The intersections between love, sex, health and the facets of our identities
Intersectionality is an inevitable result of the fact that people’s identities are multidimensional. A term coined by law professor and advocate Kimberlé Crenshaw, intersectionality reflects how different aspects of who we are — from race to gender, sexual orientation to religion and disability to socioeconomic status — influence our lived experiences. In recognition of this fact and to honour these stories, we have asked our communities to share how identities intersect and shape our unique encounters with love, sex and health in this year’s Sex and the Steel City.
Growing up in a rather conservative South Korean household, I rarely engaged in conversations around love, sex and health, particularly mental health, with my family. I recall talking my mom about what I learned during health class in elementary school. The look of alarm and shock on her face when I said the word, masturbation, in front of her for the first time forbid me from saying it again so openly. In another instance when I was visiting family in South Korea, my dad shot me a sharp, disapproving frown at my spaghetti strap tank top. I remember a wave shame took over as he told me to go change into something more appropriate for a young girl.
Developing a healthy relationship and mindset around love, sex and health took a long time, especially as I learned to accept our differences and overcome my family’s cultural views and biases around these conversations. It probably wasn’t until my senior years of high school when I began to speak more vulnerably about my experiences with these topics. It was all due to the friends, teachers and communities that taught me not be afraid to speak up and made me feel validated.
This is why spaces like Sex and the Steel City where people can freely and openly share stories and deliberate on these so-called taboo topics are important. This year’s theme, intersectionality, was inspired in part by my upbringing and experiences but also in recognition of the fact many others also understand how different systems of oppression and aspects of identity affect how we view relationships, sexuality and well-being.
This issue is home to intimate, perhaps what many may consider controversial, special stories. I want to thank everyone, including the Silhouette staff, who contributed their perspective, artwork and narratives to create this wonderful issue. I’m honoured and grateful for the folks who entrusted me and gave me permission to share their thoughts and experiences with the rest of the McMaster community.
To you, dear reader, I hope this issue can serve as a space to explore, (un)learn and reimagine what love, sex and health can look and feel like. There aren’t enough pages in this issue to capture all the different stories of intersectionality and love and I acknowledge there are missing voices in this issue. However, I hope you find and resonate with at least one memorable artwork, image, article, sentence or word while reading this issue — I hope we made an impact on you. Additionally, if you see a gap in the missing pages that you can fill;, it’s also not too late to contribute to us.
How outright and subliminal misogyny in mainstream “self-help” media is taking the fun out of casual dating
By Cassie Wong-Wylie, Contributor
Navigating sexual shame as a girl, teen and, now, a young woman is something that is a very much shared and lived experience for the gross majority of women. Personally, I remember feeling a lot of shame about my sexuality from other women. It was easy to feel less judgment from men who were drawn to sexual prowess.
Fast forward to today, when I now feel relatively secure in my embodied sexuality and work hard to omit shame from my sex life, I find fellowship and power when talking about sexuality with other women. This shift, however, has also come with newfound obstacles. I began to encounter men who view sex as a physical actualization of sexist societal values and their sexual pursuits sought to secure their place as the apex, “alpha”, sex.
I cannot tell if it was my aging that revealed these sorts of men or the landscape around me that caused them to emerge. A landscape that is directly regressive to gender equality and emphatically contributes to homophobia, transphobia, female subjugation and by extension, sexual subjugation. This is namely, the chokehold that right-winged, misogynistic, “personal-growth gurus” like Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson seem to have on boys and young men via social media platforms.
Dating, sex, relationships and general social interactions have changed since the fanaticism, or even just subliminal influence, of the macho-hustle mentality and with it, a new wave of outright misogyny. I can say confidently I have met the men I once thought only existed as hyperbolized wisecracks and parodies of pathetically insecure men my friends and I would joke about. After having met these caricatures, I believe the sensationalized Tate brothers, Jordan Peterson and other men who nonchalantly front self-help through avenues of female subjugation have ruined dating.
Dating, sex, relationships and general social interactions have changed since the fanaticism, or even just subliminal influence, of the macho-hustle mentality and with it, a new wave of outright misogyny.
This isn’t to say all men have been corrupted by this influence. However, with how influential this mentality has become, I see myself on a night out or a first date dreading that a guy might secretly revere a “boom in her face, grab her neck, shut her up” pseudo-mantra, just to quote one instance where Tate quite literally encourages sexual violence.
