I’m not the kind of person who particularly enjoys navigating my way through sweaty crowds in order to have a conversation consisting of yelling into each other’s ears, struggling to be heard over the music. Despite this, it seems that the majority of my mating rituals, as a semi-new lesbian, have been reduced to exactly this. Since realizing that women are more my speed, I’ve had to sacrifice the cute romantic hypotheticals that never seemed too impossible in the “straight” world.
I bump into someone at the grocery store and proceed to have a conversation about our favourite snacks. Is she smiling at me because she likes me or because she thinks she’s made a new friend? “Yeah, I’m really into baking. I bake for my boyfriend all the time.” And there it is.
Flirting becomes this tentative game of “Is She, Isn’t She?” where I try to guess a girl’s sexuality by these unquantifiable characteristics that allows one to give off a gay “vibe”. Chance encounters become set-ups and profile stalking, while spontaneity becomes uncertainty.
You may not have a funny story to tell your kids about how you met and you may have to risk a lot of “sorry, I’m not gay” before you hear “sure, I’d love to go out sometime” but this isn’t to say that the girl you bump into in the grocery store won’t bat for your team or that you should be wary canadian online pharmacy of approaching a girl for fear that she isn’t into girls. But in my opinion, dating as a lesbian is a lot harder than dating as a heterosexual.
Tired of trying to craft the perfect message on PlentyOfFish or OKCupid, I sought out this year to meet someone in the real world, outside of sweaty nightclubs. It was then that I realized I had absolutely zero queer friends and that if I was going to meet any romantic interests on campus, I had to make some queer or queer-friendly friends. The first place I thought to start was McMaster Queer Students Community Center, located on the 2nd floor of the Student Center. My advice to all you newly out queer folk is to get involved with the QSCC. They have a lot of events, are very welcoming and you can meet lots of new queer friends and allies. Their annual Pride Week, which is happening this year on Nov. 4-8, is a great way to meet other people. Go out to the drag show and perform, or sing along to the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Once you’ve found your new friends, you could ask them to set you up. Just be wary of the traps that can happen if your friends are straight. My friends mean well, but once in a while I get the “oh my goodness, you two would totally hit it off” while talking about a girl that I have nothing in common with. Sometimes friends fail to remember that liking the same sex doesn’t make you a match.
For the shy and socially awkward, online dating might actually be your preferred source of dating. It gives you a chance to construct the perfect message, backspacing and proofreading until you have the perfect amount of nonchalant while still taking an interest. PlentyOfFish and OKCupid are the two biggest dating sites out there for our age group.
If all else fails, try a LGBT* club/bar, or one that hosts lesbian nights. It may not be an ideal place to meet someone and make genuine connections but there’s something comforting about knowing that the majority of people with you, are gay too.
Like any relationship, finding someone takes patience and confidence. Join things that interest you and maybe along the way, you’ll find the right someone. It may be slightly harder, but it’s not impossible. Try not to give up on those romantic ideas that you may have. The girl next door may be bisexual, that girl at the coffee shop may have a girlfriend, and the girl in your class may be lesbian and interested, but the most important thing is to put yourself out there.