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If one more person tells me to posthumously respect Rob Ford I’m going to lose it. Even if we disregard him lying about smoking crack, he was objectively a bad mayor. He was accused of drinking in his city hall office, verbally and physically abusing his staffers, and frequently missing work. This is a man who said that he felt sympathy for cyclists, but stated that their deaths were “their own fault at the end of the day.” He claimed that he “didn’t understand a transgender … is it a guy dressed up like a girl or a girl dressed up like a guy?” and that Asian people “sleep beside their machines” and “work like dogs” (I believe this was an embarrassing attempt at a compliment). Here was a man who — as mayor of Toronto — skipped the pride parade almost every year of his term, despite the flag raising taking place directly outside his office. This list is by no means exhaustive.
Despite his controversial history, there have been calls to memorialize Ford. A poll demanded a statue of him in Toronto. His casket was displayed for visitation with an honour guard in city hall for the week before his full funeral procession. This is completely unprecedented for a mayor who did not die while in office.
This level of respect for the dead is selective. Media outlets had no problem portraying Michael Brown or Trayvon Martin — Black unarmed teenage boys — as suspect or criminal after they were killed. I’m willing to bet that Fidel Castro or Robert Mugabe will not be gifted with sympathetic eulogies. Who we choose to honour posthumously has nothing to do with reputation or controversy. If it did, Ford would not be viewed as a remotely sympathetic figure. It has little to do with lifetime achievement, as Ford’s state funeral is eclipses other former Torontonian mayors, including others who were significantly more effective at their jobs.
I can’t even begin to fathom how it feels to prematurely lose a parent. However, dying does not absolve you of your sins.
Posthumous respect is dependent on race and power. Would we have cared about Ford’s death if he had been a crack smoking racist office worker? How would we have treated Ford if he was a criminal Black mayor? We seem to only be comfortable respecting the dead when they are powerful White men, regardless of virtue. This begs the question, why do we feel the need to absolve him in the first place? Do we feel sympathy for his family? Do we feel guilt for the ways we treated Ford when we was alive? We have nothing to gain from rehabilitating Toronto’s most infamous mayor, yet we have everything to lose. What does it mean when a city that prides itself on diversity and acceptance gives a full funeral procession to a racist homophobe? Why are we more sympathetic towards him than we are towards the people whose lives he negatively affected?
No one should have to suffer the impact of cancer the way the Ford family has. I can’t even begin to fathom how it feels to prematurely lose a parent. However, dying does not absolve you of your sins. In the age of information it is often easier to cling to uncomplicated narratives: a man is dead and he has left behind a family and a legacy. We feel we ought to mourn. Forgotten are the consequences of his actions. Behind every one of Ford’s ignorant comments was very real prejudice that directly impacted his constituents. His death has not changed this. Even if we can reverse the damage he has done, I will continue to speak ill of the dead.
Photo Credit: Maclean's
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Two thirds of the way through the school year, the last thing on many students’ minds is their living situation. Between midterms, final exams and group meetings, students, especially those in residence, begin to see their rooms as a place to get a few hours of sleep before racing through another day. Unfortunately, some residence rooms are dealing with new, unwanted roommates.
For the past few months, Whidden Hall, a residence in the North Quad of campus, has been contending with an outbreak of bedbugs. Once associated with squalor, bedbugs have become a common pest in recent years, with discoveries of their presence in hotels, movie theatres and on public transit.
For this reason, Kevin Beatty, McMaster’s Director of Housing and Conference Services, is reluctant to call the recent outbreak a problem. “We typically see bedbugs over the course of the year. It's not uncommon to see them. But what is uncommon in this situation is that there seems to be a bit of a flare-up,” he said. He added that while the current bout has been present in Whidden for a few months, the treatment plan was put in place fairly soon after. “We have a comprehensive bedbug response plan in residence,” he said.
According to Beatty, all Community Advisors in residence are trained in how to deal with the reporting of bedbugs. Within 24 hours of a report being issued, pest control is brought in. “If the pest control company has something called proof of pests, so an actual bedbug or some trace that it exists, then they would take the next steps which would be working with the students to execute the treatment plan.”
