Dating is all about perspective and a journey of self-discovery

Valentine's Day is often portrayed as the most romantic day of the year. It’s supposed to be a day to celebrate love and show appreciation for your significant other, but what about for those who don't have a partner or who have just gone through a breakup?  

My dating life has been a . . . turbulent experience to say the least.  

My dating life has been a . . . turbulent experience to say the least.

Since May 2022, I’ve dated, or at least been on dates with, five men. Some of them were real heart breakers, some of them ended mutually, some of them I still feel like they were “the one that got away” (cue Katy Perry on Apple Music).  

I will not discredit the pain that I have endured with some of them, nor will I discredit how happy others made me. Neither outweigh the other, nor were some more meaningful than others. As cliché as it sounds, each dating encounter was a learning experience and it made me stronger, even if it didn’t feel like it at the time. It pushed me onto a new path and has helped me on the path to self-discovery. 

You might be sitting there thinking, “okay, so this guy is trauma dumping for his benefit,” but I would politely disagree. I am trauma dumping hopefully for your benefit. The through line of dating experience is that I learned so much about myself. I’ve learned what I like and what I dislike in relationships and the infamous situationship. I’ve learned about the types of people I thrive with and I’ve learned about the types of people who I don’t necessarily jive with. I’ve been able to form strong bonds, but they didn’t always necessarily last. Every experience — and every man — was unique, different from the last.  

Every experience — and every man — was unique, different from the last. 

In May 2022, I got out of my second long-term relationship with someone who I adored. I remember the exact date because it happened on the only Friday the 13 in 2022 (go figure something bad would happen on that day). We just went on a ghost walk at the Hermitage Ruins (which by the way, if you haven’t been, definitely check it out because it’s SO creepy). The entire night I could tell something was off and when we got home later that night, I knew a breakup was imminent (maybe I’m a psychic?). Now that it’s been almost a year, I like to joke and say that it was the spirits playing tricks on me. 

The relationship was largely long distance, with spurts of in-person periods throughout the school year. While that took a bit of a toll on me, I think I became comfortable not always seeing someone. I recognized that space is important. Now, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t always want to see him, but I was okay knowing that there would be many times I couldn’t. That’s what happens when two people live two busy lives. I have remained very close friends with this person and I wouldn’t have changed a single thing about the time we spent together. Yes, we both made some mistakes, but we’re both human. I’ve forgiven myself for those mistakes and I’m grateful I got to keep the benefits of having this person in my life.  

I’ve forgiven myself for those mistakes and I’m grateful I got to keep the benefits of having this person in my life. 

Over the summer of 2022, I took some time for myself and went back home, since that’s the one place where I feel I can have my guard down and focus. I took the time to focus on my health, shedding 30 pounds of what I had deemed my “relationship weight”, focused on my passions, hobbies and relearned what it meant to support myself. I had a lot of support from the established people in my life, but also others who were new. Many of my new work colleagues were quick to offer advice, support or their ear to what I was going through — and to those individuals, I will always be grateful for that. 

I eventually redownloaded the typical dating apps and started to explore who was out there. The first person who I instantly connected moved from England literally a few weeks before we started talking. I was smitten even though he wasn’t a monarchist. Things were going well, until he told me that he didn’t want a relationship. I was a little hurt because I felt a tad led on, but I didn’t blame him — he was trying to start his life in Toronto, why would he want to be tied down so early on? He was the first guy I really had spoken to since my last long-term relationship and I learned what it was like to start dating again.  

Next was someone who I had spoken to at the beginning of COVID who I matched with online. We reconnected and went on a couple dates. Things didn’t necessarily end, but more or less fizzled out. I’m not really sure if there was a lesson associated with this, but it was nice to reconnect with someone who I genuinely admire.  

Around October 2022, I got a message on a dating app from another person, who I thought was interesting. He somehow felt different than the men I dated in the past, so I was intrigued. We went on a few dates, but he told me that he wasn’t really looking for anything at the moment. By that point, that phrase kind of took a toll on my mental health. Why was nobody wanting to pursue something with me? It took a lot of reflection to realize that it wasn’t me, rather just the situations I kept finding myself in. 

It took a lot of reflection to realize that it wasn’t me, rather just the situations I kept finding myself in.