It's crazy to be talking to a man and suddenly, with just the slightest reference or name drop to the Tates, you realize he probably thinks you shouldn’t even be speaking when not spoken to. Additionally, having to psychoanalyze everything in a conversation and constantly trying to read between the lines has impeded playful banter. I also admit to the very embarrassing example of when a man says, “I love Jordan Peterson” and I agree, thinking we are being flirtatiously sarcastic, only to realize he is being totally serious when he asks me what the word ‘misogyny’ means.
Even beyond the sphere of conversation in dating, sex and sexual shame has also been impacted by masculinist gurus. The age-old conversation of how the porn industry normalizes and fetishizes aspects of sexual violence and female subjugation for the male gaze has now been superseded by Tate’s direct normalization and advocation for female sexual degradation and abuse.
The age-old conversation of how the porn industry normalizes and fetishizes aspects of sexual violence and female subjugation for the male gaze has now been superseded by Tate’s direct normalization and advocation for female sexual degradation and abuse.
Even men who do not ascribe to these channels and condemn the figureheads are not immune to the subliminal domination sex “commands”. Though it may not swing to the extremes, just ask the people in your life their thoughts about choking or a hand on her throat during foreplay and I bet you would be shocked by the number of people who say it’s so normal that it’s almost obligatory. Now, while that might not be directly oppressive, it still contributes to a culture focusing on male domination in the bedroom.
Although male domination during sex may simply be just a social symptom of millennia of patriarchy, celebrities who are deified based on upholding repressive values will have further impacts. Who's to say what the next version of the playful choke is? With pop culture becoming radicalized, I wouldn’t doubt overt, sexual and non-consensual male domination to follow suit, particularly as the young generations of TikTok kids become sexually active.
This isn’t to say that dating, men or sex need to be sworn off. Although the dating field has changed and new litmus tests for partners are required, I try not to allow advances from men who gain security in their lives by denigrating women’s autonomy as the oppressive force it aims to be. Instead, I hope to find renewed communion with women and establish strongholds of support as we are forced to fortify our status as equally alpha. Ultimately, I hope we all find refuge from sexual shame in each other, and not in a hollow, Tate-esc cult of personality.
Life isn’t black and white, so our relationship status shouldn't be either
By Ardena Bašić, SATSC Contributor
We often define our relationship status in terms of a binary: we are either with another person or not. In other words, we can only ever be "taken" or "single".
Like most things in our lives, it cannot be that simple. An intuitive and modern example would be "situationships," where there is no clear line between being single or taken. Yet, I argue that we need to expand beyond this simplified approach. Instead of determining our status based on our ties to others, we should look at it as a focus on our internal or external environment.
In any relationship, there needs to be time to learn about the other person, their different signals and gestures, those little nuances that help you really understand a person. Consequently, when in a relationship, our minds become so focused on analyzing our external environment that we forget to look at our internal relationship with ourselves. As such, many psychologists argue that — while we are busy dating others — we often forget to date ourselves.
Consequently, when in a relationship, our minds become so focused on analyzing our external environment that we forget to look at our internal relationship with ourselves.
As a result, many individuals perceive being single as a time to work on themselves as our focus shifts to something different from the labels of “taken” or “single”. This is a time to look at things like further education, going to the gym more and pursuing hobbies with or without others around. When there isn’t a major distraction — in this case a major relationship to work on — there is more time for these pursuits and the associated self-discovery.
In days of agile relationships based on instant gratification, not defining oneself as single or taken stands out as an outlier — especially in the younger generation when it is the "norm" to define oneself with these labels. However, this new perspective of clear markers puts a more positive spin on working on your relationship with yourself in lieu of seeing oneself as lesser or incomplete without a significant other. After all, if relationships are to add to our overall spirit and not just fill a missing piece, we need to know ourselves enough to find the best energy to complement our own.
After all, if relationships are to add to our overall spirit and not just fill a missing piece, we need to know ourselves enough to find the best energy to complement our own.
So, in conversation, one can say their focus leans more towards external or internal relationships to replace the terms “taken” or “single”. This idea takes away the daunting label that is associated with being alone and instead posits it in a way that focuses on growth and development: the epitome of supporting oneself.
