This monthly reading series taking place the Staircase Theatre spotlights diverse creative writers of all literary forms and gives them an opportunity to share their work with the community
The LitLive Reading Series is a local monthly reading series for writers to share their work with the community. Founded by Kerry Schooley in 1995, the series showcases a diverse range of Canadian and local writers. The events takes place on the first Sunday of each month and run from September through June at the Staircase Theatre, located on Dundurn St. N. There is also a livestream option available and admission is on a pay-what-you-can basis.
The series has featured writers who specialize in a variety of literary forms, including poets, short story writers, novelists and non-fiction writers. The range of presenters also adds another unique touch to their events. Each series is accompanied by a specific theme, and writers are encouraged to read their work according to how they believe it fits.
The series is currently hosted by committee members Anuja Varghese and Brent van Staalduinen, both of whom are award-winning writers based in Hamilton. Varghese was recently awarded the Governor General's Literary Award for her debut short story collection Chrysalis, and van Staalduinen has authored five books and was awarded the Kerry Schooley Book Award in 2021. The two writers alternate between hosting the reading series.
LitLive has featured a number of published writers, including award winners, but there is also space for emerging writers who are not published to showcase their work.
Students should check out the next LitLive event for excellent and varied literary work, an opportunity to engage with the community and even an opportunity to connect with established writers. For those with a love for anything literary, the LitLive Reading Series is a great way to further engage with your passion.
Following their Oct. 24 Halloween literature event, The City & The City spotlights some classic and contemporary horror novels
The City & The City, a new and used bookstore located on Ottawa St., hosted a Halloween-themed reading and costume party at the Casbah on Oct. 24. According to Janet Hoy, one of the owners of The City & The City, the event featured a costume contest, DJing by the 45 Selector and horror readings from three Ontario-based writers.
The writers featured at the event were Andrew F. Sullivan, Tony Burgess and Liz Worth.
Andrew F. Sullivan is a Hamilton-based author whose most recent novel, The Handyman Method, was published in August 2023 and co-written with fellow Canadian author Craig Davidson (pen name Nick Cutter). The Handyman Method is a domestic horror novel that depicts a young family moving into a new community and receiving mysterious, ominous suggestions for solving household problems.
The Handyman Method is the second novel that Sullivan has published in 2023, following The Marigold, which was released in April of this year. Another novel with a strong horror element, The Marigold depicts a near-future dystopian version of Toronto. Hoy praised the novel for its creepy tone and its ability to depict the decay of a city.
Hoy also said that Tuesday’s event at the Casbah was initially Sullivan’s idea.
“He was saying, let’s do something for Halloween, because [The Handyman Method] came out just about a month ago. So, we’ve worked with Liz Worth in the past, and he knows Tony Burgess, so he compiled the writers because they’ve written horror novels. And that’s how it came together,” explained Hoy.
Tony Burgess, another one of the writers featured on Tuesday, published his first novel, Pontypool Changes Everything, in 1998. Pontypool Changes Everything is an apocalyptic horror novel that puts a subversive twist on zombie fiction. Burgess also wrote the screenplay for the 2008 film Pontypool, which was adapted from his novel and directed by Bruce McDonald. Burgess has since written numerous other horror novels and screenplays.
Liz Worth, the final author featured at Tuesday’s event, is a novelist, poet and Tarot reader. She published her most recent novel The Mouth is a Coven in October 2022, just in time for last Halloween. Liz Worth is a Hamilton-based writer, and her novel features vampires and other gothic elements.
Beyond the novels featured at Tuesday’s event, Hoy offered even more spooky and autumn-appropriate book recommendations, both classic and contemporary.
Regarding classics, Hoy highlighted House of Leaves by Mark Z Danielewski, published in 2000, and We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson, published in 1962. House of Leaves is an intricately crafted and formally subversive horror novel that centres around a terrifying house. We Have Always Lived in the Castle is a gothic mystery focusing on a dark family secret.
“You can never go wrong with Shirley Jackson! We Have Always Lived in the Castle is one of my favourite books ever,” said Hoy.
Regarding contemporary novels, Hoy explained that women writers and Indigenous writers have been exploring the genre of horror in interesting ways. Hoy specifically recommended Waubgeshig Rice’s Moon of the Crusted Snow and Moon of the Turning Leaves, Tananarive Due’s The Reformatory and Mariana Enriquez’s Dangers of Smoking in Bed.