One day in November, I was scrolling through Instagram and I came across someone who I had a crush on since my second-year. I decided to shoot my shot and message him. To my surprise, he messaged back and we ended up dating for a month and a half. I don’t think I felt as infatuated with someone since my long-term relationship. I would also confidently say that I had some of the best dates I’ve ever been on were with him. Unfortunately, this one also didn’t work out. Although it wasn’t a break up because we weren’t officially in a relationship, it sure as hell felt like one. Let me tell you, it was HARD at some points. In hindsight, I realized that I wasn’t really ready for a relationship either.  

Around the same time we started dating, I started therapy for the second time in my life. I was feeling incredibly anxious in all aspects of my life and I know constantly hearing the line “I don’t want a relationship right now but you’re a really great guy” was triggering for me. As ironic as it was, his reason for ending things was also how I was feeling for a while. After talking things over with my mother and my therapist, I came to the realization that I felt my chapter in Hamilton was also nearing its end.  

I came to the realization that I felt my chapter in Hamilton was also nearing its end. 

I have some regrets about this one. I let some of the interactions with the previous men I dated shape how I perceived the actions of this boy. My past with men not wanting a relationship bled into my present, which caused me to doubt both of our actions and created a self-fulfilling prophecy. With that said, I’m so happy I pushed myself outside of my comfort zone and slid into his DMs. It was an absolute pleasure getting to know this individual for the month and a half we dated and for the little bit we talked after. While I’m sad that we couldn’t be friends in the end, it taught me a valuable lesson. Just because things started off great, doesn’t mean they are always going to work out in the end. That’s okay and doesn’t have to be a bad thing. I learned a lot with this one and I will always be thankful for those shared experiences. 

And here we are now, February 2023. I’ve once again reconnected with someone who I talked to at the start of the pandemic and we’ve hung out a few times. I’ve also applied to some Master’s programs outside of Hamilton so I can gain new experiences and start my next chapter. I’ve continued therapy and have questioned what is in my control and outside of my control. Rethinking many of the stresses and anxieties in my life through this lens have immensely reshaped my mental and emotional state for the better. I’m once again relearning who I am and what I want both out of life and in a relationship context. I don’t think I’m ready for a long-term relationship, nor do I want one at the moment. I want to focus on myself, maybe go on some dates and meet new people along the way. I would not have come to these realizations if it wasn’t for every single person I dated over the last year. There were a couple in particular who especially shaped my trajectory and they know who they are.  

I would not have come to these realizations if it wasn’t for every single person I dated over the last year. There were a couple in particular who especially shaped my trajectory and they know who they are. 

I wouldn’t say that things ended overtly well with anybody, but it is all a matter of perspective. Of course, hindsight is 20-20 but I’m not the kind of guy to be bitter about things ending. I strive to end things amicably to seek closure. Reshaping my perspectives on what I initially perceived as “bad dating experiences” and shifting them to learning experiences helped me find that closure.  

My hope after reading this article is that if you are in a slump about your dating life — whether you’re queer, straight or anything in between or outside — that you take the time you need to self-reflect and question why you are feeling the way you are. What I want you to take away is that you are still you and you have just learned so much about the person you are supposed to be in the end. Each person we encounter in our lives helps us self-actualize our own potential. It took me a long time to get myself to that perspective and I don’t think you’ll get there overnight. But hopefully with time, you will be able to reflect on your past experiences with people be able to find some sort of inner peace that for better or for worse, that person has changed your life and made you the incredibly resilient person you are today. 

Ring in the season with these festive picks to get you in the holiday spirit

‘Tis the season to be jolly and with the end of exams, students can finally take a breather from the hustle and bustle that comes with the academic year. Although COVID-19 has made the typical holiday season feel like a distant memory, that doesn’t mean you still can’t kick back by the fireplace, enjoy a cup of eggnog and stream your favourite Disney show or movie to get you in the holiday spirit. No need to sell your voice to the sea witch to make this happen! 

Yet another disclaimer: Yes I have written another Disney+ article, but I am still not sponsored to write this. Again, Disney if you are listening, any Christmas ornaments you would like to send me, I’d appreciate it! As always, heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it’s off to the list we go!

 

The Wonderful World of Disney: Magical Holiday Celebration, 2020

A fun way to kick off the holiday season, this special brings you into the heart of the Magic Kingdom’s Main Street USA. With a number of special holiday performances around the Disney parks, this celebration is sure to put a smile on your face. If seeing Idina Menzel and Kristen Bell sing a song from Olaf’s Frozen Adventure or watching Shaggy sing “Jamaican Drummer Boy” in front of Cinderella’s castle wasn’t enough for you, you’ll be delighted to watch castles around the world get lit up for the festive season.