It should be noted that this is not another binary, but instead a continuum with no real "zero" value. Even in strong relationships, we must care for ourselves and equally, when considering our own self-reflection, we must consider our most important relationships. Similarly, we also have to consider our most important relationships when considering our own self-reflection. Life isn’t black and white, so our relationship status should not be either.
Life isn’t black and white, so our relationship status should not be either.
Overall, we should refuse to position ourselves in binaries simply for the sake of societal expectations. This idea applies in every area of life, but especially when it is connected to our own self-worth and development. As we move forward and our priorities change, we can name our relationship status a movement along a continuum instead of a jump between left and right.
The narcissism of today’s generation has supreme effects on our abilities to maintain relationships and feel empathy
By: Sama Elhansi, Contributor
Me! Me! Me! Everything is somehow always about us! If the baby boomers were considered the “Me Generation”, then it’s safe to say that Gen Z can be called the “Me, Me, Me, Generation”.
In my opinion, we have completely disregarded our extrinsic values. Instead of physically connecting with the people around us, we’d rather just send them a text or a snap. We are living in an increasingly narcissistic society.
Let me ask you a quick question: are you just a little too obsessed with your own Instagram feed?
As part of the generation that grew up with social media, a reflection on whether we are narcissistic is crucial. The significance of social media in our lives makes me wonder whether there are psychological implications of constantly checking our socials. Does it affect our relationship with others and ourselves?
My roommates and I decided to take a “how narcissistic are you?” test. To be quite honest, the four of us were concerningly leaning towards the narcissistic side. I would be lying if I said the results surprised me.
I find it interesting that one of the main concerns among past generations was inadequate self-esteem whilst now it’s narcissism and self-obsession.
I find it interesting that one of the main concerns among past generations was inadequate self-esteem whilst now it’s narcissism and self-obsession.
SAMA ELHANSI, CONTRIBUTOR
According to a 2010 study, the percentage of college students with narcissistic personality traits has increased since the early 1980s to 30 per cent. This study evaluated narcissism through the Narcissistic Personality Inventory, a widely used diagnostic test.
Surprisingly, research has found that narcissism has been increasing at the same rate as obesity since the 1980s, according to The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement by Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell, two psychologists.
There are examples of narcissism everywhere. The biggest example out there is Donald Trump. According to numerous mental health professionals, Trump is the epitome of apathy and narcissism. They’ve shared that aspects of his personality such as grandiosity and a lack of empathy are textbook features of narcissism.
Our narcissistic personalities are costing us relationships and the way we communicate our feelings. There is an immense amount of research stating that narcissism causes lower honesty and increased aggression.
Our narcissistic personalities are costing us relationships and the way we communicate our feelings. There is an immense amount of research stating that narcissism causes lower honesty and increased aggression.
SAMA ELHANSI, CONTRIBUTOR
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you, you shouldn’t love and appreciate yourself, but focus on endorsing self-esteem, compassion and respect rather than obsessing over the way you look 24/7. We need to foster a less narcissistic generation by instilling a healthy level of self-love.
Admire yourself, accept your most imperfect self and your insecurities to grow as a person. A word of advice, don’t conform to society’s toxic image of perfection as perfection is merely a fraction of our imagination and doesn’t actually exist! Focus on yourself and don’t compare yourself to others . . . you’ll soon realize that everyone is on different paths.
C/O Allauren Forbes
A philosophy course offers a space for exploration of some of our most intimate topics
What is love, really? What makes a meaningful relationship? How can our understanding of love and sex shift with the complexities of societal, political and ethical expectations?
The study of philosophy involves seeking out truths about the world, our relationships with one another and our relationship with ourselves. Allauren Forbes is an assistant professor at McMaster University within the department of philosophy. Forbes teaches a course called Philosophy of Love and Sex, which focuses on exploring truths about topics of love and sex.
The course offers students an opportunity to have discussions about philosophical topics, engage in self-reflection and analyze philosophical literature, some of which may challenge their personal views on intimate relationships.
The course offers students an opportunity to have discussions about philosophical topics, engage in self-reflection and analyze philosophical literature, some of which may challenge their personal views on intimate relationships.
Though unique to every individual, such topics are universal and monumental to how one navigates the world and Forbes believes that the importance of love and sex extends beyond just romantic relationships alone.
