Rick Kanary
The Silhouette

(with a little help from http://www.loveandlaundry.com)

Having previously covered the nitty-gritty details of successfully executing the ‘Turkey Dump’, here at the Sil we felt it necessary to consider the other side of the coin and address the possible casualties.  If you managed to ditch some unwanted baggage, well done.  If you were a survivor of the infamous devastation caused by this ominous relationship bomb, then kudos to you.  If, however, you are one of this season’s haunted cling-ons, our sympathy, and the following recipe, goes out to you.

Bacon is my hero. It solves world issues by distracting us long enough to forget they exist. Chocolate is bacon’s sultry mistress. If bacon is a rough-around-the-edges, down-home, Benicio Del Toro type, then chocolate is Catherine Zeta-Jones.  You know what they say, opposites attract.

Throw some maple syrup in there for patriotic good vibes and comfort, and bingo- you have a recipe that can cure the deepest wounds.

Make these cupcakes in giant batches.  Trust me.

Chocolate Bacon Cupcakes with Maple Buttercream Frosting

makes 36 cupcakes

Cupcake Ingredients:

3/4 C cocoa powder
3/4 C hot water
1/4 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
3 C all-purpose flour
1 1/2 C butter, room temperature
2 1/4 C sugar
4 eggs
1 Tbsp vanilla extract
1 cup sour cream
1 1b bacon, cooked and crumbled (set aside about 1/3-1/2 c for topping)

Frosting Ingredients:
(if you are piping the frosting, I recommend doubling the batch)
1 cup of butter, room temperature
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp maple flavoring
1 lbs powdered sugar
1/3 c maple syrup
2 Tbsp milk
225 mg Prozac (optional)

Cupcake Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350 and line cupcake tin with beautiful liners (cause we all know that the liner makes the cupcake taste better. Am I right?).

Mix the hot water and the cocoa powder together with a fork and set aside. Meanwhile, mix or sift the dry ingredients together. In a mixer, combine the butter and sugar. Mix until the butter is light and fluffy - I usually go a full five minutes! Add the eggs one at a time. Then add the cocoa/water mixture and vanilla. Mix really well. Next add a little bit of flour, mix. Then, a little sour cream and mix. Basically, what you want to do is add flour, sour cream, flour, sour cream, flour. Mix just until combined between each addition. Finally, add your bacon crumbles (except for the part set aside for topping).

From experience, don't fill the cupcakes more than 3/4 full. They turn out the perfect height at 3/4 full.

Bake at 350 for 20 minutes or until they are done. Let them cool completely before frosting.

Frosting Directions:

In your mixer, mix the butter for about 5 minutes - or until light and fluffy. Then add the maple syrup, vanilla extract and maple flavoring. Mix really well. It takes a minute for the ingredients to incorporate into the butter. Slowly add the powdered sugar. Mix the powdered sugar in really well. Once it's nice and fluffy, add the milk and combine well.

Try not to eat all of them. They are pretty darn good!

In order for the Prozac to be a little surprise boost, it is important to disguise it.  Using a mortar and pestle (you know, that old-school alchemist’s tool where you crush herbs and stuff) crush the Prozac into powder.  You can sprinkle it in batter mixture, but I find it tends to get bitter in high temperatures and is less noticeable if mixed into the sweet icing.  Feel free to double or triple the volume, depending on just how badly you were jettisoned into the cultural wasteland that is now your life….I mean…depending on how you feel….

See more at: http://www.loveandlaundry.com/

I can’t think of a series of words that’s much more ignorant than “global bacon shortage.”

But there it was, all over Tuesday’s news. Britain’s National Pig Association (even our Speculator editors would have a hard time making this stuff up) had announced findings that a decrease in the supply of bacon and other pork products was coming. Prices were going to rise.

Bear with me: I’ve been a vegetarian for about a year and half. I grew up eating meat, and not a week goes by where I don’t yearn for a chicken wing. But I’m invested now, and I’ve put in enough time to work up a little righteous rage over this stuff.

Truth is, we’ve had a global shortage of meat products for years. But producers have made up for it through systemic animal cruelty and serious environmental degradation.

All so we can make bacon weaves when Epic Meal Time comes to campus.

Bacon should be expensive. We should be eating less of it. The fact that supply will no longer be able to meet the demand of our meat-loving culture should not concern us like other problems of the free market do.

Now, who wants to come over for quinoa salad?