This treatment plan involves students washing their bed sheets, clothing and other personal effects in biodegradable plastic bags, which help heat the objects in the washing machine, a process that kills the bedbugs. Pest control also treats the room in question, and comes in 14 days later to re-treat it.
While the initial reaction to the discovery of bugs may be to move to a different location, Beatty explained that this is not an ideal procedure. He said that if students are not present in their environment, the bugs will remain inactive. “The other reason is that you don't want people to move because one of the challenging aspects of bedbugs is that they're distributed in social networks ... that's why we advise students not to go home and why we don't move them.”
At the time that spoke with Beatty, the flare-up was isolated in Whidden. Since then, reports suggest the issue has spread to Bates Residence in the University’s West Quad, but Beatty could not be reached for further comment.
“We typically see bedbugs over the course of the year ... But what is uncommon in this situation is that there seems to be a bit of a flare-up."
For his part, Beatty remains optimistic about the “flare-up” being taken care of quickly and without fanfare. “We're lucky that residence students are quick to identify which allows us to be quick to respond,” he said.
Photo Credit: Jon White/ Photo Editor
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By: Sasha Dhesi
Recently an old classmate sent me a private message to wish me a happy birthday. The message reminded me of how I felt when our friendship petered out. We had a similar sense of humour and shared mutual interests, but as time went on, we found that although we still enjoyed each other’s company, we weren’t running in the same social or professional circles, and fell out of touch. I struggled with losing her, especially because, for all intents and purposes, we were still friends. How was I supposed to deal with our relationship just dying like that? What does it say about us that our relationship ended?
There’s a lot of pressure during your early 20s to find that group of friends that will follow you throughout your life. We’re taught that these are the most important years in our lives to build relationships that last. Every once in awhile, this manifests on anonymous posts, like on Spotted at Mac, where an unnamed upper year stresses over not having a clique despite being at the school for multiple years. While this sentiment is understandable, there are legitimate reasons to why you should occasionally let a relationship die, as opposed to working to save it.
There is nothing wrong with hoping that your social circle will follow you through life; the problem is failing to comprehend that you and those around you are going to change. The person you’re going to be one year from now is going to have different expectations and needs than the person you are this year. Sometimes the people in your life change with you, but more often than not, they diverge onto their own paths and can’t give you what you need.
By going into a relationship with the assumption that it’s going to last a very long time, you project your own needs and desires onto a person, which they may not share. In doing so, you stop treating people as people, and instead as objects to satisfy what you imagine your future should look like. Not only is this unfair to your partner, but it’s unfair to you. You should be in a relationship with someone who wants to give you what you need, as opposed to waiting for someone else to change.
Likewise, by assuming you have to remain in a relationship with someone, you run the risk of remaining in a harmful relationship. You are always going to change, but some people may not want you to. My eighth-grade orchestra teacher liked to tell us that “misery loves company.” Although he just meant we should avoid kids who skip band practice, it still struck a chord with me. Every so often, you will run into people who promote unhealthy behaviour and will want you to conform to their desires even if it hurts you.
A lot of people in university feel pressured to stay in these sorts of relationships because they believe that they’ll lose out on that ideal group of friends you hear about in shows like Friends and How I Met Your Mother. But these are the exception to the rule, and in the case of TV shows, completely made up. Chances are, you’re not going to meet your best friend or true love during your first year of university. You’re probably not going to meet them for a very long time, actually. Psychologically speaking, the brain doesn’t finish maturing until you’re 25, if not later. This is particularly true of the critical decision-making portion of the brain. By this standard, you’re not going to be ready to make any long-term decisions until you’re at least two to three years out of your undergraduate degree.
By going into a relationship with the assumption that it’s going to last a very long time, you project your own needs and desires onto a person, which they may not share. In doing so, you stop treating people as people, and instead as objects to satisfy what you imagine your future should look like.