Regarding contemporary novels, Hoy explained that women writers and Indigenous writers have been exploring the genre of horror in interesting ways. Hoy specifically recommended Waubgeshig Rice’s Moon of the Crusted Snow and Moon of the Turning Leaves, Tananarive Due’s The Reformatory and Mariana Enriquez’s Dangers of Smoking in Bed.
For students interested in discovering literary fiction and Ontario-based writers beyond the horror genre, The City & The City regularly hosts readings and other literary events. Coming up on Dec. 7, they plan to host four writers published by Book*hug Press for an in-store reading. For regular updates on literary events hosted by The City & The City, students can follow their Instagram.
The latest issue of online magazine Hamilton Arts and Letters showcased international works to represent the diversity in Canada
Hamilton Arts & Letters is an online magazine that publishes biannually and spotlights emerging writers and artists in addition to already established ones. HA&L showcases a variety of literary works, such as fictional pieces, graphic novel excerpts, exploratory writings, poems and works of literary non-fiction. It also features the works of visual, audio and film artists. HA&L accepts submissions from writers across the country
It was founded in 2008 by Paul Lisson, Fiona Kinsella and Peter Stevens. It is funded by the Ontario Arts Council, the Canada Council for the Arts, the City of Hamilton, members, sponsors, advertisers and open access subscription.
HA&L is also a recommender for the Ontario Arts Council Grants for Writers program and a co-founder of the Short Works Prize for Hamilton area authors. It aims to reflect the values of Hamilton in all its diversity, as well as other places across Canada in all their diversities.
Every issue of HA&L is different and bears the stamp of its editors. Some of themes past issues focused on, include science, Canadian Mennonites, climate action, creation stories and the parallel universe.
In the most recently published issue My Country is the World, issue 16.1, Guest Editor, Kim Echlin, wanted to centre the theme around Canadian international writing.
“[HA&L is] international. It brings in people from around the world. It's creative. It is a publication that is extremely flexible, because it's online. [Since it’s online,] they can use a lot of visual material, and they can do things like international translation,” explained Echlin.
[HA&L is] international. It brings in people from around the world. It's creative. It is a publication that is extremely flexible, because it's online. [Since it’s online,] they can use a lot of visual material, and they can do things like international translation.
Kim Echlin, Guest Editor of HA&L Issue 16.1
Echlin grew up in Burlington and has an academic background in English. She went on to become a novelist after graduating university, and she has written books such as The Disappeared. She has also worked as an arts producer for CBC Television’s The Journal.
Echlin wanted to represent the diversity of HA&L’s writers. Their editorial team would work together to translate works that were not in English.
“I wanted to include many languages, because so many of our writers work in more than one language,” said Echlin.
Echlin wants to expose the readers to more diverse writing based in Canada.
“Our writing community now represents basically every nation on Earth, so it's really important to find venues for people to publish and then for readers to understand that there's just so much material out there from Canada [that] happens to find its origins in other places,” explained Echlin.
Our writing community now represents basically every nation on Earth, so it's really important to find venues for people to publish and then for readers to understand that there's just so much material out there from Canada [that] happens to find its origins in other places.
Kim Echlin, Guest Editor of HA&L Issue 16.1
In the future, HA&L wants to continue to spotlight new and emerging Canadian writers and to explore different themes. Stay tuned for their 15th anniversary event that will be held on Dec. 7, 2023, in collaboration with the Art Gallery of Hamilton!
Downtown Hamilton will be lively with music, visual art, fashion, literature and more as Supercrawl returns for another year
A nonprofit organization founded in 2009, Supercrawl spotlights Hamilton’s vibrant arts and culture community. Taking place every year in September, the event is a weekend of artistic events and performances.
This year’s Supercrawl features three music stages, a theatre-dance stage, a fashion tent, a family zone, a visual art zone and an author tent. Beyond all of this, Supercrawl also hosts numerous local vendors, making it a great occasion for shopping as well.
Those interested in attending Supercrawl can see CFMU’s own Jamie Tennant moderate authors panels and discuss his own writing or they can check out the Ark Collective for local BIPOC-owned fashion businesses. Events begin in the daytime and continue into the late night. A full schedule can be found here.
Supercrawl is a well-loved community tradition in Hamilton, but it also draws in crowds from outside the city. According to the Supercrawl website, over 200,000 people attended the event last year. The website also highlights the economic benefits of this, stating that last year’s Supercrawl had an economic impact of approximately thirty million dollars.
