Everything's okay; I'm just not happy
Shamudi Gunasekera
The Silhouette
“It’s okay. Everything’s fine.”
Those words have come out of me more times than I can count. And more often than not, I was not fine. Behind the sentences of calm and reassurance was a desire that I didn’t want anyone to know how I felt. I had a million reasons. I didn’t want to ruin the mood. I didn’t want to be pitied. I didn’t want to draw any attention to myself.
Because no matter the reason, they’d tell me to move on and be happy.
Often it is said in gentler, more thoughtful ways. But the idea remains the same - if you want to be happy, then be happy. Simple as that, right?
Wrong. Happiness isn’t a matter of choice.
Like the advice, I’ve heard these words echo around me one too many times. By saying that happiness is purely self-selected, it is as if people are suggesting that one chooses to be sad as well.
Maybe all that some people need when they’re feeling down is to remind themselves that they don’t need to feel the way that they do. Maybe it works. And maybe some people are simply better at handling tricky situations than others.
But then there are others, myself included, for whom it is a struggle to feel happy.
We feel the way that we do, when we feel it. And as one of my closest friends once said, “It is difficult to be happy when plagued by things that bring you down. It is like trying to chase a butterfly with a stone tied to your feet.”
We shouldn’t force ourselves to feel something we don’t, no matter if it works for others. Trying to force yourself to be happy can make things worse. Don’t feel pressured to feel happy just because it seems like everyone else is.
On the other side, we shouldn’t also feel guilty for being sad when it seems like there is absolutely no reason to be sad. We need to take the time we need in order to feel better. We need to make peace with the fact that sometimes we feel happy and sometimes we just don’t. Happiness isn’t a choice the same way anger, sorrow, and all other emotions aren’t choices. There is only one choice: to be ourselves through dealing with both happiness and sadness alike.
