The Silhouette: Please introduce yourselves.
Hilary Menezes: My name is Hilary Menezes. I'm a third-year student at McMaster and I'm currently pursuing an English and cultural studies degree with a minor in political science and a certificate in leadership.
Madison Menezes: I'm Madison and I'm in my second year of mechanical and biomedical engineering.
Please elaborate on the Love Packs project.
HM: Love Packs was started in the pandemic around Valentine's Day last year . . . We realized that there are a lot of people who are super generous and donate around Christmas time and holiday season. But, moving into the new year, we realized that there weren't really many supports for those facing homelessness or abuse [and] in shelters . . . So, when my work hosted a goal funder, we came up with Love Packs. When we were stuck at home during the pandemic, we wanted to pick up something actionable. That was the main driving force. Just hearing about the reactions of all of the women and children and homeless folks that we provided for inspired us to continue it to be more than a one-time initiative. We ended up getting to do another one in the summer and now we're taking it into 2022.
MM: Just thinking about the degree of how much more difficult the pandemic is for someone living in a shelter was also part of my reason for wanting to really help. We just wanted to make sure that we could provide them with things that they could use day to day and then also other gifts that would make them happier.
HM: To add on, something kind of unique about Love Packs is we tried to go beyond things like toilet paper, deodorant, toothbrushes and toothpaste. We provide that but we also try to include little gifts. We wanted to give people things that they might consider to be luxuries and might not have access to. These are actual people who deserve to be celebrated. So, we had the opportunity last year to give some fun gifts like makeup, snack packs and different kinds of fancy coffees and teas. We had Starbucks donate some fancy coffee. We really try to incorporate that into our philosophy of not only just giving the essentials but trying to go a little bit above and beyond that.
Could you guys talk a little bit more about the Love Packs team?
HM: Last year we did it with just the two of us in our basement. Especially with COVID, it was one of the things where we thought that we can't get more hands because at that point, vaccines weren't so much a thing and cases were through the roof. Still, it was great to see so many people text me. We even had some friends from middle school who we hadn't talked to in five years offer donations. It was cool to see people helping in that capacity. Even then, two or three of my close friends and our parents helped us transport different things when we had super large donations or for the final trip when we brought everything to the shelters. Our communities helped out a lot and we were so grateful. That inspired us to make it bigger this year and grow the team. We’re gaining some traction and are actively recruiting volunteers right now. In fact, we just hired our [executive] team because we want to grow this to reach out to more people this year and give Love Packs to more people.
How have you guys been feeling about just the General McMaster community then? And I guess the communities that you've been interacting with as a whole
MM: I started at McMaster without really having been on campus. But I found it fascinating even with online learning. It's just a really welcoming environment and I definitely found a lot of people who are happy to connect. We've even had one of the local doughnut shops, Donut Monster, donate to our project. It was just really nice to see people in Hamilton contributing as well.
HM: It's been amazing to see how many people from McMaster have either donated to us or businesses have supported us. Actually, the guy who drove the doughnuts from Donut Monster to our home in Mississauga, I met him through mock trial at McMaster. So, I had only known him for maybe not even a year through meetings once a week. But he still said that he'd do it. It was great to see how people are so willing to help out.
C/O Jessica Yang
Holding space for the stories closest to our hearts
One of the first articles I wrote for the Silhouette was for the 2020 Sex and the Steel City issue. As I struggled to come up with an idea, I remember feeling daunted and underqualified to tackle the topics at the heart of the issue. I agonized over that article, rewriting it half a dozen times before I got a draft I was even remotely happy with. But after, I also appreciated the space writing that article offered me to think about the questions of love, intimacy and relationships—and then the space the issue offered to read the stories and thoughts of others as well.
Just like that early article, I’ve agonized over this issue, too. When I started planning it, I felt just as daunted and underqualified as I did before. Sex and the Steel City is a unique special issue, close to the hearts of so many people and I wanted to do justice to that, but I didn’t know what I had to bring to the issue.
And I kept thinking about the space that first article gave me, the spaces I’ve strived to offer interviewees as a reporter and my writers as an editor, and I thought about the unique, wonderful safety inherent in community — in a space where you are free to not only be yourself but also able to even just figure out who you are to begin with, without having to worry about protecting yourself or the expectations of others and knowing you have people in your corner who see you and will support you.
