By: Bridgette Walker
There have been and will continue to be various types of service and working dogs in educational environments like McMaster University and out in the world at large. I’m Bridgette and I have a dog guide named Estelle.
Please don’t freak out! Properly trained dogs are more effective, efficient and reliable than technology for a lot of physical and mental health conditions. These dogs truly do save lives.
Estelle plays many important roles in my life including going to McMaster University with me. She does many things including listening for certain sounds — especially my snack alarms — and knows where all the really important places are. Aside from deafness, I have anxiety, autism and chronic migraines. Estelle keeps me in check mentally and emotionally.
When meeting service dogs, there are some ground rules: ask first, establish what’s helpful and what are the limits. There are some things Estelle really shouldn’t do for her own sake, and a few things that would actually cause problems for me. Meeting other service dogs is cool too, as long as they're all well-behaved and ready to get right back to work.
Anyway, I don’t appreciate people randomly trying to pet or play with Estelle while I’m walking between classes. In general, all dog guides need to pay attention to where they’re going, and to their person. We're on the move, but she’s still listening for what sounds are in the area, how I am doing and so forth.
Please respect my space. I don’t like being “crowded in” and neither does Estelle. She may be a dog, but she’s also regarded as a medical device — same as a wheelchair or other medical apparatus.
And yes, you can take a picture of us as part of the scenery going by, but don’t stop us to pose for snaps; if we did this every time, I'd be late for everything.
Enough with distracting the dogs themselves! This can be dangerous for other people with more serious conditions when their service dogs are being distracted and hindered from alerting them to potentially harmful or even fatal issues that can crop up at any time. I’m blessed that this isn’t the case for me, so far.
Then there are people with phobias. I don’t know whatever trauma you have endured in the past but we really don’t mean you any harm! Please, stop screaming and whining. It’s not good for Estelle's ears, not good for my anxiety and certainly not good for your throat or mental health.
Don’t project your personal problem onto us like that. You are an adult in university and entering the working world. If you’re going to be like that every time you see Estelle or another kind of service dog on campus or out in the world, you’re not going to live as good a quality life as you deserve. Everyone should be able to enjoy or at least tolerate seeing these dogs on duty — they’re really good at heart!
The secret is that if she weren’t on duty, she'd like to try being your friend! Estelle also likes visiting babies, kittens and even pet chickens. Anyway, since she can’t try comforting you in her doggy-way, try refocusing your perspective of the dog with: “It’s a special animal. It’s somebody’s lifeline.”
From Estelle and me, see you around campus!
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Dear Mac,
I’m unemployed right now, and I don’t have any income. Most of my friends are employed. Even if they are just making minimum wage, they at least have some sort of money coming in. My parents give me money when I need it (for rent and stuff) but I hate asking them for money because we are struggling financially as a family as well. I try to mention it to my friends when they want to do things that need money. I mainly try to make it light, saying things like “I’m broke” and “Student life”, but they keep on suggesting things to do that cost money, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I love my friends, we’ve been friends all my life, but I can’t afford to hang out with them anymore! -Broke
Dear Broke,
That’s a really tough situation to be in. Financial difficulties can be awkward and tough to talk about, but it is important to address this issue, so that it doesn’t cause problems in your relationship with your friends. Since you’ve known them your whole life, it might be a good idea to try to talk to your friends, and be honest with them. Let them know that you are having a tough time financially. Chances are that they will understand.
You can also try suggesting cheaper alternatives for hanging out. Instead of going out to dinner, you can try having a potluck, or cooking dinner together. Instead of going to the movies, you can try playing board games or sports, or renting a movie. Most people understand what it’s like to be having money troubles at some point, so trying to communicate honestly with your friends could be a great idea. You don’t have to go into details, but it might be helpful for you to be assertive and say that you would prefer not to spend money when you hang out. Maybe they just don’t realize that you are serious about your financial difficulties.
-Mac
Dear Mac,
I used to be really close with my parents, but now I’m having a really hard time connecting with them. I feel like we don’t have anything to talk about, and I feel like even when we’re spending time together, we’re not really “together”. We’re on our phones, or iPads, or not really spending quality time together. I feel like I’m really different from my parents now, I’ve changed a lot from when I was younger, and I know that we disagree on a lot of really core values, opinions, and beliefs. I still really miss being close to them, but it’s hard to have a conversation that won’t end in a fight. I really do love them though, and I want to get back to the way it used to be! -Disconnected
Dear Disconnected,
First of all, it might not go back to exactly how it used to be. You said so yourself that you’ve changed a lot since then, so chances are, your relationship will have changed a lot too. This is not a bad thing. You said your values, opinions and beliefs are different from theirs now, which also might not be a bad thing. Some of the best conversations can be between people with opposing viewpoints. You just need to make sure that you put emotions and frustrations out of the equation so that a debate doesn’t turn into an argument.
You can always start small: Ask your parents how their day went, try asking them detailed questions about their day, and try to really listen. Share details about your life too. Tell your parents what’s new with you, what’s new with your friends, how your day was. Starting small like this can build a great rapport, and help you get back into the rhythm of great communication.
If you feel like you’re beyond small talk, and are looking for some meaningful conversations, you can do that too. A great way to find interesting and relevant topics is by reading the news. Talk about a municipal election – the pros and cons of each candidate, talk about the World Cup, Talk about the economy, talk about international affairs. You can even google interesting conversation topics and use them as guides during your conversations and debates. This way you can have intellectual or relevant conversations and debates, and maybe even learn something.
Something else you can do is to try spending more quality time together. You can even explain to your parents what you are trying to do, and this way you can get the whole family engaged and actively working towards the same goal: reconnecting. You can do this by setting rules, such as “no electronics for an hour”. You can also try out some hobbies or activities together as a family. Don’t be afraid of the art of conversation – try to engage each other in meaningful conversations. You can talk about sports, world issues, your days, anything really. It might sound cheesy, but you can even really connect with each other about reminiscing about old memories, and hopefully building back your family rapport can help you create some new ones!
-Mac
“Dear Mac” is a column written by volunteers from the MSU’s Peer Support Line. To email in a question that you want addressed in a column, you can send it in to: psl@msu.mcmaster.ca with the subject line: Dear Mac. The Peer Support Line does not run in the Summer, and will start again in the Fall.
