsey is strongly driven and wants to succeed in everything that she does, even if there are obstacles in the way. Kelsey learned that Alex has a lot more mental strength than she thought before. “I also learned how much he wants to be a cowboy,” she laughed. They both learned that they do not necessarily need to have everything in common between the two of them and it is definitely important to respect the other person and understand where they are coming from.
Alex and Kelsey recommended that if you are thinking of traveling with your significant other to make sure that both of you have been in a healthy and comfortable relationship for no less than seven months. They said it is a good idea to start off taking day trips together and working up to weekend trips to feel out the possibility of a longer trip. To those couples who are already thinking or planning a trip together, they advised to plan ahead and not to let the little things disrupt the exciting trip you two are going on together. “Relax and enjoy it. Don’t focus on the small things because in the end that doesn’t matter. What matters is having an adventure together,” said Alex. Kelsey also gave some insight about traveling with your significant other: “Try not to have too many expectations. You start looking for things that aren’t there. Have things fall where they should and let the memories make themselves.”
Most people would do anything for their friends. Most people's friends would do anything for them. That’s why at one point or another, boy or girl, we have all either been or needed a wingman in some way. Some may claim to need no such assistance, and that’s fine, but there is no shame in being a wingman. In fact, there is plenty to be said for bringing along a trusted partner in crime whenever your goal is to meet someone new.
There is a good deal of merit to the wingman strategy. First, there is always strength in numbers. Attractive single people are usually not just strolling around alone waiting for you to come and save the day, so having a friend to talk to their friend(s) can never be a bad thing.
Second, even the best journalists need quotes to back up their work. It is always good to talk about your accomplishments and what qualities you've been blessed with, but if there is someone there who has some authority on reporting the details of your life, all the more credibility is added to your self-synopsis.
The ideal wingman is fearless, creative and well-spoken. A journey into the wild animal kingdom that is the dating sphere is difficult enough. If your "back-up" is a deer in the headlights, no one is going to benefit.
Also, by this time in a person’s life, they have heard a good deal of lines. If your wingman is lacking in creative spark, you two may just end up shooting the breeze over some Heinekens.
That being said, "my friend thinks you’re pretty" is not ok. No matter how you say it.
Chemistry is the most important factor in designating a wingman.
You may have met (insert name here) in res this year and they are your new closest friend. But if you know very little about one another, it becomes challenging to pull off the type of like-minded synchronization that comes from years of shared experiences in revelry and adventure.
The trust developed over time as friends is imperative to a good tag team. The wingman sometimes has to be deceitful and misleading in order to obtain certain goals. There is no way that you are going to pull off things like changed names, backgrounds or bio's if your Scotty Pippin isn't on the same page.
With great power comes great responsibility. If you are so lucky as to be a wingman for a friend, it is because they consider you to be someone that helps their chances at success (whatever the given goal may be). Do not let them down. When you need a wingman next, they will be there for you.
By: Katie Golobic
In the dusk of the summer months, the impending school year unfalteringly coincides with a serious dose of reality and sobriety. For many, however, it also means eight long, difficult months away from their romantic partner. Summer flings have ended, and university is often considered a time to ignite new or old flames of amour amongst fellow students. The adventure of a fresh new relationship is one that many are drawn to. Nonetheless, some decide to brave the task of maintaining a previously established relationship with said summer love, or even a high school sweetheart. The romanticism of long distance relations is one that is easy to fall victim to; it works in the movies, right?
The truth of the matter is (as with all things worth doing) long distance relationships are no walk in the park. They are a marathon of sorts - a long, often mentally straining and emotionally dehydrating marathon - but the payout can be immense.
Though not for the faint of heart, there are many ways to maintain a happy, healthy and long-lasting long-distance relationship. Whether your beau goes to U of T or Harvard, here are some simple, practical ways to keep it together whilst being apart.
Summer Fling: a popular warm weather sport played between the months of May and August. An average match lasts 8 to 12 weeks (give or take a few) and involves two people in a commitment-free form of human interaction, sharing prolonged eye contact and tender moments.