For McMaster University students looking to become more involved in the Hamilton community, Supercrawl is a great starting point. Students can explore local art, music, literature, and fashion, all within a two-kilometer radius.
How Virginia Woolf taught me to embrace adversity
Graphic by Esra Rakab
I began my hopeless love affair with Virginia Woolf’s feminist writing in the twelfth grade, when I first read A Room of One’s Own.
In her extended essay, Woolf wrote on feminism and the state of women, specifically when it came to women in fiction and literature. A central component of Woolf’s extended essay is her thesis: “a woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction.”
Woolf’s essay was an assigned reading for my twelfth-grade English literature class. Much to my delight, it was probably the shortest book I’d ever been assigned. I figured summarizing 100 pages of some antiquated author’s rambling was better than 400.
Although I would never have predicted it, A Room of One’s Own packed more antiquated rambling into 100 pages than most authors could in 10 — and I say that in the most endearing way possible because those 100 pages changed the way I view feminism.
Although I would never have predicted it, A Room of One’s Own packed more antiquated rambling into 100 pages than most authors could in 10 — and I say that in the most endearing way possible because those 100 pages changed the way I view feminism.
That year, I read A Room of One’s Own twice. The first time, I thought it was the most excruciating, mind-numbingly dense and horrific piece of literature that an English teacher had ever forced me to endure. My classmates were in agreement. Whenever I tell my friends that A Room of One’s Own is my favourite book, they still look at me with complete and utter confusion.
It was during the second read that I fell madly and deeply in love. Virginia Woolf’s modernist, stream-of-consciousness style of writing became a window into the brain of her genius. Symbolism became a thread woven through every carefully chosen word. It was the first time in my life that I felt like the author was speaking to me, where I could hear a voice behind the writing.
Since it was published in 1929, I find it concerning yet significantly important how applicable Woolf’s writings are today. She was a woman and she was angry. Angry at having to live in a society not made for her. Frustrated at the lack of opportunity. A woman who was interrupted, overshadowed, denied.
Since it was published in 1929, I find it concerning yet significantly important how applicable Woolf’s writings are today. She was a woman and she was angry. Angry at having to live in a society not made for her. Frustrated at the lack of opportunity. A woman who was interrupted, overshadowed, denied.
She argued that a woman’s financial independence and freedom are of the utmost importance if she is to live unburdened. This, in essence, is what Woolf described as being “incandescent.” It means freedom. It means rising above your life, your circumstances and your woes. It means to become illuminated and enlightened.
Woolf believed incandescence manifests itself in prose and poetry. Incandescent writing becomes resonant and transmits the writer’s emotions like nothing else. It becomes timeless, transcending generations — Shakespeare, Austen, Keats and Sterne, to name a few.
Since freedom and fullness of expression are crucial components of any literary work, Woolf argued that the scarcity of tools available to women were the most significant barriers to equality at the time.
In my first reading of the book, when I was prone to believe that everything and anything Woolf wrote was a total load of crap, the idea of incandescence seemed like the worst of it all. It felt like Woolf, who wrote in a stream of consciousness, was telling me that I need to silence my voice in order to create a literary masterpiece.
Woolf, a woman who ever-so-ironically interjects her voice into her essay at every possible moment, was saying that my life’s experiences and struggles need to be shoved to the side.
Ironic though it may be, was Woolf herself not a woman interrupted, overshadowed and denied? Far from her own definition of incandescence, Woolf constantly interjects herself into her work. And in her writing, I see myself.
Ranting and projecting her anger at the world. Although I may not agree with Woolf on every front, she wrote with the integrity that turned A Room of One’s Own into my favourite piece of literature.
Ironic though it may be, was Woolf herself not a woman interrupted, overshadowed and denied? Far from her own definition of incandescence, Woolf constantly interjects herself into her work. And in her writing, I see myself.
Woolfe kicks and screams that men can “lock up your libraries if you like; but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind.” She detests that “one cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well” as was deplorably the case for a great many women. She downright cries out for action and it is anything but incandescent. But it’s true and raw, and strikes a chord with me like nothing else ever has.
In reality, the minds of women like Woolf are all around us. Like many women, she was a victim of her circumstances. Her writing is a testament to her struggles, rooted in anger and screaming bloody murder at the world that tried to hold them down. As many women like her, Woolf found strength in what we now like to think of as a really long rant.
