Life isn’t black and white, so our relationship status shouldn't be either
By Ardena Bašić, SATSC Contributor
We often define our relationship status in terms of a binary: we are either with another person or not. In other words, we can only ever be "taken" or "single".
Like most things in our lives, it cannot be that simple. An intuitive and modern example would be "situationships," where there is no clear line between being single or taken. Yet, I argue that we need to expand beyond this simplified approach. Instead of determining our status based on our ties to others, we should look at it as a focus on our internal or external environment.
In any relationship, there needs to be time to learn about the other person, their different signals and gestures, those little nuances that help you really understand a person. Consequently, when in a relationship, our minds become so focused on analyzing our external environment that we forget to look at our internal relationship with ourselves. As such, many psychologists argue that — while we are busy dating others — we often forget to date ourselves.
Consequently, when in a relationship, our minds become so focused on analyzing our external environment that we forget to look at our internal relationship with ourselves.
As a result, many individuals perceive being single as a time to work on themselves as our focus shifts to something different from the labels of “taken” or “single”. This is a time to look at things like further education, going to the gym more and pursuing hobbies with or without others around. When there isn’t a major distraction — in this case a major relationship to work on — there is more time for these pursuits and the associated self-discovery.
In days of agile relationships based on instant gratification, not defining oneself as single or taken stands out as an outlier — especially in the younger generation when it is the "norm" to define oneself with these labels. However, this new perspective of clear markers puts a more positive spin on working on your relationship with yourself in lieu of seeing oneself as lesser or incomplete without a significant other. After all, if relationships are to add to our overall spirit and not just fill a missing piece, we need to know ourselves enough to find the best energy to complement our own.
After all, if relationships are to add to our overall spirit and not just fill a missing piece, we need to know ourselves enough to find the best energy to complement our own.
So, in conversation, one can say their focus leans more towards external or internal relationships to replace the terms “taken” or “single”. This idea takes away the daunting label that is associated with being alone and instead posits it in a way that focuses on growth and development: the epitome of supporting oneself.
It should be noted that this is not another binary, but instead a continuum with no real "zero" value. Even in strong relationships, we must care for ourselves and equally, when considering our own self-reflection, we must consider our most important relationships. Similarly, we also have to consider our most important relationships when considering our own self-reflection. Life isn’t black and white, so our relationship status should not be either.
Life isn’t black and white, so our relationship status should not be either.
Overall, we should refuse to position ourselves in binaries simply for the sake of societal expectations. This idea applies in every area of life, but especially when it is connected to our own self-worth and development. As we move forward and our priorities change, we can name our relationship status a movement along a continuum instead of a jump between left and right.
[Best_Wordpress_Gallery id="233" gal_title="Love in Maroon 1"]
When Rachel Woock was in her first year at McMaster, she immediately fell for Matt Quiring. The tall blonde basketball player was on her mind for quite some time but like most men, Quiring was too oblivious to notice. Putting her feelings aside, the two remained friends for a while until a falling out stopped them from speaking to each other for a month. It was not until the men’s volleyball North American Challenge last year that they broke their silence and put aside their differences. A month later the two started dating and the pair has been inseparable ever since. Part of what makes them work as a couple is being student-athletes. Being able to understand where the other is coming from because they both play a sport where such a strong team component has been key in their relationship. Another thing that has kept them together is their faith. As Christians, figuring out that they were on the same level spiritually has been really encouraging for the couple. When asked what advice they would give other student-athletes in relationships, they encourage them to be vulnerable. Frustrated after a loss? Let the other know, so it does not affect your relationship. Accepting who the other is but also being willing to change as they grow, is all part of what makes this couple work.
[Best_Wordpress_Gallery id="231" gal_title="Love in Maroon 2"]
Starting off as friends in their first year, Steph Roberts and Anthony Bontorin would always see each other on residence, at the gym and around campus. It was during the summer of second year when the two both stayed in Hamilton that they began to hang out more seriously and eventually became official. The two bonded over their sports and being able to understand each other's schedules as student-athletes. Although Bontorin suffered from an injury that has prevented him from playing, he is still a huge part of the men’s football team and is often just as busy as Roberts. Despite their schedules, the two make time for each other and support one another. Roberts even credits Bontorin’s role in supporting her during her breakout year a big part of her success. Being with someone who knows exactly what being a student-athlete entails is something the couple cherishes. With sports being a year-long and time-consuming commitment, both Bontorin and Roberts are happy they have found each other in the process.
[Best_Wordpress_Gallery id="229" gal_title="Love in Maroon 3"]
The first time Jay Anyimadu and Krystal Henry-Mathieu met each other, they were both Marauders receiving treatment after getting injured playing their sport. They saw each other for three weeks while at treatment, but that was all. Fast-forward to last year, when Henry-Mathieu replied to Anyimadu’s Instagram story, he kept the conversation going and they soon realized how much they had in common. The two no longer played for the school, as Henry-Mathieu had a career-ending injury and Anyimadu had moved on the Junior Canadian Football League, but their student-athlete mindset remained the same. Although she is retired, Henry-Mathieu was one of the few people who he could relate to. This past fall during his first season with the Junior CFL, Anyimadu was named Defensive All-Canadian and his team, the Hamilton Hurricanes, were named the Ontario champions. Through it all, Henry-Mathieu was right by his side cheering him on, even when it was cold, because not only does she love the sport, but the things that make him happy, make her happy.
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