During the summer months it’s always fun to have a little adventure. Whether that be traveling to a new destination, cleaning out your closet, and for some, sparking the fire of a quick summer fling.
Summer romances can be a great way to pass time and feel loved for a few months before the bustle of school starts up again. But what do you do if September comes around and your temporary significant other just won’t let go? Is it possible to break off a summer fling without somebody getting hurt?
“If you’re having a summer fling, you should treat it just as that,” explains second year English student Jamie. “You can’t expect anything more from it, it is what it is.”
That being said, if you have somehow managed to land yourself in the predicament of a summer fling that just can’t be flung, there are a few steps that can be taken to cool the hearth of a heat wave love affair.
If at the start of your relationship you let your partner know that you were not ready for a commitment then thumbs up to you, because you’re already one step ahead! When keeping a casual relationship, it is important to let your other half know what you plan on getting out of this arrangement. If you didn’t let them know up front that for you this was just a four month free-for-all, sit down and let them know that quite simply, it would not be a good idea for you to continue your relationship. If need be, bring up all the commitments that you are already tied to come September - school, work, sports, your Sims family, whatever it is that could potentially cause problems when trying to maintain your relationship.
“It’s when people start anticipating something more from the relationship that problems develop. I personally don’t think summer flings are a good idea or that they can last because someone will almost always end up getting hurt,” stated second year Linguistics student Jenna.
No one should be getting hurt in this situation. There should be no need for you to abruptly end the relationship or suddenly start ignoring the person. Take the time to talk through what is going on and slow things down. And when I say slow things down, let’s make this obvious: I mean between the sheets. Give it a week or two and gradually work your sexual encounters down to a glacial pace, making them as few and far between as possible. It will soon become obvious that you aren’t interested anymore or that you just don’t have the time. Don’t suddenly leave them high and dry (so to speak) after four months of a pretty wild schedule; no one likes feeling used.
Summer flings can be fun and manageable, so long as you make sure not to rush into a relationship you aren’t prepared for. Try to keep the commitment light and airy, especially when it’s nearing its natural end. If in a role reversal you are the one having difficulties letting go, try not to take the blow too hard and understand that in most cases summer flings are just that, nothing more. Reminisce about the good times you did have and rethink how you might handle a similar situation next summer.
If you like it, then you shouldn’t put a fling on it.
Welcome to Welcome Week. In just under a month, McMaster will kick off another school year with a week of orientation designed to introduce, in part, the experience offered here in Hamilton to droves of hormonal kids who aren’t in high school anymore, but have no idea what university is like - no matter how many times they have been to London with a fake ID.
It traditionally gets messy, and is known lovably around North America as “frosh week,” a term of endearment, truly. Livers have suffered, virginities have been won and lost, and reputations will last a lifetime.
When making your “mark” here at McMaster, try your hardest not to leave that mark too many places, or in second year CMST 20-whatevers. It could get a little awkward when you’re sitting in between them for the midterms – know what I mean?
Be selective. There is lots to choose from – we are lucky to go to a school of many cultures, interests and it shows at any school event.
Do not go for anything and everything, try find something you like. By the same token, try not to like too many sets of roommates. Never turns out good for anyone.
Try to be age-conscious, as you don’t want to the gap in generations to come in between what could be a very fruitful physical relationship.
Throughout the year, the school will gladly provide you with guidance for physical and mental health. For now, though, good luck to you.
To some it will be about quantity, to some it will be about quality, but to everyone it will be a life-changing experience.
Always be smart, that’s what got you here. Enjoy.
It goes without saying, but play it safe, as you don’t want one-night stands going sour.
[adrotate banner="16"]
[feather_share show="twitter, google_plus, facebook, reddit, tumblr" hide="pinterest, linkedin, mail"]
By: Dawn Braiscak
Everyone knows love is the most common theme in songs, but why? I believe the answer is sex.
From an evolutionary psychology perspective, this makes a lot of sense. In 1872, Darwin proposed that in our evolutionary past, music was used to attract mates. Sexual selection could have been the driving force for the evolution of music: individuals who had the ability to create music made more babies than those who did not have the ability to make music. Luckily for us, something about music perception and production was passed on, allowing for the babies of musical parents to make more babies with musical abilities.