This same sense of safety, of community, is a key part of Sex and the Steel City. It’s what allows this issue to offer the space it does to not only its contributors to share the stories closest to their hearts, but also to its readers to feel seen and heard, to know they are not alone. In this year’s issue, we’ve tried to honour the importance of community, highlight the ones that have built us up as well as those we’ve built through love, intimacy and relationships.
Sex and the Steel City is a community project, a true labour of love. Thank you to everyone who contributed to this issue, who shared their stories and their artwork; it has been a privilege to hear your stories over these past few weeks. Thank you to everyone on staff who wrote for and created and organized this issue. This will be the largest issue of the Silhouette to date and it wouldn’t have been possible without you.
For everyone who reads this issue, though, I hope you feel some of that same sense of community, too. I hope you can see yourself somewhere in these pages, even if it’s just in one image or one story, and know you are not alone.
But if you don’t, because I also know there are stories missing from the pages of this issue, stories still to be told, I hope you know there is still space for you here, just as you are. I like to think that’s why we do this issue every year, so everyone has a chance to tell their story.
C/O Mike Highfield
Nim Agalawatte introduces Sounds Gay!, a new queer-dedicated musical space
It is no secret the city of Hamilton lacks dedicated queer spaces. The 2018 assessment of Hamilton’s 2SLGBTQIA+ community, Mapping the Void, found many did not feel a strong sense of queer belongingness in the city and wanted to see more initiatives.
In the early 2000s and mid-2010s, the Hamilton core was home to several gay bars: The Embassy, The Werx, Rainbow Lounge, M Bar, The Windsor and The Steel Lounge. However, all of them have since closed their doors.
To help fill the void, new queer-focused spaces have been slowly appearing in the past few years, including Queer Outta Hamilton, House of Adam and Steve and Fruit Salad.
One of the latest queer-friendly spaces in the city is Sounds Gay!, a live music performance event hosted by Nim Agalawatte, which had its first event in November 2021 and second in December 2021.
Sounds Gay! aims to fill a gap in the current queer space landscape. There is no denying gay bars and nightclubs play an integral role in the 2SLGBTQIA+ community. Historically, these places served as safe havens for queer individuals. However, it is also important to recognize the need for more low-pressure inclusive spaces.
“The main reason I started [Sounds Gay!] was I was noticing a lot of queer events were focused on dancing or drag shows and it wasn’t very much like music performance stuff,”
Nim Agalawatte
Agalawatte is a Hamilton-based musician, bassist and synth player for the Basement Revolver, 2SLGBTQIA+ advocate and member of the Hamilton Music Advisory Team. They became more aware of the gap after performing as part of Hamilton Pride last year and being one of two non-drag performances.
The positive response to both events of Sounds Gay! reaffirmed the need for diverse queer spaces. Attendees appreciated the friendliness and how welcoming the space was. Tickets were made more accessible as well by using a sliding scale ticket system. Upcoming Sounds Gay! dates have not been planned yet due to the rise in COVID-19 cases, however, Agalawatte is looking forward to continuing them this year.
For Agalawatte, not only was their opportunity to perform affected by the pandemic, but they also lost an important part of their support system.
“A lot of months, I’ve been out of work which kind of does two things: one, not having my regular schedule and things I’m often working on and two, not being able to be around people who often gives you drive and support. I’ve definitely felt down periods and found it hard to motivate myself to work on music,” said Agalawatte.
However, they noted interesting opportunities and new forms of community also arose out of the lockdowns and the pandemic. Agalawatte was able to work on new music remotely with Shanika Maria, queer Black singer-songwriter, for her new recording project Shn Shn. Digital spaces have also become a new place of community gathering.
“I find there has been a light within the pandemic where people, because they’ve been extra lonely or maybe feel more isolated, have found newer forms of community. There [are] a lot of people reaching out on social media or finding each other through the internet and musicians from different parts of the country are also quite connected,” said Agalawatte.
While continuing to create more safe queer events in Hamilton through Sounds Gay!, Agalawatte hopes to support new musicians in Hamilton and open opportunities for those who have not had access to a comfortable and safe stage. Currently, they are promoting their band’s latest album, Embody, and continuing to work on their solo music as well.
C/O Amazon, Andrew Mrozowski/Editor-in-Chief
True love is at the heart of each and every one
There is something that only true love can bring out in someone. That sparkle in the eye and a hope that one day, we will meet the one. The one that will sweep us off our feet and bring us our happily ever after.
It may sound cliché but reading these stories reminds me of everything love means to me. It reminds me of that first love feeling, the one you can’t stop thinking about. It reminds me of the perfect love and endings one finds in fairy tales, stories where the world seems to fall into place. It reminds me of the imperfections that make love real. And it reminds me that no matter what, love is always worth fighting for.