So where does that leave us? Should you just treat every relationship as casual? The best way to balance your desire to change with your relationships is to let your relationships die when they need to. There will be times when someone you used to speak to everyday stops responding to your texts. There will also be times when you begin to dread going certain places because you have to see this person.
The key to maintaining everyone’s dignity and self-respect during these instances is to understand that it’s completely normal for relationships to die during this time in our lives. Be clear about your intentions with someone, and let them know if you’re not happy or satisfied with your relationship. From here, you can either work on your relationship or end it.
We are going through monumental changes, and different circumstances can mean different people are needed in your life. Some people may not be emotionally equipped to handle what you’re going through and vice versa. Treat this as a moment for self-reflection and not as a personal failure.
As for my friend and I, we’re still on good terms. Our relationship may have fizzled out, but it doesn’t mean that we don’t care about each other. What it ultimately says about us is that we were mature enough to understand that we grew apart. You will meet a lot of people and many of your relationships will die. It’s not a negative reflection on either of you, but a reflection of growth. Just make sure you wish them a happy birthday, at the very least.
Photo Credit: Matt Mullenweg
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By: Jennifer La Grassa
Last week, I locked myself in a bathroom stall on the second floor of the student center and cried. I had just gotten off the phone with my best friend who incoherently informed me through her uncontrollable sobbing that she had to put her dog, Daisy, down later that night. The combination of hearing her breaking down on the other end and the memories that flashed through my head of all that Daisy had been through with us turned me into a crying mess as well.
I was ashamed to be crying for a dog who wasn’t even my own and didn’t understand why, days later, I still felt a lingering sense of grief. When this same friend had broken up with her boyfriend she had been upset, but it wasn’t even comparable to the grief I heard her express over the loss of Daisy.
For those of you who have never been a pet owner, know that losing them is equivalent to the loss of a family member. It seems dramatic of me to be making that comparison, but until you care for and love an animal everyday for its entire life you won’t understand what it’s like. This is especially true for pets like an indoor dog or cat that are constantly involved in the life of their owner; no longer having them around can be emotionally devastating.
Pets provide companionship and love when no one else can or is around to do so. It is through watching television with them, petting them and burying your face in them for comfort that we create a psychological and social bond with them. They are there when everything is going right and are most reliably there when everything is going wrong. Just because we cannot speak dog (or cat or bird or lizard) and they cannot intellectually communicate with us should not be a reason to desensitize their death.
If you are dealing with the loss of a pet, don’t feel guilty or weird for grieving as it is natural and common to do so, especially when they have played such a large role in your life. Looking back on the tears I shed for Daisy, I realize that although she wasn’t mine I sympathize with the loss because I’ve been through it before. It was also difficult for me because I associate Daisy with my friend’s house and I strongly viewed her as being part of the family. I assume that going to my friend’s house and not having Daisy run up to me for the first time in eleven years will be tough to take in, but I know that like all other wounds created by loss, this too will soon heal.
Photo Credit: John Moore/ Getty Images
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I’m reaching the end of my degree. This will be the last semester of my undergraduate, and the first question that everyone but my cat wants the answer to is “where are you working after you graduate?” So on the cusp of graduation I have one honest recommendation for anyone looking for work: stop listening to almost everything people tell you about your future.
I fully recognize the irony in writing an article advising you to stop listening to advice, so instead let me tell you that all advice is not created equal. You need to be wary of who is giving you guidance and how applicable it really is. Traditional places we might look for help — friends, families, teachers — might not be as helpful as you’d hoped. Anyone who hasn’t had to job search in the last ten years is likely unable to tell you how to overcome our chronic job shortage. There is a reason why our parents’ generation often advised us to get an undergraduate degree and find a steady job with benefits and a retirement package. In their time it was not uncommon to secure a career in one industry, often with a single employer. Instead, our generation will be faced with multiple careers and more jobs than we can count, shaped by an ever-changing marketplace.