There is an ongoing debate about the extent to which music is an evolutionary adaptation. Your ability to hear is the result of evolution; the ability to identify the location and type of sounds in your environment is an adaptation. The auditory system allows you to hear a low growl, recognize it belongs to a predator, and locate it is approaching you from the left. The ability to understand sounds in your environment is called auditory scene analysis. Pitch and temporal processing likely evolved for auditory scene analysis. In a recent paper, Dr. Trainor, director of McMaster’s Institute for Music and the Mind, suggests that music probably originated as a cultural phenomenon. However, once it was a cultural creation, the benefits conferred emotionally and socially gave music-makers advantages over other groups. Groups who made music together in the environment in which we evolved succeeded more than their non-musical counterparts.
Synchronization with a beat, also known as entrainment, gives rise to social benefits. Several studies conducted here at McMaster, show that moving in synchrony to music helps people get along. This effect is even present in 14 month old infants. Infants show enhanced helping behaviour when they move in synchrony with a partner to music as opposed to asynchronously. Other studies have shown that synchronous movement can lead to enhanced memory of others and even the release of endorphins. Who needs drugs when you can dance? The emotions elicited by music also have the ability to help synchronize the emotions of a group. Music can make a group of people feel joy at a wedding or sorrow at a funeral. Group cohesion would have been vital to survival in the environment in which humans evolved. Groups that were able to work together could have fought off other tribes and defended their young more successfully. The sexual selection hypothesis and the group cohesion hypothesis do not need to be mutually exclusive. Differential reproduction could have also been a pressure leading to the evolution of music.
Music’s relationship with sex has gone beyond that pressured by evolution. The last century alone has seen sex in music transform from Ella and Louis’ on-stage intimacy to crazed fans of the Beatles to sexualized-pop icons like Britney Spears and Beyoncé. Musicians constantly push boundaries and with this have contributed to the modern culture of sex.
Today, sex fuels the music industry. My eyes and ears are constantly being bombarded by sensual, intimate, emotionally charged messages, many of which are hypersexualized. They make you crave it—and we like craving it; without a drive for sex, no animals would exist today. But sometimes, these messages can bad, and not in the naughty way. Sometimes, the craving for sex our music culture creates overshadows the music itself. As a person’s attractiveness increases, their likelihood of success in the music industry increases. I’m not saying that you don’t need talent if you have crazy sex appeal, but I do wonder how many talented people haven’t made it yet because they lack sex appeal.
As a female musician, sex, music, and I have a special relationship. I used to think that I was only compatible with musicians. I used to think the only reason guys liked me was because of my voice. A guy once told me he wished he could fuck my voice. Charming, right? I have fallen head over heels for drummers and guitarists, and crushed on many more. My first time was a one night stand with a guy from a touring band. He had just opened for A Very Good Bad Band so O My Heart I felt pretty accomplished. My seemingly magnetic pull to musicians makes me believe in Darwin’s theory about music and the ability to attract someone to have sex with you. For guys at least.
I don’t know if the same is true for girls. I feel like it is rare that a female musician has fans who throw themselves at her unless she is an obvious sex icon. Gaga is a lady so obviously she has her monsters. Beyoncé is a Queen so obviously she has a BeyHive. But for the average female musician, like me, I think it is rare that fans throw themselves at you. Maybe that is because my performances are not sexualized enough. Nonetheless, sex is a big part of my craft.
A guy once told me he wished he could fuck my voice. Charming, right?
I draw inspiration from sex. Half of my songs are about love. Half of these are about lust, sexy thoughts, and physical intimacy. Playing these songs makes me feel vulnerable. I literally have a song where the refrain is “You make me feel so vulnerable.” OK, maybe it wasn’t originally written for the audience, but it definitely applies to them. In all seriousness, my hope as a performer is to make someone feel understood with my music. Every person experiences a struggle to find love. Whether this is from an evolutionary perspective, as the struggle to find a mate, or from the cultural perspective, as the struggle to belong, it is a shared experience. I hope that I can make people feel — sexy, loved, understood — even if only for a moment.