We are surrounded by people who, above all odds, turn adversity into their greatest asset. Today, we have Greta Thunberg, an environmental activist less than half the age yet twice as loud as the people she’s fighting against.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, a bartender-turned-politician at the mere age of 29, was the youngest woman ever elected to the United States Congress. Even with the media latching onto classist and sexist taunts to bring her down, she was elected through a grassroots campaign and a platform for the working class.
Their work shines bright because they embrace adversity. They have voices that not only reflect their struggles but their passion. They inspire me to chase after the change I want to see in the world, no matter who may tell me otherwise.
I often find myself reaching for A Room of One’s Own largely because it makes me feel a bit less alone in my misplaced anger at the world. Virginia Woolf’s discourse, her anger at a society that told her she could never amount to anything, hits so close to home.
In dialogues surrounding gender equity, everything that Woolf had to say a whole century ago is still more than applicable. Her voice, full of adversity, passion and life, isn’t incandescent but so much more.
I often find myself reaching for A Room of One’s Own largely because it makes me feel a bit less alone in my misplaced anger at the world.
I have Virginia Woolf to thank for her many nuggets of truth. For teaching me that I’ll never truly be incandescent per her definition and I’m more than happy with that. For showing me how to think critically about thoughts and ideas.
So what is the most notable lesson that A Room of One’s Own taught me? That, no matter what anyone may say, my struggles are my greatest strength.
What did it take to make this year's issue of Sex and the Steel City? Watch the trailer to find out:
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Arts and Culture Reporter Lauren O'Donnell sits down with Carrie Russell, owner of With Love Lingerie, an indie lingerie brand located in The Cotton Factory (270 Sherman Ave. N.) to chat about the craft of making lingerie.
Read the accompanying article here.
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When I was hired as the Arts & Culture Editor in August 2019, my mind immediately flooded with ideas and concepts of how to approach this year’s Sex and the Steel City issue. For months I stressed myself out as I pondered over ways through which I can ensure that this section was something I would be proud of, but I did not know what approach I wanted to take.
In the past, SATSC has explored themes of diversity, sex and safety, just to name a few; however, I didn’t want this year’s issue to simply be a repeat. I looked at my own life for inspiration and thought of identity.
Each piece in this issue explores the theme of identity in some essence, whether it be sexual orientation, community identity, or more broadly the identity of love itself. Each piece has a unique message that can apply to anyone.
It was important to me to make this year’s SATSC cover memorable. The candy theming was not only a play on Valentine’s Day; each item represents a different theme discussed in this issue. The rainbow bands on the cover represent queerness; the fuzzy peach rings represents body positivity; the hot lips represent romance; and the gummy bears represent sex.
Accompanying this issue is our SATSC trailer, a take on the season 2 trailer of the Netflix original “Sex Education”. It was important to me to incorporate this because I believe that “Sex Education” is really shaping the way we engage in conversation around a subject that has been taboo for such a long time—a goal that SATSC has been striving to achieve since its inception.
To everyone who contributed to the section through written or art submission, to the staff who supported me in the last few months, to those who took part in our video content, to the diligent teams who worked so hard to bring this special issue to fruition, thank you. I would also like to thank my former Arts and Culture Editor (now Online Editor), Razan Samara. Without you pushing me each week to do my absolute best, from being a contributor to now. I could not have done this without your guidance. This is my ode, my ballad, my contribution to the legacy of the Silhouette.
With love,
Andrew Mrozowski
The Silhouette
A&C Editor
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Articles:
Queer politics in Hamilton: a year in review by Trisha Gregorio, News Editor
Compassionate casual sex is blooming by Adrianna Michell, Features Reporter
Mythbusters: Bisexual edition by Lauren O'Donnell, Arts & Culture Reporter
From hosting RuPaul’s Drag Race to advocating for an inclusive city by Andrew Mrozowski, Arts and Culture Editor
Learning love from literature by Nisha Gill, Contributor
When you need to “prove it” by Julia Healy, Contributor
Pressures in love by Rachel Lieske, Contributor
The craft of making lingerie by Lauren O'Donnell, Arts & Culture Reporter
Embodied empowerment through boudoir photography by Lauren O'Donnell, Arts & Culture Reporter
Loud and proud by A. A., Contributor
Queer eye for fashion by Anonymous, Contributor
A day in the life of hook-up culture by Nina Joon, Contributor
Allure Fitness: Sliding down and shaping up by Kyle West, Sports Reporter
Artworks:
Lights Get Bright Tonight by Katie Van Kampen
Untitled 1 & 2 by Kyle West
Pluto’s Heartbreak by Claire Kim
I Am Beauty by Claire Kim
Midnight blue velvet covered in snowflakes, or red roses and lace entwined on sheer mesh fabric. These are a few of the pieces you can find within the collections at With Love Lingerie, an indie lingerie brand located in The Cotton Factory (270 Sherman Ave. N.). Carrie Russell, the owner and creator of With Love, says that the brand name was inspired by her process of making every piece with love.
