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Summer is approaching fast, and that means it’s either time to bring the dusty old razor out again, or leave your body hair as it is. Judgemental looks from other women or raised eyebrows from men are bound to make an appearance along with hairy legs. Women are expected to be hairless everywhere aside from the tops of their heads. It feels like the only alternative is to let everything go au natural, and be fiercely proud about it. I’ve got a third option: why don’t we stop caring entirely about other people’s body hair? Shaming someone for the way they manage their body hair says a lot more about the shamer than the shamed.
I have a lot of hair. I’ve been told that I have been blessed with a thick head of hair and should be thankful. While I am quite grateful, what my admirers tend to overlook is that when you have thick hair on your head, you probably have it everywhere else too. I’m not a fan, so I do what many other girls do and shave or wax it — as is my choice. Still, like many others, I remember a not-so-fond memory of being teased for having to shave back in elementary school. It had an impact on me.
Body hair shaming is entirely socially constructed. We teach our daughters from a young age that they need to get rid of their body hair. Just as we wouldn’t force a woman to wear make-up against her will, we shouldn’t be forcing women to remove or keep their body hair.
I was a victim of the body hair double standard: make sure it’s beautiful atop your head, but pretend it never exists anywhere else. I’m not sure who came up with the absurd notion that women are magically endowed with hairlessness, but I’ve got news for you: most human beings have some form of embarrassing and inconvenient hair somewhere on their bodies. Why is our head-hair considered so much more acceptable and attractive than our leg hair?
I was a victim of the body hair double standard: Make sure it’s beautiful atop your head, but pretend it never exists anywhere else.
The way you treat other people based on their body hair can have a very serious impact on how they feel about their bodies. This is not a decision to be made by anyone other than the owner of said body hair. It’s a matter of respecting people’s choices and allowing them to make their own decisions. When people are unhappy with their bodies, they make an effort to change them. Similarly, if a woman is unhappy with their body hair, then who are we to make statements about how much of a feminist she is based on her choices? No matter how feminist your politics, you do not have the right to tell a woman what she does with her body. We need to quit the body hair shaming and let women choose whether they want to love it or lose it.
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I found out over reading week that one of my distant cousins died. This, coupled with the death of two grandparents in the span of a year, has led to my first mortality crisis. “One day,” I said to myself, “you will die.”
Here’s the thing; I’ve been worried about growing old for a much longer time than I’ve been worried about what follows it. I wasn’t even particularly worried about a decline in quality of life with age (which has now arrived with Mortality Crisis 1.0). Instead, I’ve been worried — as long as I can remember — that one day I would no longer be a physically attractive woman. The scariest part? My fears are not unique.
Why are we so scared of growing old? Stylist speaks to 5 women over 60 to see how they feel https://t.co/CtaR85nMfr pic.twitter.com/AFCmKcQx9Z
— Stylist Magazine (@StylistMagazine) November 12, 2015
Every woman I’ve talked to about the topic has expressed worry about what will happen to her body. Whether it be stretch marks, or frown lines, or less-than-perky breasts, I have yet to find a woman who is entirely comfortable with the future of her physique. I wish that I could dismiss my own fears as irrational, or label them as an individual case of vanity and move on, but as this seems to be a pandemic, that is clearly not the case. Where do our fears come from?
The depressingly obvious answer is that we are told that our value is in our appearance. From a very young age, everything in my world said that I am most important when I am young and pretty. Even seemingly small things like compliments to my appearance before my intellect all contributed to one message in my young, impressionable mind: being beautiful is the key to success. Every warning of spinsterhood told me something else: never get old.
Notably, the television I watched growing up dictated where I was to fit in this world. Every fictional female character I admired was a young, white, love interest, and in need of male assistance. They were never anything less than flawless in appearance, and none of them were over the age of 25. Mothers were conveniently wrinkle free, and the only older women I saw in Disney movies were either helpless or villains. It is hard to picture yourself as living happily to a ripe old age when you cannot find an example in your pop culture repertoire of a woman doing so, and god forbid we think about having a happy sex life past the age of 30. The message was clear; you are valuable for your youth, and when you get old you disappear, you stop existing.
Every warning of spinsterhood told me something else: never get old.
Fear of old age is hardly an exclusively female phenomenon, yet while I listen to my male friends complain about pattern baldness or a loss of muscle tone, I can’t help but see their complaints as part of an entirely different class of anxiety. It is much easier to handle the impact of ageing when you haven’t been programmed to see your appearance as your entire worth. When ageing actors like Sylvester Stallone and George Clooney are not only still valued for their contributions on screen, but are paired with twenty-somethings as love interests.