Beats for the bump & grind
(As selected by The Silhouette staff)
[thesil_related_posts_sc]Related Posts[/thesil_related_posts_sc]
[adrotate banner="16"]
[feather_share show="twitter, google_plus, facebook, reddit, tumblr" hide="pinterest, linkedin, mail"]
Is there something wrong with me?
By: Margo Singleton
As a virgin, I have no shame in admitting that I have countlessly Googled “how to know when you’re ready for sex.” The fact that I’m Googling it clearly suggests that I’m not ready, yet I continue to take every Cosmopolitan quiz just to be sure. I wouldn’t be so concerned about my virginity if I were completely single, but as it turns out, my relationship status sports the “it’s complicated” label on Facebook.
My man and I are at a crossroad within our sex life. He desperately wants that homerun, while I’d much rather stay at third base. The amount of pressure I feel regarding the loss of my virginity is so overwhelming that I attempt to push aside all thoughts of it. For most others my age, this event has come and gone with little thought. When I hear other people’s stories, I can’t help but wonder, is there something wrong with me?
Those of whom I ask to provide me with advice simply say, “you’ll know when you’re ready”, but I’m not so sure that I will. There are many issues I have with losing my virginity, especially to this particular man. For the most part, the idea of potentially getting pregnant is enough to make me sew my vagina shut and prevent my legs from opening past a 20-degree angle. In that case, I’d have to take birth control, which does not personally appeal to me. Then there’s the decision of lube, condoms, location, and whether or not a date should be chosen. Although these are all necessary decisions to make prior to the big bang, I think my inability to feel ready for sex stems beyond these minor technicalities.
Will we have to have sex every time we hang out? What if he’s just with me because of the sex? Will I be okay if things don’t work out with him? Does he love me? Or more importantly, do I love him? By speculating about the answer to these questions, it may appear as if my boy toy and I haven’t had a proper discussion about sex, but we’ve had multiple. He’s promised to wait until I’m ready (which for him means asking “so can we?” every time we get down and dirty), but refuses to say we’re in a relationship until we do the deed. It is for this reason that I struggle with feeling ready to have sex with him. I shouldn’t have to satisfy him through intercourse to be seen worthy enough to get into a relationship with and even though I realize that, here I am. With five years under our belt, I truly want to believe that he sees more to this relationship than just potential sex. But wanting to believe it emphasizes the doubt that lingers. If we were to have sex in the near future, I wouldn’t be doing it for my own satisfaction. I’d be doing it to satisfy his needs, to make him not leave me again, and to finally be worthy enough to be in an unhealthy relationship with.
Sex shouldn’t be a requirement to be in a relationship and yet it seems to have become one. As a 20-year-old university student, it often feels like I’m the only one not having sex, which is why I usually don’t discuss my situation with friends. It wasn’t until this year when I started sharing my dilemma with others that I realized I’m not alone; there are other virgins who also feel pressured to define their worth through sex. If there’s anything I can take away from my love life, it’s that the decision to lose your virginity shouldn’t only include coming prepared with an effective form of birth control. There’s more to sex than just doing it with safety, you should want to have sex and do it under pressure-free circumstances that are right for you. After all, I’ve heard your first time is an experience few tend to forget, and even if it doesn’t go as planned, the least I can do is make sure I was more than ready.
Casual hookups aren’t for everyone
By: Ingrid Sampath
I come from a long line of late bloomers. Me, my sibling, those that came before us, we all took our sweet time when it came to settling into our sexuality. I’ve surrounded myself with fellow lead-footed florets my whole life, and up until recently, my slow-moving sex life has never caused problems for me.
My slowness is something I’ve always been comfortable with. I hadn’t kissed a boy until I was 18, hadn’t spent the night with someone until I was 21, but even with my general comfort in these numbers, and my box-ticking pretty much complete, I still felt like there were a lot of things I hadn’t properly experienced.
Anytime I was faced with the prospect of a relationship, I had the perfectly normal expectation that we would go out with one another for several months, make each other mix tapes (read: Spotify playlists), kiss in the rain a few times and then all of a sudden it would explode into a burst of sparkles, roses and orgasms. But more often than not, this simply never became a reality.