So if we can’t take advice from past generations, where can we turn? Googling “career tips” returns a huge number of results, but you should also be wary of taking advice from articles online. While tips on how to write a professional email or acquiring a business casual wardrobe may be helpful, don’t mistake that advice for anything that will help you stand out in a crowd — and there will be a crowd, because for every job that is publicly posted there are going to be a flock of applicants. Be wary of advice that is available to everyone, because at best it will help you conform in the market, and at worst make you forgettable.
Another thing to be critical of are buzzwords. I am firmly convinced that anyone who tells you to develop a “personal brand” doesn’t fully know what that means either. Take phrases like “personal elevator pitch”, “networking” and “rapid skill acquisition” with a grain of salt. If you can’t understand advice because it is wrapped in ambiguous or esoteric language, it is probably not going to be very useful to you anyway.
Be especially suspicious of advice that doesn’t take privilege and oppression into account. As study after study confirms what we already knew — that women and people of color are considered to be less qualified and are less likely to be hired — telling someone to “follow their dreams” ignores the fact that pursuing a career in your desired field is much easier for some than others. The best thing you can do instead is seek out advice tailored to your situation. If you can, look for someone you admire in your field with similar life experiences and reach out to them for guidance. You would be surprised how willing people are to mentor the enthusiastic and give you advice you wouldn’t be able to find elsewhere. If there is no one like you in your chosen field, just be prepared for a potentially longer and more arduous job search.
Be wary of advice that is available to everyone, because at best it will help you conform in the market, and at worst make you forgettable.
So after telling you what advice not to follow, let me give you the advice that has worked best for me: focus on yourself. Often times finding a job is an exercise in ego; we are constantly trying to prove to potential employers that we are worth their time and money. You need to see the value in your own work, otherwise how will anyone else see it too? Not everything you do will be groundbreaking, but take the time to appreciate your own improvement, and strive to get better at what you want to do. As best as you can, demand fair pay for your work, and don’t compare yourself to your friends or coworkers because it isn’t going to be helpful. Don’t let other people dictate what your career is going to look like, because at the end of the day you are the one accountable for your work.
Photo Credit: Corbis Images
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Sitting outside of Les Prince Hall is the most recent installation of the initiatives made possible by the Student Life Enhancement Fund.
Officially labeled as the McMaster Outdoor Fitness Circuit and Boulder Climbing Facility, the outdoor installation is a playground for fitness enthusiasts and beginners alike. Located by the track in front of Les Prince, the circuit contains various bars and benches that allow an individual to perform a variety of strength and conditioning sets. Two large, man-made boulders are also connected by a small rope-bridge.
The installation was originally built in August, but had its official launch on Nov. 12.
"I think it's a cool idea because we're always talking about space and how space is a premium and hard to come by, and I think it's cool that [Athletics and Recreation] is moving outside," said MSU President Ehima Osazuwa.
“Inside, there is literally no space to do anything, so we need to think about creative and new ways of utilizing space; there's a lot of outdoor space on campus that we currently don't really utilize,” he said.
The circuit was one of two initiatives selected by students as the best ideas during last year's Presidential elections, alongside a plan to enhance and optimize the space in the Student Centre.
An open period for new, student submissions is currently ongoing for SLEF, and Osazuwa described his excitement for several ideas including heated bus shelters and napping stations on campus.
Once the submission period ends, members of the Board of Directors will determine the feasibility of projects and present a shortlist to students to vote on during the Presidential elections this year. Once the top ideas are chosen, a suitable partner must be found to keep the initiative maintained and sustainable, like with the outdoor circuit being maintained by Athletics & Recreation.
“I'm a really big fan of SLEF because I think SLEF gives people the chance to dictate where their money is going to, and also give us creative and new ideas as to where we should spend student dollars on,” said Osazuwa.
However, not all initiatives necessarily have such a quick turnaround. An on-campus skating rink has been in the works for over three years now, but has run into various issues regarding feasibility and the logistics in implementing one and maintaining it during the winter.
While Osazuwa highlighted various hurdles such as the falling Canadian dollar and the details involved in maintenance, he indicated that he was hopeful with the progress this year.
