A concert for one

“Come with me,” I begged my cousin.

“I really don’t feel like it,” she says. “Just go by yourself, you’ll be fine.”

As silly as it was, I really didn’t want to go to a concert by myself. I even contemplated not going, despite the fact that I loved the artist - Lights - and didn’t want to miss it.
In the end, I dragged myself there on my own.

It also happened to be the first concert I have ever been to. At first, the discomfort of not having a friend by my side, as I couldn’t find anyone who wanted to go with me, made me feel really awkward and I couldn’t enjoy the music. I was barely even listening to it.

All I could think about was how I looked to other people. I was painfully aware of every little movement I made.

As time passed, I began to relax and danced in beat (at least I think I did). I forgot about everyone else around me.

Later, I wondered why I felt so uncomfortable. As it was, I didn’t want to dance alone. In the first few moments, I was afraid of people judging me. Which doesn’t make much sense, as people were there for the music and couldn’t care less about what a random girl was doing.

I realized that I was so used to doing things with people – from restaurants to grocery stores - that it felt out of place to be doing something on my own.

As a socially awkward human being who hides in her room when too many people are over, it doesn’t really make sense that I would react that way to going somewhere on my own. I should have been okay with doing things by myself but I wasn’t. I find comfort in solitude, but this didn’t seem to apply once I stepped out of the house.

What is it about being alone that freaks people out? Rarely have I ever gone into a cafe or restaurant and seen someone sitting by themselves, unless they had a book to read or work to do.
Why are we so afraid of being judged about being alone that we have to make it seem as if we are engaged in other activities?

Why is it that every time I do see someone enjoying a quiet meal by themselves with no distraction in front of them that I think it to be extremely strange?
It is funny how we’re conditioned by society to believe that we need others in order to be able to do things.

We really don’t. It is perfectly okay to be by ourselves. We don’t need the validation of the presence of others in order to go out and have fun.
The next concert I went to by myself, I danced as if no one was watching.

Perhaps people did see how ridiculous I looked, dancing alone. Perhaps they laughed at me. But it didn’t matter. I didn’t care how I looked. I forgot about the rest of the world in that moment and in doing so, had the time of my life.