“[T]hey're really personal things that shape enormous amounts of the way that we live our lives, the kinds of relationships that we pursue, the kinds of choices we make about careers or where we live [and] a host of other things,” said Forbes.
Although not always obvious, love and sex are often complicated by societal values and expectations.
“[Societal expectations] tell us what kinds of relationships are good or valuable [and] what kinds of structures are good or valuable."
Allauren Forbes, Assistant Professor of Philosophy
“[Societal expectations] tell us what kinds of relationships are good or valuable [and] what kinds of structures are good or valuable,” explained Forbes.
One example of how relationships can challenge societal norms is found in polyamorous relationships. Forbes explained that polyamory is not as widely accepted in Western societies given that monogamy is the default understanding people have about what a relationship is supposed to look like.
However, exploring philosophical questions can help investigate the value behind these assumptions in society.
“[I]n the context of romance, you should have a relationship structure that suits your needs and if you are in a society that says, ‘Well, [here] is a very specific narrative: you should find the one and live happily ever after and have two kids,’ maybe that's not what suits you. [Philosophy] helps us question some of these structures. Maybe monogamy isn't right for somebody. Maybe there are other ways to do things that are still in love and still meaningful and valuable [in] all the ways that traditional relationships are,” said Forbes.
In addition to societal norms, intersectional identities such as race and gender can also play a crucial role to how one experiences love and sex.
Often, Forbes explained, this can present itself in the form of racist expectations of what is appropriate or not for a particular race. False stereotypes about people can be damaging and pose extra barriers preventing people from building meaningful lives for themselves.
The community that an individual surrounds themselves with, whether it be their family or friends, can have also significant impact on their experience with relationships.
“I mean, it could be so psychologically burdensome to try and live a life that is authentic and affirming to you if the people around you think that you are living or being in the wrong kind of way or the wrong kind of relationship . . . [Community] has the power to lift you up but also has the power to sort of pull you back, mak[ing] it harder to live the life of your choosing but also harder to feel good about living the life you're choosing,” said Forbes.
“I mean, it could be so psychologically burdensome to try and live a life that is authentic and affirming to you if the people around you think that you are living or being in the wrong kind of way or the wrong kind of relationship."
Allauren Forbes, Assistant Professor of Philosophy
After teaching the course for the last two years, Forbes said that she enjoys teaching the course, though it can require an important balance between open discussion amongst the students and staying mindful of the sensitive nature of these topics.
Forbes aims to be respectful of students’ experiences, recognizing that discussions can be personal, while creating an atmosphere in which students feel comfortable engaging in stimulating conversations. As a way of promoting this environment, an anonymous form is available for students to fill out if they have any concerns they want to bring to her attention.
Stressing the importance of how philosophy can transform our understanding of love, Forbes hopes students can apply their learning to their own lives.
“I want students to come away from the class with the sort of formal school skills of philosophy to question some of these things [and] make sure that they understand the kinds of things that they want to do for themselves. I mean, I think philosophy can help us live better lives and I think that part of it is understanding what it is that we're doing,” said Forbes.
In 2020 and 2021, Philosophy of Love and Sex (PHILOS 2ZZ3) has been offered in the fall semester. Although not certain as of date, students can keep an eye out for future offering of this course on the department of philosophy website.
C/O Jessica Yang
By accepting our individual connections, we can ensure we’re building our relationships on an honest foundation
Expectations regarding our relationships are extremely prevalent in society — especially during our post-secondary years. It is natural to see young couples posting about each other on social media, attending parties together and willingly sharing their partnership status with others. However, sometimes our personal relationships fail to follow this pattern.
We need to learn to accept our unique and individual connections and not be pressured to fit into “relationship molds.” Doing so will ensure we are bringing our most authentic selves into our relationships and building their foundations on the basis of honesty and integrity.
Anyone with an Instagram or Snapchat account will tell you they often see couples put each other’s initials in their bios, share posts about their happy times and be carefree in sharing such details. These behaviors are so widespread that they feel like the ‘norm’ and what we have to do to for our relationship to be considered ‘normal’ in society. Placing such general expectations on our intimate relationships can do more harm than good.