I tried my fair share of “relationships,” and most of them ended with my counterpart being dissatisfied with my rate of movement, and consequently dumping me before some major holiday.
I started to think that to have a twenty-first century romance I needed to discard my nineteenth century expectations and buckle down for a hard ride (pun somewhat intended) with fuck boys and Netflix and chill. I decided that I was tired of waiting for the “right” person to come along and instead I started settling for the next person to come along. Rather, the next people to come along.
Almost overnight I went from my contented slow-motion blossoming to what I thought would be a rapid sexual awakening that would turn me into a believer of casual sex and a true twenty-first century dater.
This was not an effective plan.
Quickly into my short string of conquests, I realized that I didn’t enjoy the nature of casual hookups. Anytime I met with someone, I was left feeling empty and dissatisfied, longing for the fireworks that I dreamt of. I don’t regret my decision to trial this lifestyle — I will admit, it was still a lot of fun — but after experiencing it, I learned something important.
Some people just do things slower, and that is OK. I’ve had countless conversations with friends who feel insecure about their lack of or minor experience, and it pains me to hear them say they feel the need to lower their standards or reduce their values just so they can have something more to show for their next partner.
Sometimes it feels like everyone is hooking up with everyone and you’re left trapped behind a hymen, but it’s OK to take your time if that’s what you want to do. You might be late to the party, but you’re nowhere near last call.
[thesil_related_posts_sc]Related Posts[/thesil_related_posts_sc]
[adrotate banner="16"]
[feather_share show="twitter, google_plus, facebook, reddit, tumblr" hide="pinterest, linkedin, mail"]
If you are a human on this planet and are currently alive, you have heard about the novel Fifty Shades of Grey. The book — which featured a woman discovering kinky sex through her rich and emotionally constipated boyfriend — sparked controversy over whether a relationship that included kink could ever be considered healthy. It’s debatable whether the story can even be classified as BDSM (a better label for it would have been eroticized abuse), but here’s the thing, vanilla relationships, a.k.a. “conventional” ones, have a lot to learn from BDSM practices.
So what is BDSM exactly? People dressed in latex and leather? Whips and chains? Tortured souls like Mr. Grey trying to sexually work through their childhood trauma? An exact definition is a little hard to pin down. The acronym stands for bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism, which covers a lot of ground but doesn’t really express the diversity of the scene, which is greatly shaped by your own personal preferences. Not everyone who is interested in BDSM is “damaged” or broken because of their tastes, nor is all BDSM about pain. Just because you like one aspect of BDSM doesn’t mean you don’t have limits, and while sometimes odd, it is not inherently abusive. Just like other relationships, BDSM is shaped by the people who practice it, not solely by the type of sex that one or both partners enjoy.
How does BDSM different from assault you ask? Explicit consent.
Due to the nature of kinky sex, you need to set out very clear parameters with your partner ahead of time. For example, how are you going to communicate if one person is gagged? What word ends the game when one partner is pretending to struggle? When should people check in about how they are feeling during or after a “scene”? All of these factors need to be decided well in advance, often with a detailed checklist or a long conversation.
This does not mean that we should give all BDSM practices a get out jail (or dungeon) free card. I should emphasize that not all BDSM is inherently benign. Many people get defensive when it comes to their kinks, which makes sense. Sex is personal, and when someone points out that your personal life is problematic I can see how your knee jerk reaction is to defend yourself. However, this doesn’t mean we can dismiss all criticism as “kink shaming.” For example, no matter who you are or how you express your sexuality, if you fantasize about rape I am going to be wary around you, no matter if you engage in safe roleplaying or not. I get that people often can’t help the fantasies that they are interested in or intrigued by, but this doesn’t mean that they don’t have real world ramifications. Our tastes do not exist in a vacuum, and we need to constantly be asking ourselves where they come from and how they affect our interpersonal relationships.
Often with vanilla sex there is an unspoken agreement that both partners are going to remain within “normal” and expected parameters, but nowhere along the way is “normal” defined.