So what can we do? Firstly, cut your body some slack. You are not going to have the same butt that you had when you were 17 for the rest of your life, and that is alright. It is natural for bodies to change with time. Your body will not be better or worse, just different. Appreciating yourself as you are currently is an excellent way to accept what may come. Solidarity is also important. We need to build communities and networks with which to support ourselves and others throughout different phases of our lives. Without the ones I love, Mortality Crisis 1.0 would have paralyzed me. Instead, despite struggling with my future, I feel as though one day I might be able to embrace it.
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By: Allison Mizzi/ SHEC
In early February, Modern Family actress Ariel Winter shocked the world by attending the Screen Actors Guild awards with visible breast reduction scars peaking out from her dress. Headlines read “Ariel Winter not ashamed of her scars?” and “Winter shows scarred chest from breast reduction.” Fans and critics alike were quick to judge and pick at her so-called imperfections, but the teenager took to Twitter, stating, “There is a reason I didn't make an effort to cover up my scars! They are part of me and I'm not ashamed of them at all.” Her words showcase her comfort with her choice and the result of this procedure.
Guys there is a reason I didn't make an effort to cover up my scars! They are part of me and I'm not ashamed of them at all. 🙂
— Ariel Winter (@arielwinter1) January 31, 2016
In a society increasingly obsessed with perfection in beauty and body, Winter’s words are refreshing. Contrary to popular belief, reduction mammoplasty — also known as breast reduction surgery — is a common procedure. Thousands of women are predisposed to develop enlarged breasts, while others develop them post-partum or from weight gain. The heavy chest weight can cause chronic pain in areas of the head, neck, shoulders and back and contribute to other health problems like poor blood circulation, impaired breathing and chafing of the skin. Large chests can also hamper athletic and exercise activities and may inhibit women from leading an active lifestyle. In addition to the physical consequences, self consciousness and unwanted attention can provoke anxiety in public or social settings, and women often suffer from low self-esteem and body image issues as a result of their breast-size. It is clear that large breast size can impact mental health and quality of life.
Breast reduction surgery removes excess breast tissue and fat, remodels the breast mound and trims and re-drapes the skin to encase the newly sized breast. The procedure is taxing, typically lasting three to six hours, and produces surgical scars either under the breast or around the nipple. The recovery period usually lasts one to two months, however, body image and satisfaction effects are often immediate. Winter’s comment rings true for many: “It was an instant weight lifted off my chest — both literally and figuratively … There's a confidence you find when you finally feel right in your body.”
Thank you all so much for the support, kind words, and happy birthdays! <3
— Ariel Winter (@arielwinter1) January 31, 2016
Stories of breast reduction surgery bring up important issues about how we view and judge female bodies. Ironically, before her surgery, Winter was often criticized for dressing in a way that was too “mature,” as a result of her large breasts. Unsurprisingly, after breast reduction, media sources found another way to target her body.
Moreover, scars shouldn’t be shocking or a matter of public scrutiny. Most of us have these intimate imperfections, which represent a story and hold pain, bravery and courage among other memories and emotions.
Lastly, the public’s opinion on choices made for personal, appearance or health-related reasons is not valid. Breast reduction is a personal choice, one that should be made in consultation with physicians alone. By expressing confidence in body-related choices, and speaking out against body-shaming, celebrities like Winter have the power to empower others to treat all bodies with positivity and respect.
Photo Credit: Getty
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By: Sonia Leung
Last week Essena O’Neill made waves by condemning social media. The young model deleted most of the photos on her Instagram account and changed the caption of those that remained to reveal the arduous process required to create the seemingly effortless posts. While many have heralded Essena’s move as a bold statement about social media, she has drawn fire from other social media celebrities, who cast doubt on her intentions (Essena created a website/online store that is supposed to be inclusive) and defended social media. Most notably, critics argued that social media was not to blame for Essena’s predicament, rather it was her own weakness of character.
When Essena O’Neill first felt the pressures of social media she was 12 years old. Six years later, she had amassed over half a million followers on Instagram while still considered a minor.
To hold a minor to the same standards as adults similarly navigating social media for commercial purposes creates a discrepancy through unjustified isolation. Critical responses to Essena giving up social media equated social media to a sandbox where everyone plays together. In such rebuttals, the common theme likened communications technology and social media to tools — poor results would only come about if the user of such a tool fails to use it well.
There is more to this story than the relationship between technology and its user; O’Neill was a young girl who walked into a network of existing businesses benefiting from a system they put in place. The basis of the business model used by virtual ventures like Facebook and Instagram involves the engagement between the user and their platform — we become the eyes for their advertising. Regardless of how well versed she may have become in marketing techniques, O’Neill entered the industry under the universal pressures youth face to find validation among their peers, never having undertaken paid work, to be offered compensation in return for her search for approval.