We are each distinct and unique individuals and that is what we should be bringing into our relationships. If a person was not fond of social media before entering a relationship, but now feels as though they have to in order to meet society’s standards, the truth within such a union is belittled. Changing or sacrificing one’s own values because of one’s perception of society’s expectations is almost always detrimental, especially when another person, especially one close to you, is involved. If we are not being honest with ourselves about who we are and then share that version with others, we only get farther away from our invaluable individuality.
So, while it can be fun and completely acceptable to follow through with trends, one shouldn’t be judged if they choose not to do so. Especially while dating as young students: it’s okay to want to have a ‘date night in’ rather than going out to a student house party. It’s also okay to not want to share who you’re with and keep that private aspect of your life to yourself.
At the end of the day, your relationships are all your own and you are not obligated to share that with anybody but yourself.
Keeping true to these values can also help to maintain the authenticity of a relationship by not compromising its honesty and integrity — honesty and integrity that is essential to the relationship’s foundation. Instead of sharing the version of yourself that society expects of you, you are sharing the real you. It can be hard to understand what we really value when we’re surrounded by a multitude of tools that distort perception, especially in the media: filters, photoshop and being selective of what one posts paints an inaccurate portrait of reality. However, finding our true self — or even aspects of it — is invaluable and we should protect it from inconsistent external expectations as much as possible. This way, we stay honest to ourselves alongside maintaining sincere connections in our life.
In sum, trying to fit into a mold our aesthetic-driven society has created is only detrimental to ourselves and our most personal, intimate relationships. We should celebrate who we are as individuals and refrain from changing ourselves simply because we live in new or different circumstances. Be who you want to be, date how you want, share how you want (or if you want) and cherish your own relationships in a way that aligns with what you and your partner individually desire.
C/O Caleb Shong
Choosing partners through a sole focus on emotion often leaves young folks confused and hurt
As teenagers and young adults, we often fall in love spontaneously and that’s what makes it so exciting in the beginning. At this age, we often don’t have strict standards and boundaries and simply go after what feels right.
Expectedly, our strong sense of passion and emotions seems to take over our barely developed sense of reason and rationality. We choose to overlook certain red flags in our partner and relationship supposedly in the name of love.
But, what is the aftermath of carelessly choosing a partner at a young age?
As I mentioned, in our younger years, we evidently don't choose relationships on the basis of logic — we choose it purely based on raw fervor. Frankly, most of us didn’t know any better and it made sense to choose someone that made us initially feel loved and cared for.
However, choosing a partner purely based on emotions often heavily costs us.
I believe there are three main reasons why young love often doesn’t last and leaves both parties feeling damaged and broken.
Firstly, most teenagers and even young adults are at a malleable stage in life. We are constantly shifting and discovering new aspects of ourselves. The bitter-sweet truth is that we simply don’t remain the same person.
Unfortunately, this has a direct effect on our relationships.
As we and our partners our constantly evolving, we often drift apart in terms of values. Although this is not necessarily a bad thing and both progressions could be positive for both parties, they can still diverge as incompatibilities arise.
The second reason I believe young love doesn’t work out is our poor communication skills. For the majority of us, we have never been taught proper communications skills.
We lack fundamental skills such as managing our anger, communicating clearly, mindfulness and trust-building. Unfortunately, due to the absence of these principal building blocks, we frequently find ourselves confused, angry and anxious after relationship struggles.
Lastly, we often fail to recognize the importance of actively putting effort in our relationship.
Most times, when we enter a relationship at a young age, we feel as if the relationship should work out effortlessly with no bumps on the road. Evidently, this is false as there is significant importance tied to actively aiming to make your relationship a safe space for both.
For all these reasons, when young love ends, we hurt deeply — perhaps because of the feeling of confusion that is attached to it. Often, we cannot pinpoint what exactly went wrong and all we feel is significant pain. Mixed emotions of anxiety, sadness and anger slowly into resentment towards our partners.
Our feelings puzzle us as there is always so much to unwrap and unpack. And because of these extremely perplexing emotions, young love pains us.
C/O Jessica Yang
Holding space for the stories closest to our hearts
One of the first articles I wrote for the Silhouette was for the 2020 Sex and the Steel City issue. As I struggled to come up with an idea, I remember feeling daunted and underqualified to tackle the topics at the heart of the issue. I agonized over that article, rewriting it half a dozen times before I got a draft I was even remotely happy with. But after, I also appreciated the space writing that article offered me to think about the questions of love, intimacy and relationships—and then the space the issue offered to read the stories and thoughts of others as well.
