By: Andrew Mrozowski
I come from a small town outside of the greater Toronto area where I couldn’t be open about who I truly am. There were no spaces that were created by people like me, no rainbow flags, no queer party nights – nothing. When I decided to move to Hamilton for school, I knew that with coming to a large city, I would be exposed to a different aspect of the LGBTQ2S+ community and be amongst people with whom I could be my true self.
Fast forward to two years later, I have found spaces in Hamilton where I could be myself and thrive in my own self-discovery, social life and the committed relationship I’m in. I have realized that although Hamilton might not have a designated “gay village”, there are spots that have made me feel welcomed.
At first glance, these spaces may appear “ordinary”, but through my interactions and experiences I’ve found that these spaces greet you with a sense of community, set the scene for fond memories and ultimately aid personal growth. I want to share these spaces with people who might feel like they are out of their element in this city. I know it has helped me a lot during this past year and hopefully it will help you find what you are looking for.
A popular locally-sourced restaurant in Hamilton, HAMBRGR boasts a wide-selection of burgers and craft beers in an industrialized atmosphere. This was not my first time at HAMBRGR, and although my date and I had to wait thirty minutes to be seated, we knew the food was well worth it. Our waiter was really friendly, giving us his enthusiastic recommendations on the extensive menu. Through his charismatic attitude, he made us feel very welcome and even tried his best to charm us.
This experience is one of my first and favourite memories with my boyfriend. I felt like the space allowed me to be my true self without having to worry about how others would perceive me and my sexuality. There was no shade thrown my way that night. If I’m not comfortable in my own skin, then I can’t enjoy my time because my mind is so preoccupied worrying about everything and everyone around me. I can confidently say that I enjoyed my night at HAMBRGR because I was able to leave all the worry behind. In this queer-friendly space, I was able to focus on what was most important to me; starting a new relationship.
Through writing for the Silhouette, I’ve been able to meet a lot of interesting people in Hamilton and I’ve made quite a few friends. I recently befriended Dom Pugliese, who is the the owner of Crumbled. At Crumbled, Pugliese creates deconstructed cake in a cup with unconventional flavours such as lemon meringue, cookie dough and snickers. I have found myself going to Crumbled at least once every two weeks and spending at least an hour talking to Dom and indulging on his decadent cake.
When I first approached Crumbled, I had no idea that it would be queer-friendly. When I went inside and starting talking to Pugliese, he filled the space with inclusivity. Pugliese and I have lost track of time talking about everything from his business, to our personal lives and swapping little anecdotes. At Crumbled and with Pugliese, I was able to destress by getting lost in our conversations and forgetting the responsibilities that constantly dominate my life for a little while.
Pugliese and other owners in the heart of Barton Village are working towards making Hamilton a more queer-friendly city and inclusive for all. Through Crumbled, Pugliese is making an effort to add to the city’s overall queerness, and he has realized that you do not need to open up a designated space to still be welcoming to all. I always look forward to my visits to the Barton Village because I know that I have a good friend there waiting to chat over a unique bowl of cake.
As a student and part-time barista, I will be the first to say that I am addicted to caffeine. I am constantly on the hunt for great lattes in environments that are both aesthetically pleasing and welcoming. During this last year, I have found myself constantly going to two cafes that fit my criteria.
Redchurch Cafe not only serves coffee but also baked goods, food and alcohol. I was first introduced to this space on the night of Halloween, when the space was transformed to host live music and cocktails. I attended the party with my boyfriend and felt that I didn’t need to hide the fact that we were dating because everyone, from the staff to other attendees, had such a care-free and welcoming attitude. I was able enjoy the party without stressing about our safety. These warm and inviting feelings carried over to when I would go to the cafe during the day to study.