“There's been more progress compared to previous years,” said Osazuwa.
Students have until Nov. 20 to submit their ideas.
Photo Credit: Jon White/Photo Editor
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By: Ashley Constant
McMaster still is a big part of my life. I still bus to campus every day for work, and most of my friends are still students, yet I can no longer claim the identity of being a McMaster student.
Instead, I guess I have to accept the title of McMaster alumni. This past June, I graduated with a B.A. in English with Honours. Now I’m trapped in that terrifying space between spaces—no longer a student, but not quite an adult member of the work force.
University acted as a pause button between being a childish high schooler and the aforementioned adult—a taxing, expensive, mentally draining pause button. However, it gave me four years to figure out who I am, and provided me with all the tools to do so. And by all accounts, I should know by now. That’s what people tell you about university—it’s the place where you are supposed to plan out the rest of your life. Yet, somewhere between moving into Wallingford Hall and walking across the stage at my convocation, I forgot to give my future much thought. I guess I just assumed that when the time came I would just know, much like the idea we get it in our heads that once we reach adulthood we’ll magically know how to do taxes and how to avoid watching six episodes of a TV show in a single night. Or maybe everyone was given the secret at some point and no one bothered to tell me. That’s certainly the impression some particularly well put-together students give off.
I suspect this feeling came from the fact that while I was a part of a very broad field of study, most of my friends came to McMaster for specific fields of studies that are streamlined to cater to a specific career. Their security appeared to rub off on me. When people would ask me what I was planning on doing after school (and people would stress the “after” part almost as if to put forth the idea the last four years would be for nothing if I didn’t have an answer to this question), I would shrug and say “I have four years to decide!” Then it became three, then two, then years turned into months and suddenly I was handed this great piece of paper declaring that I could pick out themes of long, drawn out texts and could adequately write papers on the subject. Nowhere on that thick, luxuriously printed certificate could I manage to find a map explaining what my future held.
The next four months were spent mentally beating myself up because I had failed, hadn’t I? While I had this amazing education, I didn’t have a plan. But as I moped and watched people around me live their seemingly successful lives, I realized something: they were winging it too. Friends who started studying one thing were now studying another, or were starting work in completely new fields. Some were moving out of their parents’ homes, and others were moving back. I’m even starting to see engagement and wedding pictures appear on the social media accounts of my high school friends. Just because I decided to pursue a university degree at this point in my life, I did not decide to activate some invisible countdown that ominously ticked down the moments until I had to have an answer to everyone’s “What now?” question. That countdown didn’t hit zero when I put on my graduation gown, and I didn’t fail when I still couldn’t quite answer my curious friends and family.
There is no timeline. There is no wrong way to discover what you’re passionate about, and if you happen to find yourself starting over three or four times, that’s fine too. I’m taking a little longer to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life, but you can ask again in a few months.
Photo Credit: 123RF.com
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Three years ago, I left Welcome Week feeling like I didn’t belong in the McMaster community. All the screaming and spontaneous Gangman Style mobs just weren’t my thing. The whole week seemed to cater only to extroverts and seemingly extroverted introverts. My only recluses were the friends I made in my small faculty and the few friends I knew coming to McMaster.
For this year’s crop of frosh who are concerned or disillusioned, there are two things you should know. First, your university career is probably not going to be like Welcome Week. You’ll find your little niche, and do the things you like with a small clique of friends. There will be no yelling “HYPE HYPE HYPE” or “nae nae”-ing on the street.
That said, by design an extrovert can more easily succeed in university socially than an introvert. Residence life for an introvert is like living in a minefield of social opportunities and situations. Luckily, that doesn’t mean an introvert is doomed. To survive, you have to get to know your preferences. You may like to spend time by yourself or take time to observe and think before you act. Focus on your interests and make as many—or likely in this case, as few—connections as you desire. Once you figure out what you like, you can easily find people and extracurricular activities that are compatible to you. Clubs are great because you get to talk about what you’re interested in with a small group of people.