In this advent of the digital era, who can honestly say they have never felt a “like” or “favourite” as something that transcends the screen? This instantaneous feeling of validation became all consuming for O’Neill, but this is not an isolated case of a user abusing their access to social media. This is symptomatic of a greater cultural ailment to seek societal approval, an idea itself that is packaged and sold particularly to susceptible youth. Like O’Neill says, “Everyone wants to feel valued and love.” This penchant for acceptance becomes maladaptive when we quantify it with “likes” on Facebook or Instagram, or when we enter into a contest against an unrealistic standard we hope to upkeep to maintain that quantification.
But who sells us these unrealistic standards? Who is behind the idea of a perfect life that O’Neill and so many other Instagram models and YouTubers strive to embody? These are questions that reinforce the importance of understanding that a system is in place entrapping people like O’Neill into thinking they are selling something when they are just another customer buying into a pre-packaged, Valencia-filtered idea of happiness. It’s a terrifyingly effective means of mass distribution, this commercialized pursuit of happiness. At some point in the case of O’Neill, her universal desire for validation and acceptance became exploited and instead of using social media as a tool, she became a tool in the toolbox of corporations — something she would not understand until it had taken an emotional toll.
Flip the coin. Clearly, O’Neill has realized the artificial nature of virtual validation — what remains unclear is how long she has known this, and whether she is being sincere in her intentions. There are few things that media loves more than a pretty face, and they include controversy and a redemption story. O’Neill has come to represent the subversion of an idea that, as a collective, we love to envy and equally love to hate. In her refusal of the “perfect life” she once lived, those half million Instagram followers and so many others can validate their suspicions around an idea they subscribed to that seemed too good to be true and reassure themselves about their own lives that might not be considered up to par.
This too, is an excellent business model, and while O’Neill entered into the industry as a child, she is now a businesswoman in her own right.
"I know you didn't come into this world just wanting to fit in and get by,” she writes. "You are reading this now because you are a game changer.” I can’t help but be cognizant of how much this sounds like a pitch when coupled with the new website she’s launched, letsbegamechangers.com. Is social awareness the next product to be sold under the pretense of authenticity with pre-determined parameters?
What O’Neill seems to be doing, consciously or unconsciously, is reinforcing a general trend of social activism reduced to a bandwagon that has too much to do with personal morality and loses sight of the issues at heart. She is repackaging self-worth with social awareness and redefining her image without unpacking her implication in the system. At the core of it, not much has changed. She was the “cool girl” selling the “cool life”. By becoming the new face of authenticity, she is still the “cool girl” selling the “cool life.”
Which narrative do you and I believe: a genuine and exploited girl exposing a corrupt industry, or a young business woman who knows that even artificial sincerity tastes sweeter after a lie? And what does that say about us?
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By: Sonia Leung
“Five colours to wear this fall!” “Biggest trend of the season!” These headlines (and their variations) make their way around the fashion magazine circuit year-round. Magazines and similar media are quick to prescribe a trend to track, a culture to associate yourself with, and rules to abide by.
There is nothing wrong with these trends or adhering to a culture of following fashion guidelines. After all, they only become widespread as more and more people appreciate the proposed aesthetic. At the same time, there is nothing wrong with pushing boundaries, testing the waters and seeing what works for you even if this may means you’re the only one swimming against the current. As much as I love seeing the analogous colours of autumn as fall trends make their way into the fashion zeitgeist, other colours need some love too.
If you are a utilitarian, kudos to your practicality! But if you are like me, clothing possesses a dual purpose — it is an outward expression of your inner reality. For me, attire is a mood ring of sorts, an in-a-nutshell approximation of the uniquely intricate properties that make you, you (or of the thoughts and emotions that morning when you got dressed up.)
If I wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy, I’m likely to be sporting a vibrant colour or bold print. On a dull uneventful day of hiding under readings and paperwork, I may be spotted with a more demure ensemble to reflect my state of hiding. When a day rolls around where I don’t feel as conversational as I usually do, I may wear a purple or black lipstick. If I find myself hankering to wear a colder-coloured lip gloss but still come off as inviting and approachable, I consciously smile more and adjust my body language to appear more open to counter the bold choice of makeup.
In a world where advertising is ubiquitous and there are constantly messages competing for your attention, we are conditioned to make split second judgments on what we see. Like it or not, this is the paradigm in which we live. We are required to form impressions quickly; we judge books by their covers. Of course, there are intellectually stimulating books with uninviting covers and vice versa. Covers aren’t always a fair preamble to the content lying thereafter, but in an ideal world, they would be.
Every action is a message. The absence of actions is also a message. Your attire and the way you carry yourself is a message and first impressions matter. Whether the messages you send are intentional or not, they are undeniably received by your peers. The way you present yourself may affect how others are primed to expect, think of, and interact with you.
Your appearance is not a testament of your character or personality just as covers are not a good measure of how fascinating a book is, but a book with a cover composed with care and intention would definitely invite more readers to read it.
Be bold, try a new colour, and redesign your cover.