Typically flying a pride flag outside, I would probably say that Emerald Coffee Co. is the only definitive queer coffee shop in the city, most likely thanks to the owner, Phil Green. Much like the other business owners on Barton Street East, Green is dedicated to ensuring that the queer community has a place to feel welcomed and supported. He feels that Barton Village will most likely be Hamilton’s next gay village. Emerald Coffee Co. is the perfect place to get some work done in a welcoming environment with great all-natural lattes, drip coffee, and cold-brew on tap. I love coming here because I really enjoy the quality you can get and I’m all for supporting queer business owners.
This party planning duo is ensuring that Hamilton’s queer community always has a safe and fun space to party the night away. Adam George and Steve Hilliard have thrown massive queer parties to reunite a community that has been disconnected in recent years. They’ve also hosted former RuPaul’s Drag Race contestants and local drag queens. Adam and Steve’s parties are one of the closest thing the queer community can get to a designated queer space in Hamilton. Since meeting the duo, they have shown me that Hamilton’s gay culture does exist. I used to think that the only way I could express myself and find acceptable is by going to Toronto’s gay village, but thanks to people like Adam and Steve, queer-culture is being normalized again in Hamilton. Thank you Adam and Steve for giving me a space where I can be truly myself, unapologetically.
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By: Julia Healy
“Sexually active” is an awkward phrase that many of us only hear in the doctor’s office. It is used in an attempt to bridge the intimate world of sex with the clinical and professional world of medicine, which is not an inherently harmful goal.
What is harmful is that whether or not one is sexually active is often the only question concerning sexual health that is asked during a doctor’s visit. And more often than not the answer is confined to heteronormative, penis-in-vagina penetrative sex between a cis man and a cis woman.
I recently had a negative experience that sums up how the use of this clinical language can lead to misunderstandings and humiliating experiences for LGBTQ2S+ individuals like myself. After having a bizarre 25-day period, I decided to go to the doctor. He told me that a wide variety of problems could have caused this problem. He then referred me to an ultrasound clinic for testing.
At the clinic, I filled out my paperwork and waivers. One form asked if I was sexually active and left no space to elaborate. I had to think about how to answer; I had had sex before, but it was with another woman, so what was this form actually asking about? Possibility of pregnancy? Exposure to STIs?
I decided to check ‘yes’ since I do consider myself to be sexually active and my doctor had mentioned that an STI could be a contributor to my problem.
Once I was inside the ultrasound room, lying on a table in a hospital gown, the technician noted that I was sexually active. She then muttered under her breath that I would need to be to to get a transvaginal ultrasound, while picking up a large internal ultrasound wand.
Not having known that being sexually active in a heteronormative sense was a prerequisite to the procedure, I decided that now was a good time to clarify. I tried to phrase my predicament as delicately as possible, so I emphasised that I had never had penetrative sex before.
The technician became very frustrated and started to interrogate me, demanding me to explain.
I thought that a medical professional who specialized in sexual healthcare would understand my phrasing. I thought that she would at least consider that different people have different types of sex.
Instead I was there, lying half-naked on a table, being yelled at by somebody who did not seem to consider sexual differences. Humiliated, I said in a very small voice, “well… I’m a lesbian.”
The technician’s demeanor instantly changed. She became less aggressive and seemed embarrassed. She left and brought back new paperwork for me and indicated that I should write that I was not sexually active and that I did not consent to the tests that I had previously consented to.
I went home frustrated about being yelled at and ultimately denied the testing that was recommended by my doctor. I decided to follow up with the clinic and while the receptionist was sympathetic and said that they would follow up with the technician, they also defended the clinic’s position by saying, that I was technically a virgin and that I shouldn’t have indicated otherwise.
This entire situation was incredibly uncomfortable for me and it could have been avoided if only the original paperwork had been clear in its questions. If I had space to elaborate on my sexual experiences in the paperwork, I would have and would have spared myself from the frustration of the technician. If I had known that penetrative sex was a prerequisite to the test, I would not have signed the consent form.
