Get lost in the weird side of YouTube
It’s 1 a.m. and you are far from finishing that daunting essay or writing out those endless study notes. You gaze longingly at your computer and wander to the realms of advertisement-laden music videos and questionable animal clips: YouTube. You turn on your favourite song or watch a weird cat video, the same thing you do at every half hour interval of studying. But why not make tonight different from every night? Why not drift away from the norm of Illuminati-esque Kesha videos and “Sloth crossing the road”? Why not get lost in the weird artsy side of YouTube? Embrace your inner hipster and follow the yellow brick road of quirky and Instagram filtered music videos. You’ll find overly poetic lyrics, camera panning in open fields, and attractive Caucasian couples in matching chambray shirts. The artsy side of YouTube will make you want to cry, smile and love someone. It’s the perfect kick-start to a relaxing and inspiring study break. If you’re unsure of where to start, try “Bloom” by Paper Kites - it’s a gateway to beautiful yuppie madness.
Make an Elaborate Snack
Your hand is cramping and your stomach is grumbling. It’s been a few hours since your last meal, and you’re in need of a little snackaroo. Scavenge through your fridge and pull together ingredients for an elaborate snack. Set aside 20 minutes for a prolonged study break, and head over to the kitchen for the adventure of a lifetime… snack time. Grab your favourite tasty carbohydrate, a cheese of your choice, and salt and pepper to taste. Throw them together and put them to broil, and BAM! Before you know it, you’re Rachel Ray. If you really want to get elaborate with this snack, check out B11 for some fun Christmas dessert ideas and go to town on sugar-covered shortbread balls and jam filled cookie sandwiches. Or, if you don’t feel like baking at all and would rather enjoy a very quick and still delicious dessert, go to town on a pack of uncooked Pilsbury cookie dough.
Make an Origami Cat… Cat Head
Are you a pet owner? Do you enjoy the comforting presence of a furry animal by your side? Even if you don’t, try these simple origami instructions that will allow you to fold your way to animal wonder.
Step 1: Cut a square piece of paper
Step 2: Fold the square diagonally into a clean triangle
Step 3: Fold the left triangle edge upwards leaving a small amount of space between the topmost triangle and the new triangle that has been formed from the left edge
Step 4: Repeat Step 3 with the right edge
Step 5: Fold the pointed ends of the right and left sides inwards to create straight edges along each side
Step 6: Fold the top most triangle downwards to create another straight edge
Step 7: Flip your cat head over and add a face/details of your choice
Call a toll free number (that’s NOT Kid’s Help Phone)
Everyday, hundreds of people go to work to man the landlines of toll free numbers everywhere. Their lives are burdened with the mundane task of repeatedly answering and ending boring, customer service-related calls. Give these people something to get excited about at work and give those toll free numbers a call! Ask Jenny Craig (1-800-JENNY20) if you really will “feel like you, feel like new.” Call up the number on the back of a candy wrapper and ask the makers of Aero chocolate how you can better feel the bubbles melt. Or even spend a good 15 minutes trolling the Shopping Channel and demand to know details about products you have no intentions of ever purchasing. Telemarketers need you, your study habits need you, and I need you. Make someone smile and give those toll free numbers a call.
Plan an end of exam party
Pass the time of your study breaks by thinking about what you’ll do when you finally do have some free time. Confucius says: Celebrating with your chums and having a laugh and a half with the people you care about is in your near future.
Choose a colour scheme, pick a location and set the date. During your exam study breaks, you can plan an end of exam party. [Your Address Here]’s Christmas Keggar. It’s coming soon to a student house near you.
Listen to podcasts
There is a largely untapped vein of iTunes called Free Podcasts. Educators, entertainers and - the best of both worlds – edutainers run rampant in this mystical place. Arguably better than youtube videos, because it allows you to otherwise occupy yourself while listening (like by making an elaborate snack). A few suggestions to put you on the right “track:”
My Brother, My Brother and Me – An advice show hosted by three brothers, answering any questions listeners may have. 50ish minutes every week.
This American Life – Mishmash of human-interest stories. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, once a week for an hour.
The SHEC Show – The Student Health Education Centre’s radio show has a different theme every week, and sometimes features guests like Danielle, a Hamilton dominatrix. Listen 30 minutes in the day to help you at night.
Watch documentaries
Documentaries are a special type of procrastination, because the educational value deceives you into feeling like you’re spending your time productively. And hey, who are we to tell you you’re wrong? Sites like TopDocumentaryFilms.com and DocumentaryHeaven.com offer documentaries online for free, like:
-The Great Sperm Race – An oddly amusing and interesting depiction of a sperm’s journey to an egg, portrayed by men and women running towards a mountain. Less weird than it sounds.
-Killing Us Softly 4 – The latest installment in the Killing Us Softly series, the creator continues to explore the portrayal of women in the media, particularly advertising. At times rather shocking.
-Any documentary about mental illness from before the new millennium – They’re so crazy. The documentaries, I mean.
Learn a party trick
Everybody needs a party trick. Drinking until you pass out isn’t as entertaining as you might think, so it’s good to have something else to do. Ideally, everyone should know how to slice open a champagne bottle with a saber, but there are alternatives:
-Rubick’s cube – Learn how to do it in less than a minute. Be certain to procure a stick with which to defend yourself from the ensuing mobs of suitors.
-Juggling – No less than three. No one expects you to do more, but if you can juggle things like fruit or empty mickies, that’ll do.
-Dance moves – Preferably from this decade, but no one’s picky. Change that light bulb all you want.
Learn to swear in another language
Nothing cooler than being polylingual. And at exam time, you’ll want a variety of ways in which to express your frustration. Here’s a handy guide to get you started, with an approximate guide to their meaning in English:
Croatian
Idi u kurac = Go to hell
Ja cu popizdit = I'm going to go crazy/freak out
Ukranian
Hamno = Shit
Blyat = Son of a bitch
Polish
Holera/Cholera = Damn it all
Kurwa Mać = Fuck everything
Farsi/Persian
Kiri = Shitty (in a more crass way)
Kooft = Bullshit (literally translates to syphilis)
French
Merde = Shit
Trou de cus = Asshole
Maudit = Damn
Greek
Malaka= Idiot
Albanian
Mut!= Shit!
German
“Sheisse”= Shit
Schade= Dammit
Read the Sil
Well, it seems you already are. Turn the page to try your hand at Sudoku and a crossword, or to B11 for a recipe!