These stories I’m sharing with you are some of my favourite stories of love. I’ve read these books so many times and each time I do they are even more beautiful than the last time I read them. I hope you’ll find a story below that will pique your interest and remind you of everything love can be.
What If It’s Us by Becky Albertalli & Adam Silvera
Set in the heart of the city that never sleeps, this book tells the story of Arthur, a believer in fate, the universe and love at first sight and Ben, a universe skeptic with only heartache and a box of his ex-boyfriend's things. They cross paths at a post office, of all places. When a missing connections poster turns into a not-so-perfect first date with two do-overs, things don’t go as planned for the two. But somehow, they make it through. And in the end, no one really knows what the universe has in store. Maybe nothing, but maybe everything. Outing the most closeted romantics, this story will have you falling in love for what feels like the first time all over again.
“I guess that’s any relationship. You start with nothing and maybe end with everything.”
― Becky Albertalli and Adam Silvera, What If It's Us
Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz
Ari lives with a family that shows little affection and spends most of his time in his self-created world of doubt. Dante lives with two loving parents and is talented at almost everything he does. Two seemingly opposite individuals who somehow manage to transform one another’s life. Sometimes it takes someone special to uncover those parts of you that you never even knew were there. Sometimes it takes someone special to show you the world in an entirely new way. And sometimes you just need someone special to make everything feel right. In this beautifully and intricately woven story, you will find yourself at a loss for words as you rediscover yourself all over again.
“I wondered what that was like, to hold someone’s hand. I bet you could sometimes find all of the mysteries of the universe in someone’s hand.”
― Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe
Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli
16-year-old closeted Simon Spiers can’t believe his rotten luck when his secret emails with Blue, the only person Simon feels he can confide in, fall into the hands of the class clown, Martin. Now on the wrong end of blackmail, Simon’s whole world and identity are turned upside down. Being forced to choose between keeping his own sexual identity and his happiness with Blue a secret or betraying his closest friends, Simon will have to figure out who he is and what he stands for before the rest of the world chooses for him. Known to many as the award-winning film Love, Simon, you will be roped into this emotional roller coaster of a novel, being left in awe of everything true love can accomplish.
“He talked about the ocean between people. And how the whole point of everything is to find a shore worth swimming to.”
― Becky Albertalli, Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda
Red, White and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston
From the moment Alex, son of the first female president of the United States, met Prince Henry, heir to the throne of England, their relationship has been far from diplomatic, to say the least. After all, overly perfect princes can be such snobs. But when one argument gets out of hand, the very relationship of their two nations is put at stake and Alex and Prince Henry are forced to damage control. After all, how hard could forcing a few friendly smiles be? But sometimes there is a charming side to people the camera doesn’t always show and maybe Alex was too quick to judge someone he might have more in common with than he first thought. In reading this story that will have you grinning and laughing, there’s no doubt you’ll be left dreaming about your own happily ever after.
“That's the choice. I love him, with all that, because of all that. On purpose. I love him on purpose.”
― Casey McQuiston, Red, White & Royal Blue
C/O Jessica Yang
By accepting our individual connections, we can ensure we’re building our relationships on an honest foundation
Expectations regarding our relationships are extremely prevalent in society — especially during our post-secondary years. It is natural to see young couples posting about each other on social media, attending parties together and willingly sharing their partnership status with others. However, sometimes our personal relationships fail to follow this pattern.
We need to learn to accept our unique and individual connections and not be pressured to fit into “relationship molds.” Doing so will ensure we are bringing our most authentic selves into our relationships and building their foundations on the basis of honesty and integrity.
Anyone with an Instagram or Snapchat account will tell you they often see couples put each other’s initials in their bios, share posts about their happy times and be carefree in sharing such details. These behaviors are so widespread that they feel like the ‘norm’ and what we have to do to for our relationship to be considered ‘normal’ in society. Placing such general expectations on our intimate relationships can do more harm than good.
We are each distinct and unique individuals and that is what we should be bringing into our relationships. If a person was not fond of social media before entering a relationship, but now feels as though they have to in order to meet society’s standards, the truth within such a union is belittled. Changing or sacrificing one’s own values because of one’s perception of society’s expectations is almost always detrimental, especially when another person, especially one close to you, is involved. If we are not being honest with ourselves about who we are and then share that version with others, we only get farther away from our invaluable individuality.