However, even with these language changes, the clinic’s penetrative sex requirement is an inappropriate policy. Everyone with a vagina should have access to reliable ultrasound tests regardless of sexual activity. Smaller ultrasound probes that can be used with less discomfort do exist, but unfortunately, not many ultrasound clinics use them. In my city of 600,000 people, you can only gain access to a smaller probe by going to the hospital.
When discussing barriers that lie between the LGBTQ2S+ community and healthcare, it’s not just about blatantly bigoted “bad apples” who refuse to treat queer patients. Barriers are deeply ingrained in the language that is used and assumptions that are made about a patient’s experience.
Barriers include failing to take LGBTQ2S+ experiences into account when designing medical procedures and failing to provide access medical equipment that works for all bodies, regardless of previous sexual activity. Barriers also arise when medical staff are ill-informed about the language that groups use to describe themselves and their experiences, and when this language is challenged in a hostile way.
Sexual health is incredibly important. However, encouraging people to take control of their sexual health only does so much if one’s identity and experiences are not incorporated into our healthcare systems.
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From sitcoms to home improvement shows to commercials, the kitchen is assumed as the central space of a family. It is shown as a spot where its members gather, whether they’re grabbing a quick breakfast or cooking a multi-course holiday dinner.
However, since family can define so much more than just blood, it is only fitting that kitchen spaces be found in the community as well. The North Hamilton Community Health Centre and Speqtrum Hamilton have teamed up to create the Intergenerational Kitchen, an all-ages cooking series for the LGBTQ2S+ communities.
“[F]or myself there is definitely a period of time that I did not feel as comfortable maybe engaging my grandparents or aunts and uncles because I didn't know what they thought about my identity or I wasn't sure how accepting they're going to be. So it's a way that we can be our full selves in a space and also connect with other people that are different ages,” explained Jyssika Russell, the project co-ordinator for Speqtrum Hamilton.
The kitchen series has run every other Tuesday since Sept. 18 at the NHCHC’s community kitchen. The first series of events ends on Nov. 27 but there are plans to start up a second series of the program in the future.
Each event consists of making three or four dishes, usually consisting of a salad, main and dessert. Care is taken to try and make options for different dietary restrictions. Participants have also brought in their own familial and cultural recipes to share with others.
The NHCHC kitchen has been busting with turnouts of as much as 13 individuals. The program has also received a diverse age group with attendees as young as 16 and upwards of 70 years old. The kitchen is typically set up with learning stations, allowing cooks of different skillsets to learn from one another.
“[O]ne of the things that is the foundation of what Speqtrum does is [that] we try to create opportunities to do stuff together… I've always found doing activities, whether that be learning a new skill or doing something together, you're able to connect and have those conversations about who you are or about the things that you like,” Russell explained.
For those who don’t want to cook, there is also a chill space with a LGBTQ2S+ -themed colouring station. There are also other tasks such as dishwashing and table setting to do. People are also welcome to skip the preparation altogether and just come to eat.
The Intergenerational Kitchen has received a warm response. Having intergenerational events had been requested by the youth that Speqtrum serves and they have been participating, eager to meet and mingle with members of the community with different amounts of lived experience. While there has been a variation in ages, Russell hopes that the kitchen will continue to bring in more generations.
The kitchen has also tapped into the way that food transcends differences. By providing a space outside of partying, it has engaged people with different tastes and ages within the LGBTQ2S+ community. In cooking and sharing a meal, the series has been crossing generational gaps and bringing together those with completely different interests and knowledge, from reality television to sword-making.
“[L]anguage and identities and ways of thinking about gender and sexuality are always evolving. [W]ith younger folks and the Internet… there's a lot of conversation that happens in those spaces that maybe hasn't trickled up to older generations so sometimes there's a generational divide in how we think about gender and how we conceptualize sexuality… I think this is really about recognizing all the similarities that we have across age and across identities,” said Russell.
Like any kitchen, the Intergenerational Kitchen is forging familial ties. It is providing a central space for LGBTQ2S+ individuals of different generations to connect and share in the healing power of a home cooked meal.
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