The Disney Holiday Singalong, 2020

Do you miss caroling? Look no further than this festive special, hosted by Ryan Reynolds. Join your favourite celebrities as they sing classic holiday songs, with a few Disney ones thrown in the mix. Who was my personal favourite? Katy Perry singing her newest single, "Cozy Little Christmas", dressed as a Christmas tree!

The Santa Clause 2, 2002

“Seeing isn’t believing; believing is seeing.”

I mentioned this movie in another piece I have written and I am so glad that it is easily accessible on this platform. The Santa Clause 2 is a movie that I look forward to watching every holiday season. Santa Claus is losing his powers because of the Mrs. Clause, a stipulation that states if he isn’t married by Christmas Day, he can’t be Santa anymore.

If that wasn’t enough, Santa finds out that his son is on the naughty list and must depart the North Pole to set him straight. Not only does the film have a great soundtrack, but it also stands for so much. The main message is you don’t need magic in order to make a difference in people’s lives — a message that is especially important to me during the holidays.

Disney’s Fairy Tale Weddings: Holiday Magic, 2017

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In my “ten things you need to watch on Disney+ right now” article, I spoke about Disney’s Fairy Tale Weddings, a show that documents couples getting married within the Disney parks. I raved about how romantic the show was, paired with the magic of Disney, made for a show that was truly worthy of binge watching. Take that and couple it (pun intended) with the magic of the holiday season and you have a show that is bound to make you tear up as you hear the words “I do”. My recommendation is to stock up on some tissues before you watch this!

Olaf’s Frozen Adventure, 2017

“And when we’re together, it’s my favourite time of year.”

Ring in the season with your favourite friends from Disney’s Frozen. While this isn’t the longest animated short, it is sure to put you in the spirit of the holiday season as Olaf tries to find a new holiday tradition for Anna and Elsa.

A cute little side story: the first song in this short is called “Ring in the Season” and everytime I go into the Disney Store during November and December, the song comes on either as I’m entering or leaving the store. It always puts me in the holiday spirit as I’m buying the last of my gifts. This Frozen tale isn’t just a cute little distraction from the hustle and bustle of the holidays, but also has a heartwarming message. The festive season isn’t about the yearly traditions or the fruit cake, rather it’s about the people you spend the time with. 

Iron Man 3, 2013

“And so, as Christmas morning began, my journey has reached its end.”

Now I know what you’re thinking, “Andrew, Iron Man 3 isn’t a Christmas movie”; however, according to Disney+ it is. Following the events of Marvel’s The Avengers (2012), Tony Stark struggles to come to grips with the fact that aliens invaded New York City. After he seems to lose his path in a battle with the film’s villain, the Mandarin, Stark attempts to put the pieces of his life back together, while trying to save the world.

Not only is this my favourite Marvel movie, but Iron Man is my favourite superhero because of his morals (Don’t know what I mean? Watch Avengers: Endgame!). This movie is a great way to break-up the usual festive movies that you will be watching at this time of year. To end off on a quote from the film: “You can take away my house, all my tricks and toys. One thing you can't take away . . . I am Iron Man.”

Decorating Disney Holiday Magic, 2017

Ending off the list is my favourite holiday special on Disney+. Hosted by Whoopi Goldberg, we see how the Disney parks have their Halloween decorations replaced with Christmas decorations overnight. The spectacle is not only amazing to watch, but it is incredible to see the amount of work that goes into it.

You thought decorating your house was hard? Wait until you see the thousands of people who come together to decorate parks across the globe as well as all of Disney’s resorts. Although the streaming service has only been out for just over a year now, watching this special during the holidays has become a tradition for me as I love to see all the decorations and the magic that Disney brings with everything that they do.

Bahar Orang
ANDY Editor

I remember when I was sixteen years old, I heard “I Kissed a Girl” on the radio for the first time. As I danced around my room, I felt confused. Katy Perry sings, “I kissed a girl and I liked it, I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it.” Katy’s voice was a little raspy, a little deep. It could potentially pass as a male’s voice. I tried to piece together this love triangle between the singer, the boyfriend, and the girl who had been kissed. I instinctively tried to neatly fit the song into a heteronormative storyline. I eventually gave up and thought, maybe I’m missing something. Maybe I’ve heard the lyrics wrong. Maybe it’s like that time I thought generic viagra cheap Wyclef was singing, “she make a man wanna see spandex” to Shakira, when he was actually singing, “she make a man wanna speak Spanish.”