Jillian Perkins-Marsh, an Alumni Career Counsellor at the Student Success Centre, says it is also important to take the risk of experiencing new things through experiential programming like MacServe and job shadowing. “At the end of the day you are gaining skills for your own personal development. The experiences always teach you something about yourself even if it doesn’t work out. Personality is not static.”
As an introvert, it’s very important to find the right balance between socializing and taking time for yourself. You should know how to get away when you need to. Your family is a phone call away and they definitely want to hear from you. Find places where you can be quiet and alone on campus if you need to (ETB is a great place that not many people frequent). Jillian also suggests being open about what you need with those around you.
While on this journey of self-discovery it is important to realize that you’re not alone.
In Susan Cain’s TED talk, “The Power of Introverts”, Cain reveals the shocking fact that approximately one third to half of the population identify as introverts. Jillian also suggests completing a Myers-Brig test. “Reading up on yourself can be a really enlightening process.” Frankly, there’s no shame in cozying up in your bed by your lonesome with your boyfriend pillow and Netflix (or as I like to call it, Netflix and no chill).
The second thing you should know is that Welcome Week as a whole actually isn’t so bad. Sure events like MacConnector and PJ Parade are intended for extroverts, but there are plenty of opportunities for introverts as well. If reps did their jobs properly, hopefully at some point in the week you had a nice quiet conversation with a rep or painted a rock or made a bracelet at the chill tent.
Full disclosure, as a Welcome Week faculty planner this year, I have my biases. On the other hand, I’m not the archetypal rep because I’m a quiet introvert. This past week my screaming was kept to a minimum and I was mostly silent in planner meetings. In the past I was worried about what people thought about me given how quiet I was, but the truth is the people who matter don’t think any less of you. They understand where you’re coming from and they know that you are engaged. While as an introvert, it is worthwhile to try to branch out and practice speaking to groups, it’s important to remember that you are simply wired to prefer one way of acting. Forcing yourself to change is as silly as trying to convince yourself that you like boiled eggplant.
On the distinction between branching out and trying too hard to change who you are, Jillian says that it “depends on your own motivations. You should know whether you are doing what you want versus what you think people want you to do.”
Just know that, as an introvert, you can still be a part of the McMaster community if you want to.
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Aurora Coltman
Silhouette Intern
During the summer break, I visited Japan on my own. But this is not another travel story. It’s actually about what happens after the adventure, when the adrenaline and the jet lag bring you straight back to a jarring reality of obstacles, stress and responsibility.
But let me finish my introduction. I visited Japan. Going there, I had a suitcase inside a suitcase, pre-emptively solving the problem of how to bring back an extra ton of souvenirs.
Among these souvenirs was a particularly treasured little item for myself. That item is a Daruma doll. Darumas are symbols of perseverance and good luck. Given as gifts, they are signs of encouragement.
However, there’s a certain trick to working the magic of a Daruma doll: you must paint an eye.
Yes, only one eye. Daruma dolls are typically given with blank eyes – entirely white. It is supposed to be that you make a wish, and when wishing on the Daruma doll, you paint one eye. When you fulfill that wish, you paint the second eye. And here’s a neat little tidbit: if you knock a Daruma doll over, it springs right back up. This is supposed to suggest that no matter where you’re going in life, you are somehow still on track in fulfilling your dream. You fall in life’s lows, but you always stand right back up.
A lot of people will probably scoff at that; label it unrealistic, a romantic notion.
And I sort of agree.
But the romanticism is what makes painting the eye so attractive: fulfilling a dream.
Most of you know by this point that it isn’t always the downs of life that drain the most – it’s recovering from those downs. Most of you out there don’t own your own little Daruma dolls; you don’t have a constant reminder that you’re on track with your dream - that you’re going to stand back up again.
Well, you’re probably most definitely scoffing now, am I right? But how about I share a little secret? I have a dream too, just like most of you. That doesn’t mean it’s a clear dream. It is by no means “I want two and half kids, a happy marriage, and a white picket fence.”
Firstly: heck no.