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By: Danielle Collado
I often find myself faced with the internal battle of whether or not to wear makeup on a daily basis. For the most part, I take the time to apply my everyday look. Days when I’m tired or in too much of a rush to do my makeup I fear that I’ll be judged for not caring about what I look like. Why is it that if we go a day without looking the way people are used to seeing us, unwanted comments are almost inevitable?
“You look tired.”
“Are you sick?”
We’ve all been victims to the subtle shaming of a makeup-less face. But as often as women are shamed for not wearing makeup, we are also shamed when we become dependent on it.
TV ads featuring the best looking celebrities have always taught us that we need makeup to be as beautiful as them. For some reason, a woman is only powerful and desirable if she looks put together. The way she achieves this is through her perfect eyebrows and the right shade of lipstick. Studies have shown that women who wear a considerable amount of makeup are always taken more seriously than those who opt for a more natural look.
A New York Times article from 2011 entitled “Up the Career Ladder, Lipstick in Hand” states that makeup makes women appear more competent and amicable. According to the article, makeup can also increase people’s perceptions of a woman’s likability and trustworthiness. If makeup can enhance these valuable workplace traits, is whether or not we choose to wear it really our choice? In 2014, an article from the Huffington Post called “Makeup Is Not A Prerequisite For Success” challenged the notion that makeup is necessary for workplace professionalism. Sally McGraw argued that there are no laws stating that women must wear makeup in the work-place, and that there are other ways to look professional without makeup. Although these articles represent completely different opinions of makeup in the workplace, both contribute to the manipulation of what women should consider the “right” way of thinking.
Women are shamed regardless of whether or not they wear makeup. An example of this is the recent social media trend featuring a woman’s before and after makeup pictures with the caption “Girls, stop lying to us.” This form of shaming a woman for wearing makeup is particularly hurtful because it targets what she looks like without makeup, while simultaneously shaming her for altering her natural appearance. It is the perfect example of how society convinces us that we aren’t good enough regardless of what we do. Even celebrities are victimized as soon as they are spotted without makeup in public. “Demi Lovato leaves the gym looking like a mess” is considered a worthy piece of news in modern media, because breaking the illusion that celebrities always look like they are red-carpet ready is somehow frowned upon.
While society is busy looking for ways to tell women what they should and shouldn’t do with their appearance, they’re failing to remember one very important thing a woman has complete control over her decisions. Although makeup is something that has become normalized, opinions regarding how or when a woman should wear it are unwanted and unnecessary. Women do not need makeup to feel beautiful, but there’s no doubt that we will continue to wear it, and we shouldn’t be shamed for that choice.
Photo Credit: Dominique Godbout
Julia Busatto
The Silhouette
The new academic year allows for plenty of opportunity to meet new people. And the truth is, as the school year moves into full swing, so does our libido. This conscious state of searching for sex, to be frank, is acceptable. It is our natural tendency to look for those who could be future sexual partners.
However, our approach to this is often questionable.
“Are they hot?” is the most common question I hear my friends, peers, and classmates ask before they encounter someone whom they could be interested in. Often my housemates will be talking about their boyfriend’s friends, or the neighbors, or guys who the rest of us are unfamiliar with, and someone will utter those three dangerous words.
It may seem like a reasonable question, and in many ways it is. Our first initial impression of someone stems from his or her appearance. We decide based on that impression how we will proceed with that person. But this question also has flaws, issues, and holes.
First and foremost, our friends’ views on who we find good-looking are not necessarily in line with our own.
Many times others have questioned the men I’ve drooled over (and for a few, I can’t say I blame them). The point being, you may think someone is absolutely gorgeous but your friends think you’ve lost your mind. They don’t like the facial hair, or the hockey flow, or the bridge of her nose. I’ve heard girls say, “there’s just something about his face that turns me off”, and guys “she’s like a 6, decent looking, I’d go for that”.
Obviously there are basic characteristics that make someone good looking, but a lot of attraction is based on one’s interpretation of beauty. By asking your friends if someone is hot prior to meeting them, you are unknowingly letting their opinions influence your perception of that person.
A second problem with this hotness meter: “the deceiver”. You know the really good-looking person with the terribly high-pitched voice, or that guy you see lifting at the gym who can’t seem to grasp basic addition.
Personality types are crucial to how attractive someone is and can be. “Looks aren’t everything” is a cliché for a reason. Generally speaking, if someone is funny, confident, and outgoing you may be attracted to him or her regardless of his or her physical appearance. Even those with attractive possessions, hobbies and personas can draw you in more than someone who’s considered good-looking. How one carries themselves plays a giant role in the laws of attraction.
So the next time someone asks you to paint a picture of someone they are about to meet, consider telling them about who that person actually is. Because even having the right lighting and angle on a Facebook picture can’t change a person’s personality.