Just like that early article, I’ve agonized over this issue, too. When I started planning it, I felt just as daunted and underqualified as I did before. Sex and the Steel City is a unique special issue, close to the hearts of so many people and I wanted to do justice to that, but I didn’t know what I had to bring to the issue.
And I kept thinking about the space that first article gave me, the spaces I’ve strived to offer interviewees as a reporter and my writers as an editor, and I thought about the unique, wonderful safety inherent in community — in a space where you are free to not only be yourself but also able to even just figure out who you are to begin with, without having to worry about protecting yourself or the expectations of others and knowing you have people in your corner who see you and will support you.
This same sense of safety, of community, is a key part of Sex and the Steel City. It’s what allows this issue to offer the space it does to not only its contributors to share the stories closest to their hearts, but also to its readers to feel seen and heard, to know they are not alone. In this year’s issue, we’ve tried to honour the importance of community, highlight the ones that have built us up as well as those we’ve built through love, intimacy and relationships.
Sex and the Steel City is a community project, a true labour of love. Thank you to everyone who contributed to this issue, who shared their stories and their artwork; it has been a privilege to hear your stories over these past few weeks. Thank you to everyone on staff who wrote for and created and organized this issue. This will be the largest issue of the Silhouette to date and it wouldn’t have been possible without you.
For everyone who reads this issue, though, I hope you feel some of that same sense of community, too. I hope you can see yourself somewhere in these pages, even if it’s just in one image or one story, and know you are not alone.
But if you don’t, because I also know there are stories missing from the pages of this issue, stories still to be told, I hope you know there is still space for you here, just as you are. I like to think that’s why we do this issue every year, so everyone has a chance to tell their story.
C/O Youssef Naddam, Unsplash
New psychoeducational groups at the Student Wellness Centre starting this month
Psychoeducational groups are designed to focus on teaching a specific topic with an emphasis on developing healthy coping mechanisms.
This month, McMaster University’s Student Wellness Centre is launching multiple psychoeducational groups. This includes the Fostering Self-Compassion and Mindfulness group, the Love Better group and the Understanding & Managing Social Anxiety group.
Psychoeducational groups at McMaster have been done in the past by counselors, health promoters or SWC staff. Simone Gomes, a counselor at SWC and facilitator of the Fostering Self-Compassion and Mindfulness group, explained that these groups are developed by these professionals based on their area of expertise and interest.
Starting Jan. 12, Fostering Self-Compassion and Mindfulness is a consecutive five-week psychoeducational group that dives into what self-compassion and mindfulness mean and how students can develop these things in their lives.
It will take place online on Wednesday mornings from 10:00 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. Gomes explained that each of the five weeks highlights a different area within this topic. This includes introducing self-compassion and mindfulness, identifying self-criticism, practicing mindfulness and techniques to integrate that into one’s life.
Each session will aim to be informative by having students read articles or a particular website for discussion prior to entering the session. Gomes stated that this particular group tends to run once per semester (including spring and summer) and if curious, folks can contact her at gomessf@mcmaster.ca.
“With self-compassion, what’s really great is that it helps to acknowledge our experience and to name it — that we are struggling or we’re experiencing difficulty in our lives. But then it also helps us to think about common humanity too and to look at other people struggling as well [and think] maybe I am not alone in this experience,” said Gomes.
“With self-compassion, what’s really great is that it helps to acknowledge our experience and to name it — that we are struggling or we’re experiencing difficulty in our lives. But then it also helps us to think about common humanity too and to look at other people struggling as well [and think] maybe I am not alone in this experience.”
Simone Gomes, counselor at The SWC and facilitator of Fostering Self-Compassion and Mindfulness
Also starting Jan. 12, Love Better is another consecutive five-week psychoeducational group. This group will run online on Wednesday mornings from 10:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m.
Liz Nabi, a counselor at the SWC and facilitator for this group, explained that this group aims to educate students about healthy relationships and help them build skills that are crucial in developing these relationships.