Secondly: there is so much more to my dream than clear-cut words. Mine’s a hazy little outline. Maybe to someday be not a paying guest at comic-cons and music festivals, but to someday be a guest, to be invited because someone somewhere happened to recognize talent among hard work and effort.
Which seems to me to be a near-impossible dream. But then again, if I don’t give it a shot, and if I don’t recover from the downs, I’ll never know.
So when you step out to pursue your dream, give it your best shot, and remember: always spring back up.
Sarah O’Connor / Silhouette Staff
Last weekend, my eighty-seven year old grandfather died. He had been in St. Joseph’s for a month and after fluctuating from dialysis to getting off dialysis, from possibly coming home to never coming home, and he finally passed away. He wasn’t suffering anymore. His breathing stopped first, his heart soon followed.
My grandpa always read my articles in The Silhouette. When I told him in September that I would be writing for my University’s paper, he asked me to bring two papers each week I saw him. One for him, one for me. After reading my first article, it was my grandpa who said, “This is what you’re going to be doing for the rest of your life.”
He was a World War Two veteran – he helped liberate Holland. But this wasn’t something he bragged about. It was something we knew as a family, something we were immensely proud of. Every Remembrance Day, he would show us his war medals and tell us war stories. He always seemed so strong.
The war was in the past, but it was one day when he came for dinner with a troubled mind that he told my dad, “Some days, the war doesn’t leave you.”
He was alone for a long time. My Nana, his wife, passed away ten years earlier, and while he had his children and grandchildren, he missed her, and I know it was hard for him to live without her. My family and I comforted ourselves that he was now with my Nana and his brothers, who had died so many years earlier.
Death can really make you think. I was nine when my Nana died, and it was easy for me to believe that she went to Heaven. She was with God, she was healthy and she was watching over us. As an adult, it isn’t so easy to believe that dead relatives go to Heaven. It is still a concept I think of, and I still say that they’re both in Heaven happy now, but the world changes you.
When you grow up, ideas so simply believed as a child are no longer simple. All that has been learned while growing up has clouded faith. It’s too good to be true that a loved one can pass on to another world where there’s no pain, no stress, no worry. It’s too good to be true. But so many people believe it.
I believe it because it is my faith. Though I question my faith often, I need to believe. I don’t know who I’d be or how I’d function without it. But this makes me question why we believe these things. Faith is a good part of it, but I think it’s because we don’t want our loved ones to be forgotten.
We can’t let ourselves think that they are gone forever, their bodies rotting underneath the ground or their ashes carefully preserved in a wall. We can’t accept that they’re gone, no longer with us. We create an afterlife for them and for us so that death is no longer a mystery. There is a destination, an answer.
Is this the right way to think? Not necessarily. While people may have made up the afterlife as a way to cope, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. There is no way to prove it is there, though some people speak of ghost sightings and dreams from the dead. Those people could be telling the truth, or they could have an over-active imagination. We just don’t know.
But we don’t want our loved ones to be forgotten. So we buy thousand-dollar caskets, fancy tombstones and flowers for corpses.
Even in death, possessions mark if a person was loved or not, if they were wealthy or poor. Even in death we are judged. We try to keep our loved ones remembered, because we loved them so much. For them to be forgotten is a crime.
We try to seek an answer all our life – an answer to life and death. Both are unknown for us. We live trying to discover why life is hard and why bad things happen to good people, and we try to discover what happens after life. What is there? Is there anything? Both life and death are inevitable, and maybe if people decided to just live and die instead of seeking an answer and planning too far ahead, maybe, just maybe we won’t fear it. Maybe that’s the answer to both questions, to life and death.
I’m over-thinking. Death does that to a person. And whatever life and death is, in the end, our human desire is to be remembered. We don’t want to turn to dust with faded headstones, forgotten forever.
So I remember my grandpa, and others will too, most likely as a group for his duty to Canada so many years before, and some like me will remember him as an individual. And maybe you will too, as words on paper, a stranger you’ll never meet but a stranger you know. That is, if you’ve read to the end.