With Love’s Instagram feed and promotional images emphasize body diversity. Before opening her own lingerie business, Russell worked in the mainstream lingerie industry, an industry with a history of leaving plus-size women out of their lines. Russell admits that when she first started With Love, she made pieces only in smalls, mediums or larges, with little wiggle-room for people who didn’t fit into those constraining categories. Even though she is an advocate for body positivity and acceptance, Russell didn’t initially notice the lack of inclusion. Her perspective changed when she realized she wasn’t included in her own line.
“[T]he minute I realized I wasn’t included in my own passion and my love for my business, it made me realize well who else I’m not including, like, what other people are not even able to enjoy the things that I feel really passionate about. And it wasn’t really out of, for me, not loving other people’s bodies. Because I just love people’s bodies. I love talking about self-love and body positivity … But it was not reflected in my line. That was a really big thing for me, and I’m continuing to work with that,” said Russell.
Pieces of lingerie hanging in Carrie Russell's space at the Cotton Factory. Photo by Jaden Hall / Video Editor
Social media—Instagram in particular—can have a negative impact on how people perceive their appearance. The app motivates users to focus on gaining likes and followers, and much of that is rooted in appearance and showcasing the “perfect body”. It’s important to remember that there’s no such thing as a perfect body, and even those who are considered perfect can still have difficulty accepting themselves. With Love aims to repair the relationship we have with our bodies, encouraging us to feel comfortable in our skin. Russell emphasizes the sense of empowerment that comes with lingerie, and the impact it can have on the journey towards body acceptance.
“[T]hings need to be made for people with love and to actually do that, you have to include and, and really embrace all different sorts of body types and also embrace and make people comfortable wherever they are in the journey of their body self image or their body positivity . . . I really do think it’s really exciting when I’m able to have someone try something on that they would never have really thought about wearing,” she said.
The majority of Russell’s designs are not very structured, meaning that most don’t have any underwires or corsetry, and she works predominantly in sheer mesh material. The lingerie is designed to move with the natural shape of the body, rather than seeking to restrict the person wearing it. With the ever-increasing popularity of waist cinchers, corsets and Spanx, it can be difficult to celebrate your body without feeling like it should be restrained. The sheer mesh designs aim to uncover and empower the body, emphasizing what’s already there.
“It’s almost better to highlight the things that you see as the assets to let them outshine the things that you may still not be totally in love with yet. And that’s exciting when that light bulb goes off in someone’s mind,” said Russell.
https://www.instagram.com/p/B8RfZj1FZ4G/
While many people assume that lingerie is exclusively for younger women, Russell says that most of her clientele is actually more mature women, with an age range averaging between 30 and 60.
“I’m getting women in their 60s wearing sheer bodysuits and just living in them, which is great. And I think that truly is body positivity,” said Russell.
With Love also caters to demographics beyond older-aged women. Russell says that she recently started working with trans women, gender-fluid and nonbinary folks. She sees a lot of potential for With Love to help people become more comfortable expressing themselves and exploring their gender.
“[I]t’s been really rewarding working with people who felt really timid about expressing who they are. And they feel comfortable coming to me and coming to my showroom, having one on ones with me, and I’m able to see their journey [with] discovering themselves and expressing themselves as well with their creativity and accepting sort of what they see and adorning it with With Love. And I think that’s a really big honor and it’s something that has been . . . a really rewarding learning curve for me,” said Russell.
While much of the response that Russell has received has been positive, there is still a lot of stigma surrounding lingerie and creating lingerie. In Russell’s experience, particularly in North America, lingerie is kept a secret because it is viewed as something inherently sexual or inappropriate. She says that people are very shy, and “Puritan” about it. With Love Lingerie strives to change that stereotype. While lingerie can be sexual, it can also be an empowering form of self-expression.
Russell has also recently launched her second brand, Spill the Tea Consulting, providing social media support and help for other small businesses trying to reach clients. In doing so, she hopes to help grow the community of local artists in Hamilton, and to help them reach their audience and thrive.