Looking back now, well – what in the actual fuck? The fact that I had a very liberal family, that I was quite open-minded, that I hated when people said, “that’s so gay,” that I had gone to the Toronto pride parade since I was a little girl – none of this meant anything in that moment of truth when the song came on. I did not resist, nor was I even aware of, the sheer oppressiveness of heteronormative culture that still permeates pop music.

I can now recognize this grossly problematic oversight on my part, but I am no less confused about “I Kissed a Girl.”

On the one hand, it does offer something alternative to the love stories of mainstream music. Most of the he’s sing about the she’s and most of the she’s sing about the he’s. And even when people do covers of different songs, they’ll be thoroughly committed to every last note of the original song – except for those pesky pronouns. They’ll adjust them so that the he’s and the she’s still “match up.”

But the song describes an extremely sexualized encounter. It is sensual and erotic and focused entirely on her lips and her soft skin and her cherry chap stick. There is no depth, she even admits that she doesn’t know her name and it doesn’t even matter. She describes their kiss as wrong and naughty and dirty. Was this just Katy’s attempt to tantalize a male fantasy? Does this then just perpetuate the eroticization or exoticisation of queer relationships? Was it just an attention stunt on Katy’s part?

And yet – can we ignore or discount the broad and blurred spectrum of human sexuality? Maybe Katy simply does prefer a long-term relationship with her boyfriend, and just likes feeling up other girls. Should we deny her the right to feel this way and express this perspective? Is it helpful in a broader cultural context that eliminates, and subjugates queer identities? Or does the song just propagate stereotypes? And does it make any difference that the song is fun and catchy and I still like dancing around to it in my room?

And if we move away from the content of the lyrics – what about the singer? A white, presumably “straight,” Katy Perry playfully singing about a lesbian experience – is that okay?

And to that end – what position do I have in this discourse, as someone who has never kissed a girl – do I have any position at all?

This idea of who can speak for whom only gets more complicated as we move forwards a few years in the pop music timeline and think about Macklemore. I firmly believe that “Same Love” is a beautiful song and I find it more moving every time I listen to it, but it still begs the question: what does it mean to have three white people (Amy lambert, Macklemore, and Ryan Lewis) – two of whom are straight – be the voice and the rallying point of gay rights in hip-hop? Is it unfair that white people get mainstream recognition for talking about homophobia in hip-hop, when queer hip-hop artists of colour are routinely ignored? And all that being said, is it still nonetheless helpful that these ideas are actually present in the billboard charts?

Maybe all these things can be true at the same time. Maybe we can answer ‘yes’ to all these questions even when the answers directly contradict each other. Either way, I’m still waiting for a pop song that somehow manages to address all these issues.

Jason Woo
The Silhouette

Prism
Artist: Katy Perry

In any conversation about music, Top 40 is always the butt of the joke – it’s the genre that music lovers frown upon for viagra mastercard its banal lyrics and repetitiveness. People tend to forget that few artists have actually succeeded in the hard feat of crafting a perfect pop album.

Katy Perry’s 2010 album, Teenage Dream, was one such instance, sending five hits to the summit of the Billboard 100 and tying the record held by Michael Jackson’s Bad. Three years later, Perry has returned with Prism, and while lightning doesn’t strike twice, she does come close.

The album is packed with radio-friendly tracks that each seem to be a 90s sequel to a hit from Teenage Dream. “This is How We Do” is “Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)” 2.0, with the album’s best laugh-out-loud lyric (“sucking real bad at Mariah Carey-oke”). “Unconditionally” is a more mature “Teenage Dream.” The list goes on.

Perry, on top of the pop throne, doesn’t break any new ground sonically, but the Bollywood tinged “Legendary Lovers” and Hip-hop/Pop hybrid “Dark Horse” with Juicy J suggests she is still somewhat trying.

Perry’s highly publicized divorce from comedian Russell Brand makes its presence known in the back half of the album. The Lykke Li inspired ballads here are not particularly bad, just remarkably average. Nothing approaches her strongest vocal effort in “Thinking of You” from her mainstream debut One for the Boys.

Katy Perry has always been at her best with her inspirational and tongue-in-cheek party anthems, and in that sense, Prism still delivers.