Over the weeks, the group will touch base on qualities of healthy and unhealthy relationships, the effect of past relationships on current relationships, tools to build long-lasting relationships and how to deal with conflict and/or breakups.
Nabi emphasized that love is not just a feeling but a skill that one can get better at with practice and that sentiment was actually the inspiration behind the group's name.
“I decided to run a relationship group because this is really a phase of life where dating/intimate relationships start to become a main focus for students. Students often describe wanting to have really positive, healthy relationships yet at times struggle to develop the types of relationships they want. We know that the health of our relationships has a big impact on our overall mental health and well-being,” said Nabi.
"We know that the health of our relationships has a big impact on our overall mental health and well-being."
Liz Nabi, counselor at the SWC and facilitator of Love Better
Nabi shared that Love Better may also be running a second time in March. If students are unable to join the group in January, they can keep an eye out for the second recruitment.
Those who are interested or have questions can contact Nabi at nabie@mcmaster.ca.
Starting on Jan. 19, Understanding & Managing Social Anxiety is a four week group that uses a combination of cognitive behavioural therapy and narrative skills therapy to explore social anxiety and strategies to cope.
This program will run Wednesday afternoons from 3:30 p.m. to 5:30 p.m. Within the four weeks, four different topics will be covered. This includes defining social anxiety, models of social anxiety, self-reflection about one's own boundaries and understanding the implications shame has on one’s self. These concepts will be tied together at the end with an activity called Life Map where students will highlight significant people or events that shape their social anxiety.
If interested, students can contact Morgan Lucas, a facilitator for this group, at lucasm10@mcmaster.ca.
The variety of psychoeducational groups provided by the SWC gives students the opportunity to target specific topics they would like to work on. Aside from the groups mentioned in this article, other groups such as Embracing Gender Diversity and Mindfulness approach to Food and Eating are also available starting in January. For a full list of programs offered by the SWC, students can visit https://wellness.mcmaster.ca/programs/.
C/O Matthew Ball, Unsplash
How our thirties will be the new twenties
By: Ana Mamula, Contributor
I remember being a kid and daydreaming of what it would be like being able to drive, have my own place, have kids and attend university. From such a young age, I was envious of those older women who seemed so much more independent than I was.
I remember saying to myself, “In my early twenties, I will definitely be married and by my mid-twenties, I’ll definitely have kids. Three exactly.”
Looking back, I laugh to myself. I’m currently a twenty-year old full-time university student and I am no way in hell getting married or having kids soon. Life moved so much faster than I expected, leaving me envious of that little girl who had no troubles in the world. While she longed for her twenties, she never had to deal with the stress of work, school, relationships, paying taxes and so much more. It’s as if we progressed from being driven to school in the backseat of our parents’ cars to driving our own in the blink of an eye.
Despite life moving so fast, leaving us with less than seconds to breathe, it carries many substantial events that form who we are. However, I believe one decade in particular holds the most importance for us. Our twenties.
Our twenties truly capture everything about who we are and who we are going to be. It is during our twenties that the most life-changing events in our lives occur. The start of this decade is a transformational moment, what with coming out of one’s teen years in the beginning and ending as a fully grown adult. Our twenties are when we make those friends we carry with us for the rest of our lives. They’re when we could meet our significant other, when we could receive that job we have always wanted and when we buy our first home.
Our twenties truly capture everything about who we are and who we are going to be.
Due to all of these life-changing events that society tells us we have to go through in our twenties, the pressure is beyond difficult to carry. Individuals often consider graduating from university and achieving financial stability as adult life’s most important milestones, according to a report from The Atlantic. Carrying the weight of both these monumental events only furthers the narrative of what everyone should be accomplishing in their twenties.
So how do you get through your twenties? How can you be successful at getting through these important years?
So how do you get through your twenties? How can you be successful at getting through these important years?
As cheesy as it is, my advice is to stop trying to meet society's deadlines of where you should be and how you should act in your twenties. Our twenties are the years we look back on as we age to realize how much we grow in life. And you do not have to get married or have kids to do that.
In fact, an article by The New York Times makes the comparison that your twenties are similar to stem cells, with a million possibilities and outcomes of what your life could be.
We are capable of doing whatever we please. As long as the path we are choosing to take is the one we want to take, not the one our parents or friends want us to take, not the one society wants us to take; that is when we are truly successful.