What healthy BDSM does well is facilitate a negotiation about our preferences. Often with vanilla sex there is an unspoken agreement that both partners are going to remain within “normal” and expected parameters, but nowhere along the way is “normal” defined. One person’s normal could be another person’s no-thank-you. There is no conventional conversation process which could help avoid uncomfortable or dangerous situations. Questions like, “what form of birth control will we be using?” or “is there any part of your body you would prefer I didn’t touch?” will make your partner — and your sex life — more comfortable. I swear, it is not as unsexy as it sounds. Talking through sex before you have it can be exciting, and the sex itself will be better if you don’t feel like you are trying to find what makes your partner tick the same way you would a light switch in the dark.
Therefore, instead of thinking of BDSM as something freakish and unhealthy, let’s instead view it as a process. Let’s adopt the framework that comes with unconventional sex and bring it into our clandestine sex lives, because nothing but good can come from open conversation. Don’t make the mistake of assuming that just because your sex life doesn’t involve electric shocks or boot licking that you don’t need to talk about it.
[thesil_related_posts_sc]Related Posts[/thesil_related_posts_sc]
[adrotate banner="16"]
[feather_share show="twitter, google_plus, facebook, reddit, tumblr" hide="pinterest, linkedin, mail"]
By: Nina Gaind
Dream a wet dream of me…
Thinking about your crush before you fall asleep might not be the only way to have an imaginary pleasure-filled night. Falling asleep facedown on your stomach with your arms stretched above your head can increase the chances of having a sex dream. Sleep tight McMaster… or sleep loose…
The miracle drug
One type of OCD medication can cause orgasms when people yawn. That’s a mouthful!
Motown marriage vows
According to a report from the National Marriage Project, one third of married couples sprouted from casual hookups. Sounds more like a 10-year night stand.
International Man of Mystery
During the first World War, members of the British Secret Intelligence Service found that semen could be used as invisible ink. Very groovy, baby.
Driving Miss Daisy
Besides the bedroom, the most popular place to have sex is the car. Get excited the next time you get in your partner’s car. Vroom vroom…
Talk dirty to me
Women are more easily able to manipulate their voice to sound more attractive, but men can’t. When a girl lowers her voice and tries to sound sexy, it is a signal that she is interested in a potential mate, a clue that men pick up on.
Going the distance
Your partner is in China and you’re in Hamilton, what do you do? Luckily, there’s now a sex toy company that allows your partner and you to operate your vibrators at the same time from across the world using a mobile app. Thank god for modern day technology.
The Great Sex-ession
During the recession, the sex toy industry was booming due to the fact that young people were dealing with a lot of stress. When in doubt, vibrate it out!
Free Willy
The male bottlenose dolphin has a couple masturbation tricks up its… flipper. For pleasure, it wraps a live wriggling eel around its penis. That’s one way to save money.
My 7 billion siblings and I
The amount of sperm in one man is enough to impregnate every fertile woman on the planet. One hell of a baby daddy.
Ride my bicycle
Calling all male cyclists! The pressure of your bicycle seat on your groin can permanently damage the vital nerves leading to your penis, resulting in erectile dysfunction. Save your boner, buy a longboard?
Pumpkin spice up your life
Not just for teenyboppers in the fall, but the smell of pumpkin has been shown to significantly increase blood flow to the penis. Would you like whipped cream with that?
[thesil_related_posts_sc]Related Posts[/thesil_related_posts_sc]
[adrotate banner="16"]
[feather_share show="twitter, google_plus, facebook, reddit, tumblr" hide="pinterest, linkedin, mail"]
By: Barbara Anang
Some girls dream of financial independence, others dream of academic pursuits. And some girls, like me, dream of falling into the arms of a wealthy gentleman and having their every whim come true. This dream of a wealthy gentleman can be a reality for many college students, male or female, but venturing into the world of sugaring (sugar babies and sugar daddies) raises questions of morality. Are you an escort? A companion? Have you sold your soul for a little or a lot of financial relief? What constitutes a sugar baby and sugar daddy relationship, and what do you do when sugar turns to salt? The sugar culture is one that has reached Hamilton, but with a tangier taste than most of its participants desire.