Ultimately, Russell hopes that With Love Lingerie can foster a sense of empowerment in the people that wear her designs, allowing them to be at home and comfortable in their own bodies. She hopes that everyone can experience the same joy she feels when making lingerie, and that they can see that everything she does is made, of course, with love.
This article is part of our Sex and the Steel City, our annual sex-positive issue. Click here to read more content from the special issue.
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By Julia Healy, Contributor
CW: Mentions sexual violence
Sex and I have a fraught relationship with one another. As a girl growing up as a lesbian in a fairly conservative religious environment, my parents, teachers and peers frequently insinuated that queer attraction, particularly attraction between women, was attention-seeking and a phase. This stereotype made me constantly doubt my feelings and kept me securely in the closet during my high school years. But, once I left home and entered the secular world of university, I was determined to come out.
In first year, I began to feel like I had missed out on a lot of romantic experiences by remaining closeted for so long. While I hadn’t even tried flirting with a girl, my 2SLGBTQ+ friends would tell stories about their past high school flings and recent hook-ups at parties. One story that that I would hear and unfortunately internalize starred straight girls who had supposedly just wanted to “experiment,” and had left my queer friends feeling heartbroken and used.
Being told that my sexuality was “just a phase” by people back home and by society at large was enough to make me doubt myself. Having this sentiment seemingly confirmed by the experiences of fellow members of the 2SLGBTQ+ community was terrifying. I internalized the idea that I could be misunderstanding my feelings, and that I was just constructing these attractions to seek attention, or approval from my 2SLGBTQ+ peers. I became fixated on the need to validate my identity and thought that having sex with a woman was the only way to settle the nagging fears inside my head.
I became fixated on the need to validate my identity and thought that having sex with a woman was the only way to settle the nagging fears inside my head.
Unfortunately, as an awkward first year who had never even kissed anyone, this plan was easier said than done. I worried that I would somehow mess up and embarrass myself, or, even worse, that I would realize I was straight all along. This idea made me so anxious, I didn’t even try to date. First and second year went by without a single a kiss to show for it.
In the summer of second year, my sexual life completely shifted. After just one lacklustre date with very little chemistry, I went back to a girl’s apartment and stayed the night. She didn’t know that I had experienced my first kiss and had lost my virginity within minutes of each other that night, and she didn’t seem to care about my nervousness. Although, in hindsight, I recognize that this encounter was not very healthy, I felt immense relief at the time that my attraction to women was not a figment of my imagination.
Despite this experience, I still hadn’t fully dispelled the negative stereotype about seeking attention, or the fear of falling behind on sexual experiences, from my brain. I started to seek out sexual encounters to validate not just my identity, but also my desirability and my self worth. The fears that I held onto have led me into some unsafe situations. I’ve rushed into sex with people before I was ready, to prove that I am, in fact, a lesbian. I’ve had sex with people before talking about STI status because I didn’t want them to feel like I was stalling out of disinterest, or for them to lose interest in me. I’ve never been able to properly communicate not being in the mood for sex, wanting to slow down or wanting to stop, even with partners who I knew would have respected my boundaries. I’ve had people hurt me during sex and, perhaps most damaging of all, I have frequently verbally consented to situations while my brain screamed at me to run away.
My lack of sexual experience once seemed like nothing but an obstacle between myself and the formation of a healthy queer relationship with a loving partner. However, after ignoring my own boundaries for so long, I feel like I’m farther from forming whatever a “healthy relationship” is than ever before.
My lack of sexual experience once seemed like nothing but an obstacle between myself and the formation of a healthy queer relationship with a loving partner. However, after ignoring my own boundaries for so long, I feel like I’m farther from forming whatever a “healthy relationship” is than ever before.
The unhealthy attitudes that I have developed towards sex started with the desire to not only validate my lesbian identity for myself, but to have that identity recognized by other queer women. My conservative upbringing started my self-doubt, but it was ultimately the emphasis placed upon sexual experience and the suspicion surrounding virginity within my own community that pushed me to seek validation through sex. I am only beginning to unlearn my unhealthy attitudes towards sex and to reconcile with my identity on my own terms.
At the intersection of sexism and homophobia, queer women face a lot of pressure from society to perform our sexuality in specific ways, often for the gratification of others. Rather than reproducing these pressures within our spaces, we as queer women should uplift one another, no matter where on our sexual journeys we happen to be.
This article is part of our Sex and the Steel City, our annual sex-positive issue. Click here to read more content from the special issue.
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