So, while it can be fun and completely acceptable to follow through with trends, one shouldn’t be judged if they choose not to do so. Especially while dating as young students: it’s okay to want to have a ‘date night in’ rather than going out to a student house party. It’s also okay to not want to share who you’re with and keep that private aspect of your life to yourself.
At the end of the day, your relationships are all your own and you are not obligated to share that with anybody but yourself.
Keeping true to these values can also help to maintain the authenticity of a relationship by not compromising its honesty and integrity — honesty and integrity that is essential to the relationship’s foundation. Instead of sharing the version of yourself that society expects of you, you are sharing the real you. It can be hard to understand what we really value when we’re surrounded by a multitude of tools that distort perception, especially in the media: filters, photoshop and being selective of what one posts paints an inaccurate portrait of reality. However, finding our true self — or even aspects of it — is invaluable and we should protect it from inconsistent external expectations as much as possible. This way, we stay honest to ourselves alongside maintaining sincere connections in our life.
In sum, trying to fit into a mold our aesthetic-driven society has created is only detrimental to ourselves and our most personal, intimate relationships. We should celebrate who we are as individuals and refrain from changing ourselves simply because we live in new or different circumstances. Be who you want to be, date how you want, share how you want (or if you want) and cherish your own relationships in a way that aligns with what you and your partner individually desire.
Ainsley Thurgood/Photo Assistant
Have you ever thought of treating yourself the way you treat others?
As individuals, even at a young age, we’re taught to have compassion for others. Every quote, motto and story that we learned revolved around the idea of showing kindness, respect and appreciation for our family, friends and superiors.
It may suffice to say that such emphasis was laid on these foundations because it was assumed that we knew how to extend these values to ourselves.
Even the infamous “golden rule” of treating others the way you’d like to be treated taught us to use ourselves as a benchmark for our behaviour to others. They never mentioned how exactly we establish this benchmark, let alone the fact that the rule implies that it can only be accomplished through the means of others.
It’s not a bad rule. In fact, the rule itself is beautiful. But it is only effective if you’re aware of your self-worth.
As we grew older, most of us became experts at the art of showing others compassion. When a friend feels upset about failing a test, we’re there to tell them how smart they are and when they’re feeling insecure about their outfit, we tell them how good they look.
I’m sure it’s obvious where I’m going with this, in that when similar situations arise for ourselves, how we respond is very different. Suddenly, we’re not smart enough to be sitting in a lecture hall and we wonder why the ogres haven't requested to have their faces back.
You’re free to call others talented, smart and beautiful, but if you dare say those things about yourself, it’s suddenly egotistical and morally repugnant.
There’s a kind of hypocrisy where social media expects you to constantly critique yourself and deflect compliments while simultaneously telling you that you’re “worthy and special in your own way.”
Why is it so hard to think positively and focus on the good things about ourselves?
For example, if we get 70 per cent on a midterm, we’re naturally more inclined to dwell on the 30 per cent of questions we got wrong rather than acknowledging the 70 percent we got correct.
Scientists tell us it’s due to a phenomenon known as the negativity bias, which implies an intrinsic asymmetry between using positive and negative information to navigate our lives. This can easily extend to our perceptions of ourselves, opting to hang on to the negative aspects instead of appreciating the positive.
Originally, this came from an ancestral survival instinct. In terms of survival, it was far more useful for our ancestors to take heed of negative stimuli rather than focusing on positive ones. It’s important to remind ourselves that what we’re doing here on Earth is no longer just surviving but that we have the luxury and right to live.
With that said, it ultimately comes down to the fact that we don’t trust ourselves. Even if there’s a moment where you believe yourself to be worthy, societal suggestions or even childhood experiences swiftly replace the feeling with doubt.
What’s more, society has thoroughly convinced us that we must look for external outlets to fulfil this void of love.
Whether this includes finding someone else to build you up, competing with others or becoming a perfectionist, these tactics will often fail since they are rooted in self-doubt.
Instead, we need to re-teach ourselves to look for fulfillment within. It’s not remotely realistic to attempt to block out all the negativity, but I can practically see the eye-roll if I tell you to embrace it.
Finding a middle ground where you simply
acknowledge your mistakes and alleged shortcomings is a start. It’s difficult to accept the good, bad and ugly parts of yourself, but unless we make an effort to do so, it will prove equally challenging to do the same for others.
If we daringly flip the saying and start to treat ourselves the way we treat others then perhaps we can finally learn to love ourselves the way we were always meant to.