Map of the candy factory
A sugar daddy refers to a wealthy men who can afford to pay the price for an attractive companion or “arm candy.” These “daddies” treat their ladies to the finest that life can offer. They make promises to spoil them in exchange for just a few days of their time each month. Other daddies promise trips with all expenses paid, claiming all that they want is someone to spend time with them while they’re away from home. These are sugar-babies who do not sleep with their sugar daddies. Daddies in these situations say that intimacy isn’t expected, but of course is desired — that’s how a mutually beneficial relationship works, right? Having a sugar relationship isn’t for everyone, but if you know what you’re looking for and can come to an agreement, the relationship can be one that is actually positive for both parties.
When you look at websites geared to sugar babies, daddies and mamas, many local profiles state they do not want a stripper or a professional (to put it bluntly, no prostitution or solicitation is allowed). But the reality in the Steel City is that many of these men are actually salt daddies. They present themselves on websites as having wealth, they claim they are willing to negotiate an allowance and help with bills and expenses, but what they’re really looking for is an affair or paid sex with the “girl next door.”
Now that’s not to say that there aren’t sugar babies who are still able to reap the rewards of having a benefactor. With many salt daddies slipping through the cracks, it takes a keen eye to find the right situation that works for you.
Dear Old Salt Daddy
My personal experience as a wannabe sugar baby, was unfortunately more sour than sweet. Not only was it not financially rewarding, it caused me to question my worth in the eyes of men, the poor and rich alike. I don’t have the “western standard of beauty” and that wasn’t a problem when it came to attracting a “potential.” The issue for me was the fetishization of my identity. I shared my thoughts with an acquaintance and they said, “What did you expect?” The reality is men objectify you, and that’s why you’re there. I suppose I just expected that rich men would want to take me out to charity events, the theatre and classy places I can’t normally afford. I forgot that I have the aesthetic that raises eyebrows when I walk into a room with a middle-aged wealthy man. Since the men in the Steel City are actually salt daddies, they’re looking for someone who won’t draw too much attention and cause whispers and raised eyebrows. Salt daddies aren’t really looking to spoil you; they want to pay you a stipend for your use. They might want to dominate you or they might want to be dominated. Either way, the slick ones will make you forget that you hold the power. You’re the one who can choose to back out.
Getting into the sugar game
After experiencing the pitfalls of getting into a situation that was candy-coated, I have some pointers on how to make sure you’re getting the relationship you want. A great option for wannabe sugars babies is to freestyle. What this means is you rely on “chance” to meet a potential by frequenting places where wealthy men go. Upscale bars, charity galas and sporting events are great examples of where you may find your potential. How do you make a connection like that? Older gentlemen don’t often expect the attention of younger women so once they find out they’ve caught your eye, if they’re interested, they’ll approach you and buy you a drink. Sometimes you’ll have to make the first move. If this is the case, the most effective thing to do is to hand him your business card with a legitimate or made-up occupation and he’ll call if interested. After that, it’s up to you to set the terms of your arrangement.
If being a sugar baby is considered working in the sex industry (and to some there’s no doubt that it is), some could argue that it is empowering — women dictating their own terms and benefiting from their charms. There are women who might argue that there’s nothing wrong with dating someone wealthy, and likely older, because it is much more fulfilling than dating someone their own age and ending up with a broken heart. Another group of women might say that it’s degrading and women are selling their bodies to the highest bidder. It’s simply a matter of perspective.
Overall I didn’t have a terrible experience. I went to dinner, had drinks and wonderful conversations until I realized that these men couldn’t afford my company and having sex with them was definitely out of the question (a wise friend once told me, “pussy sells for thousands”). I would definitely try it again, but probably somewhere in Europe or the USA where the sugar culture is much larger and an industry in and of itself. Being paid enough to forgo student loans and a part-time job still sounds wonderful, but maybe it’s time for me to try my hand at being a financial dominatrix instead.
[thesil_related_posts_sc]Related Posts[/thesil_related_posts_sc]
